IT'S BACK ... Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors is in full swing for 2023 and no one and NO CLUB is safe.

So put your seatbelt on, strap yourselves in and enjoy the ride as Damo takes off the gloves and takes aim at your team.

So what is he saying about your club? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below.

>> CLICK HERE TO READ MORE BARRETT 

IF ...

the Crows and seemingly half of Adelaide this week lost their minds, justifiably, over the Ben Keays non-goal decision ...

THEN ...

thousands of Western Bulldogs supporters were overheard saying something about Tony Liberatore and a karma bus waiting to be driven since the '97 preliminary final.

IF ..

Vossy's bump on Scott Burns in the '02 Grand Final, Aker's insanely magical two goals in two minutes in '05, and Blacky's 39 disposals in the '03 Grand Final are some of many iconic Brisbane Lions moments ...

THEN ...

add Dev Robertson's ripped guernsey moments from last Friday night. The jumper tear itself. The attempt to play with it hanging off him. The preparedness to play without it. The theatrical removal of it. The rig. The coy look. Every bit of it was pure gold.

IF ...

the winning streak is at nine, finals are secured and Walsh, Cerra and McGovern are to re-emerge from injury in round 24 

THEN ...

this most ridiculous of flag charges gets less ridiculous by the week.

IF ...

the Pies, with De Goey and Hill back, can regain even a semblance of their 2023 best on Friday night against the beleaguered Bombers 

THEN ...

here comes a much-needed, confidence-boosting, top-of-ladder-confirming 12-goal win.

IF ...

it was this corresponding period last year when David Barham, who had already been on the Bombers board for seven years, launched a takeover coup with promises for a brighter future ...

THEN ...

nothing of substance has actually happened. Barham rolled a coach, two CEOs (the second who didn't survive 30 hours in the role), and three directors, but not Kevin Sheedy who broke all sorts of board protocols in publicly volunteering he wanted James Hird, not Brad Scott, as coach. "Process" and "due diligence" were nice Barham buzz words. And that's all they were, clearly. Sheedy is still there and new coach Scott – the one good outcome of Barham's takeover - is still dealing with many other old Essendon problems.

IF ...

the 2023 season has been a very ordinary one, and at times an embarrassing one, for the Dockers

THEN ...

they cannot afford to close it with another poor performance against Hawthorn on Saturday. Serong and Brayshaw have been good despite the low ladder outcome. Keen to see how they go against Day and Newcombe at the MCG on Saturday.

IF ...

the Cats' premiership-competing is, indeed, over after 18 seasons ...

THEN ...

what a glorious run it was. Four flags since 2007, a win rate around the 70s, memories forever. Keen to see what they do in the trade period. An explosive midfielder is desperately required. The guy with the really long hair at the Bulldogs is a person of significant interest.

IF ...

it was only 105 days ago that Dimma was soooooo tired and sooooo done with coaching that he walked out of the Tigers with 18 months remaining of a contract ...

THEN ...

if the lasso of truth was a real thing, I'd love for it to be thrown over Gold Coast officials to properly determine when the first "official" offer was made to the three-time premiership coach.

IF ...

the past four seasons have been far from ideal because of injury for inaugural Giants captain Phil Davis (just 26 matches, and none this year, since the 2019 Grand Final) ...

THEN ...

he will forever remain one of this club's most important people. A brilliant football club leader and sensational guy who has the capacity to become huge in a multiple of potential pursuits, including footy media.

IF ...

Simon Goodwin's post-round 23 comment: "Finn Maginness is someone that doesn't want the ball" angered a lot of Hawks people 

THEN ...

it shouldn't have. It should've been viewed as a major compliment. Maginness clearly got into Goody's head after his superb role on Clayton Oliver. Goody is normally publicly impenetrable.

IF ...

a certain person keeps publicly lobbing behavioural accusation grenades at Simon Goodwin 

THEN ...

it only strengthens the Demons' resolve to back their man. Great timing to combat the latest attempted bomb on Goody's character with a two-year contract extension.

IF ...

this club wants to be taken seriously ...

THEN ...

it will do everything it possibly can to beat Gold Coast on Saturday. It's genuinely sad that many attached to this club are celebrating access to a third consecutive No.1 pick in the draft. Only winning will change now hopelessly damaged football operations. And how LDU is unavailable for the final two games of the season because of an injury suffered in a surfing accident is mind-boggling.

IF ...

Brodie Grundy isn't playing for this club next year 

THEN ...

I will be very surprised. And wouldn't the Power love access to him right now as they push for a flag.

IF ...

Tim Taranto and Jacob Hopper happened to roll their eyes upon hearing Dimma Hardwick saying: "I likened it to waking up on Christmas Day and walking out to a set of brand new toys" upon this week publicly accepting the Suns' six-year coaching contract 

THEN ...

that would've been understandable and justified. Taranto and Hopper were Dimma's "new toys" this time last year, when he convinced them to leave GWS and head to the Tigers.

IF ...

Rowan Marshall hasn't yet demanded serious consideration for an All-Australian jacket in 2023

THEN ...

he should have. It would seemingly come down to him versus Tim English, who has also been very good. 

IF ...

the footy gods haven't always been on John Longmire's side, with dreadful injuries as a player, losing a Grand Final (2016) when throwing the football by the opposition seemed to be allowed all match, and Buddy breaking down 

THEN ...

maybe they've been sending him some good vibes recently. The North Melbourne interchange debacle in round 11. The Ben Keays non-goal in round 23. Guaranteed finals because of that, regardless of round 24 result.

IF ...

the 2023 season has been a disaster in its totality ...

THEN ...

there was a moment of respite in round 23's win against Western Bulldogs. And how good was it to see Jeremy McGovern back to something at least remotely resembling his 2016-19 All-Australian years!

IF ...

the party line will be: 'Bailey Smith is contracted and is going nowhere' ...

THEN ...

those are the facts. But Bailey Smith has a massive decision to make. Line-ball that he will do the same as Josh Dunkley, and seek a clearance. To Geelong.

AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL

IF ...

Swans CEO Tom Harley was a reluctant person of interest for the AFL for its ridiculously-way-too-long-vacant senior football operations role 

THEN ...

senior Swans assistant coach and former Crows Grand Final coach Don Pyke should now be given consideration. Already on the hook at the Eagles for the CEO role. A massively talented person with a unique, high-end business-driven skill set.