IT'S BACK ... Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors is in full swing for 2023 and no one and NO CLUB is safe.

So put your seatbelt on, strap yourselves in and enjoy the ride as Damo takes off the gloves and takes aim at your team.

So what is he saying about your club? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below.

>> CLICK HERE TO READ MORE BARRETT 

IF ...

six matches ago Matt Crouch had been effectively discarded and given just one senior game in 12 months ...

THEN ...

a two-year contract extension this week was the biggest surprise at the Crows since that goal umpire signalled a point in round 23. 

IF ..

since 1997 when this club took on the Lions nickname some all-time greats have called it home ...

THEN ...

none – Vossy, Aker, Browny, Blacky included - have been able to get a Gabba crowd to reach peak noise more often Charlie Cameron. The Lions' most dynamic, and important, player upon entry to the 2023 finals. Has kicked 50 or more goals in four of the past five seasons, the only year he finished with less being the abbreviated (in matches played and time per match) COVID-impacted 2020.

IF ...

Patty Cripps isn't best on ground at the MCG on Friday night ...

THEN ...

I will be very surprised. He's waited 180 games for this moment, his first final. His body and his attitude are built for finals. Good luck, Swans.

IF ...

Bruz is suspended for that hit on Brayshaw ...

THEN ...

the game's rules will need re-writing before the 2024 season. This is my take, and I realise there are polar others. Bruz jumped to smother a kick, and that was his sole intent. I'd love for the "independent" MRO to clear Bruz. But history says it will take the soft option and let other "independent" bodies determine his fate. And history says the "independent" Tribunal will agree with the MRO. Then we'll be off to the "independent" Appeals Board, which history also suggests will clear him. This sport is promoted as controlled-brutal. Accidents happen in controlled-brutal. Here's my outlook on the next six days: Bruz will go through the "system", and be given a one-match ban, allowing him to play in a Grand Final.

IF ...

the Bombers were already interested in one North Melbourne player in Ben McKay ...

THEN ...

they may be keen on another in Todd Goldstein. Would need a whole lot more than those two if they want to improve on their very ordinary closing weeks of 2023.

IF ...

the 2023 season was a poor one ...

THEN ...

losing class player Liam Henry at the end of it makes it even poorer.

IF ...

there were bigger names than Shaun Grigg among Cats' assistant coaches the past two years ...

THEN ...

none more important to the success of 2022. Helped transform the team's midfield operations. Will leave a gaping hole, if, as expected, he heads to the Gold Coast to work with his old coach Damien Hardwick.

IF ...

your name now sits on the same honour board as Gary Ablett ...

THEN ...

that will forever be a proud career moment for Noah Anderson, the Suns' 2023 best and fairest winner. Seemingly the first of many for the young gun leader. Ablett won four of those titles in the seven seasons he had with the club, as well as two others in premiership years (2007, 2009) as a Cat.

IF ...

it's a risk to play Sam Taylor in the elimination final against St Kilda ...

THEN ...

equally, as perfectly articulated by coach Adam Kingsley on Wednesday, it is a risk not to play him. Named on Thursday night after hamstring damage for Saturday night's elimination final. Actually playing is yet to be determined.

IF ...

the Hawks this time last year were preparing to off-load a couple of once-loved, contracted players ...

THEN ...

they are approaching the 2023 trade period with a very different outlook. Desperate to bring talent in. Have got Liam Henry on the hook, just need to land him. Won't die wondering on Ben McKay. Will throw a Hail Mary at Bailey Smith.

IF ...

Jake Melksham plays on Thursday night against the Pies ...

THEN ...

the Dees win. If Harrison Petty plays, they probably win, too. Forward line problems leading to woe. Could be in a prelim final, and now not guaranteed to make it past a semi-final. 

IF ...

Todd Goldstein is 35 and has been a Roo since 2008 ...

THEN ...

the time is right to look elsewhere. His form was pretty good this year, but was forced to play VFL matches. The big fella wants to go round again. Sometimes, it's best for both parties that a long-term footy relationship is ended.

IF ...

there are bigger profiles than Willie Rioli on the Port list 

THEN ...

there aren’t many more important as the 2023 finals series begins. Genuine X-factor, and was recruited for September.

IF ...

there's anyone remaining at the Tigers who believe Dimma didn't resign purely to get the Gold Coast gig ...

THEN ...

they may have come down in the last shower. Would love to get the true thoughts of Taranto and Hopper.

IF ...

the big-game, big-moment players are the ones I like most ...

THEN ...

Mitch Owens looms very large in that space. Just 29 matches to his name. Plays with the aplomb of a 150-gamer. A very special talent.

IF ...

one of the more famous, or maybe that should be infamous, finals ever played was a Swans-Blues one way back in 1945, that year's Grand Final being dubbed The Bloodbath ...

THEN ...

there's a loooooong and colourful history between these two VFL-foundation clubs. Swans lost that one, but won the most recent one, the last time the Blues were in the finals, a 2013 semi-final. As well as the one before that (2010 elimination final).

IF ...

there weren't even three positives for the Eagles in 2023 ...

THEN ...

at least there were two. Tim Kelly and Oscar Allen, who rightly went one-two in the club's best and fairest award.

IF ...

you want a one-line summary on what is happening with the Western Bulldogs' football department review ...

THEN ...

the club, belatedly, is attempting to empower people to challenge the coach. The non-footy part of operations should then try the same approach with the same person.

AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL

IF ...

the AFL now has a permanent footy boss ...

THEN ...

it needs to use the Toby Bedford case to finally, belatedly streamline its needlessly unwieldy judicial operations. Have never, ever understood why the system has three "independent" bodies which get to adjudicate on the same incident, two of those bodies which are purely run by lawyers and legal talk. The AFL needs to "own" these decisions at the outset. No more outsourcing to Michael Christian as Match Review Officer. No more Tribunal AND Appeals Tribunal. Two bodies had Bedford guilty. One had him not guilty. Imagine trying to explain all of that that to someone who doesn't know the AFL game. It was still two-one against Bedford. But he gets to play, and I'm glad he will. And don't get me started that it took 12 days – that's 12 days – from match-day incident to the last-stop judicial outcome to reach a binding decision. Just fix this confusing, unnecessary mess, please Laura.