WITH the 2024 Toyota AFL Premiership Season close to getting underway, Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors is back.

So put your seatbelt on and enjoy the ride as Damo takes off the gloves and takes aim at your team.

So what is he saying about your club? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below.

>> CLICK HERE TO READ MORE BARRETT 

IF ...

the Crows seem primed to return to the finals for the first time since the 'Power Stance' days of 2017 ...

THEN ...

the key backline posts remain a problem. Nick Murray's knee reco will keep him out indefinitely. Jordon Butts, coming off a fractured foot which ruined his late 2023, has endured off-season hamstring issues. Mark Keane was concussed last week. And Tom Doedee is now a Lion. Good luck, there.

IF ...

the Lions were to have stopped the red-time goals kicked by Collingwood in last year's Toyota AFL Grand Final, and also properly been awarded that free kick inside the final minute (and not been forced to take an "advantage" which was actually a "disadvantage") ...

THEN ...

they probably would have been premiers. Dissect the game all you like, but the result really was as simple as that. The Lions' players and gameplan proudly stood up in the fiercest of contests. And on they go into 2024, still fully embracing the "we're going to fail our way to the top" mantra which Chris Fagan introduced on his first day at the club in 2016.

IF ...

Harry McKay is still spraying kicks at goal in a 2024 scratch match ...

THEN ...

unfortunately there's no reason to think this season will be any better than past ones. So deflating for him and his team, given his other high-end abilities. Here's a suggestion. Get him well away from goal, although his field kicking is no better. And here's another one: get Matthew Lloyd as a personal coach. 'Llordo' doesn't come cheap, and he hates Carlton. But this reached the 'break glass in an emergency' stage a long time ago, and investing in Llordo would have a tenfold return.

IF ...

Jack Ginnivan is a loss (and one which the Pies didn't fight all that hard to keep) ...

THEN ...

Lachie Schultz is a massive win. I really like Ginnivan, but Schultz is a more seasoned and rounded footballer. The reigning premier has upgraded in talent. Look out. Again.

IF ...

six-foot-seven, 35-year-olds aren't normally viewed as high-end weapons at AFL clubs ...

THEN ...

in 2024 Todd Goldstein will be. A shrewd recruit by the Bombers, after 16 very good seasons at North Melbourne. Will greatly assist the still-green Sam Draper with his ruck-craft nous.

IF ...

Sean Darcy isn't wearing a dark green jacket with yellow trim in mid-September ...

THEN ...

I will be surprised. Twenty-five years old, 98 matches behind him, season No.8 upcoming. Perfectly primed for a coming-of-age year.

IF ...

you're going to write off the Cats, yet again ...

THEN ...

I'd suggest a rethink. They'll be making the finals, yet again. Given their season finished unusually early last year, Chris Scott has had an extra month to prepare himself and his team for 2024. Look out, competition. 

IF ...

Terry Wallace once famously said "I'll spew up" after constantly hearing hollow words at his club ...

THEN ...

I, too, have a rumbling stomach after the Suns' off-season pledges to make finals. Please, please, please stop talking about it, and just go and do it. You've never gone close. Thirteen seasons. Never more than 10 wins, and only twice with 10 wins. Never higher than 12th.

IF ...

Craig McRae lost a prelim final by a point in his first season as Collingwood coach and won a Grand Final in his second year ...

THEN ...

Adam Kingsley has got the first part of that magic formula right. What a story, Kingsley and his orange team in 2023. So many players seem set to explode. And Finn Callaghan is looming very large as a new favourite.

IF ...

I always hate it when any sportsperson at any level does a knee and is out for a year ...

THEN ...

the concern is absolutely there for James Blanck. I really hope he makes a full recovery and gets to continue his 24-match career. But, Hawks supporters, he's not Chris Langford or Brian Lake. His absence will hurt, yes, but please don't be delusional and think that it will shape your season.

IF ...

there are loads of problems at the Demons right now – Joel Smith's drugs issues, Angus Brayshaw's medical retirement and a boardroom legal stoush just some of the issues ...

THEN ...

here's a source of hope and joy: Jacob van Rooyen. There's one of those beautiful, old-fashioned footy brains in this guy. He won't be able to solve every problem in the Dees' forward line, but he will cover up a lot.

IF ...

the kids look really, really good ...

THEN ...

they will only be able to take the Roos so far. There's not one key defender or ruckman of note on the list, and 2023 All-Australian forward Nick Larkey desperately needs some bigman help.

IF ...

Warren Tredrea's "untenable" comment last year became the dominant narrative during another rollercoaster year of Ken Hinkley coaching Port Adelaide ...

THEN ...

with premiership captain Tredders now officially a director of the club, the Power is going to be fascinating to watch in the next seven months.

IF ...

Adam Kingsley last year took over a team which looked tired after several seasons of high-end ladder finishes and re-energised it all the way to a one-point preliminary final loss ...

THEN ...

the 2023 GWS story provides the hope and maybe even the blueprint for Adem Yze in 2024.

IF ...

Ross the Boss has had full power over football clubs before, at St Kilda 2007-11 and Freo from 2012 to at least 2018 ...

THEN ...

never has he been able to assume the type of power he's got right now. And I love it. Yes, you can criticise him, but I'd argue there's not an unluckier coach when it comes to landing a flag. Under him, the Saints played the near-perfect game in the near-perfect Grand Final of 2009. In 2010, a bad bounce of a ball led to a draw, then a smashing a week later. In the 2013 GF, at Freo, a 1.6 scoreline (with some horrendous misses) at half-time which led to a 15-point defeat was not on him. About to start the second season of his second stint at the Saints, he's seen off a CEO, a list boss, a couple of footy department heads, a couple of recruiters, a doctor, a sports scientist, a head of rehab, a psychologist, and others, and he's probably only warming up.

IF ...

all the hype, rightly by the way, was heaped on Errol Gulden last year ...

THEN ...

don't forget my man Chad. Yes, 2023 wasn't quite as good as 2022 Chad Warner. But it was still borderline exceptional, given he had more than a few injuries. In 2024, Chad and Errol may do as 'Cuzzy' and Kerr did in 2005, and quinella the Brownlow.

IF ...

Harley Reid hasn't played a game and has been at West Coast for all of 103 days ...

THEN ...

The West Australian newspaper isn't affording him enough coverage. It has only had him on the front and back pages 30-plus times. Surely it will ramp things up from here.

IF ...

you believe Bevo and Chris Grant get on well these days ...

THEN ...

you're also a flat earth, tooth fairy, aliens built the pyramids and WWE isn't scripted believer.

AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL

IF ...

there's normally not any "good" to come out of a head-hit on a player ...

THEN ...

Sam Powell-Pepper's contact on Mark Keane occurring in the 2024 pre-season is weirdly that – "good". Because now, before the proper stuff starts, we know that a once-acceptable, or at least once-excusable, footy act is going to result in a four-week ban. (Sidenote: please immediately ban biomechanists from giving evidence at Tribunal hearings.)