THE 2024 Toyota AFL Premiership Season is here, and Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors is back!

So put your seatbelt on and enjoy the ride as Damo takes off the gloves and takes aim at your team.

So what is he saying about your club? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below.

>> Check out the latest from Damian Barrett 

IF ...

there were already existing problems with player availability in the backline ...

THEN ...

now there's a major problem up forward, too. Riley Thilthorpe out for a minimum three months. Up to you, again, Texan.

00:47

Worrying signs as gun Crows forward leaves the field

Riley Thilthorpe was seen in the hands of trainers following a tough marking contest

Published on Mar 2, 2024

IF ..

Josh Dunkley has had only one season as a Lion ...

THEN ...

he's made a huge impact in a short time on coach Chris Fagan. "He is the player most like Luke Hodge I have come across, in terms of his personality. He is such a team man, he will do whatever he has to do for the team to win. He is forthright and he leads by example on the field, which is a lot of what Luke does. They're not exactly the same personalities but they are very similar. I love them both and I can't believe how fortunate we are to have Dunkley come and play for us."

IF ...

Sam Walsh and Jacob Weitering are major outs for the opening rounds of 2024 ...

THEN ...

Zac Williams is a huge in for Friday night's game against Brisbane. Not seen in an AFL match since the last game of 2022. Deserves a break from the many serious injuries which have marred his 136-match, two-club career.

IF ...

the Nathan Murphy story remains a concerning one, with concussion issues delaying his return ...

THEN ...

it has also provided an opening for Charlie Dean to make his AFL debut. Taken in the 2021 rookie draft, Dean, stricken with foot injuries since, gets to stake a claim in the first match the Pies will play with the reigning premier status.

IF ...

Archie Perkins' form in his first three seasons has been very good on occasions and way more than OK generally ...

THEN ...

it is nevertheless time for him in 2024 to prove why was drafted at No.9. Has got the footy smarts and toughness, now needs to properly hit "go".

IF ...

Sean Darcy was sore after a scratch match against West Coast and withdrawn from play by half-time of the next practice hitout against Port Adelaide ...

THEN ...

there were clearly issues before an arthroscope found "loose bodies" in his knee. A massive concern for the Dockers.

IF ...

the Cats, as I expect, get on a roll in 2024 ...

THEN ...

Ollie Henry is capable of a 60-goal season. Managed 41 last year as he found his way in a team which won just 10 matches. Has footy smarts and X-factor. 

IF ...

after all the talk and hype and finals-talk pledges the Suns allow the Dusty, Lynch and Nank-less Tigers to waltz in and out of their home ground with the four points ...

THEN ...

that's going to be a jolting energy-sapper at the very least. No more excuses.

IF ...

the Taylor-Idun-Buckley-Himmelberg combo isn't already the best defensive bigman mix in the comp ...

THEN ...

give it a few rounds of 2024. It's looming as near-perfect.

IF ...

Nick Larkey was the All-Australian key forward bolter last year ...

THEN ...

no reason Mitch Lewis can't assume that status in 2024. Hope he gets an injury-free crack at a full season.

IF ...

there is a long-held mantra by which I abide ...

THEN ...

it's never even consider making sweeping judgments before round six of a new season. But the problems of 2023 for the Dees were again the problems in Opening Round of 2024. Butchered inside 50 entries still the No.1 issue.

Simon Goodwin addresses his team during the Opening Round match between Melbourne and Sydney at the SCG on March 7, 2024. Picture: AFL Photos

IF ...

while he has been an AFL coach, Alastair Clarkson has approached umpires on a plane, and on other occasions abused and publicly criticised umpires, sworn at an official at a kids' game, abused a couple of VFL players during a match, got in a scuffle with a Power fan (who had goaded him), threatened an opposition player post-match, not to mention regular confrontations and choice words with media ...

THEN ...

his rap sheet is terrible for someone who is a coaching icon, about to turn 56, and who should know better. Seemingly every time he's caught, he apologises and moves on to the next skirmish, while those around him mop up. As happened again this week, after his clash with St Kilda players at Moorabbin. One word he used in that exchange was inexcusable, and surely no one at this club would walk past its use, in any forum nor under any circumstance. In my eyes, Clarkson deserves a match-day sanction from the AFL. But he will probably only be fined, and get to apologise yet again and move on to his next encounter.

IF ...

there were times last year for a variety of reasons the Power didn't have a viable ruck ...

THEN ...

with a desperate-to-prove-Richmond-wrong Ivan Soldo, that should not be a problem in 2024.

IF ...

your career had a debut AFL match in 2014, a second game in 2016, a massive stretch without playing a game between 2017 and 2020, no matches at all since round four, 2020, and seen three knee reconstructions as a Swan through that journey ...

THEN ...

surely you were never to be seen again in an AFL match. What a story, Sam Naismith. Game No.31 arrives for him on Saturday, as a Tiger.

IF ...

Jimmy Webster's hit on Jy Simpkin was horrendous ...

THEN ...

he rightly got a seven-week ban. But everyone deserves forgiveness, particularly those who unreservedly apologise, own their offending actions, and cop their hefty punishment without complaint. Hope he gets back immediately in round eight, and that everyone backs off from smashing his character.

00:57

Simpkin ruled out after massive Webster bump

Jimmy Webster is set to come under scrutiny of the Match Review Offer for this hit on Jy Simpkin, ruling the Roos co-captain out of the game

Published on Mar 3, 2024

IF ...

you simply haven't been wanted for two straight seasons at two different footy clubs ...

THEN ...

no surprise that when you are, indeed, wanted that you produce your already established All-Australian type form. One of the most sensational first-up efforts for a new team from Brodie Grundy on Thursday night, against the second of the two clubs which abandoned him. The one which first discarded him is up next, next Friday at the MCG.

01:50

Grundy gets the points against former allies

Brodie Grundy shines in his first outing for Sydney, winning the battle against ex-teammate Max Gawn in an enthralling contest

Published on Mar 7, 2024

IF ...

there were just five wins combined from the 2022 and 2023 seasons ...

THEN ...

I'm tipping 2024 to have at least that amount. There's still lots of gloom to come, but surely some of the doom lifts.

IF ...

Nick Coffield's body holds up after two years of horrendous injuries at the Saints ...

THEN ...

some of the Dogs' backline problems will be solved.

Nick Coffield in action during the Western Bulldogs' match simulation clash with Hawthorn on February 23, 2024. Picture: AFL Photos

AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL

IF ...

the actual game is in ripping shape right now ...

THEN ...

it could be improved even more if the ball being thrown back into play after crossing the boundary line has proper depth and height. Too many throw-ins are falling way too short, and have been for years.

A boundary umpire throws the ball in during Sydney's clash with Melbourne in Opening Round, 2024. Picture: AFL Photos