THE 2024 Toyota AFL Premiership Season is here, and Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors is back!

So put your seatbelt on and enjoy the ride as Damo takes off the gloves and takes aim at your team.

So what is he saying about your club? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below.

>> Check out the latest from Damian Barrett 

IF ...

this club doesn't make a stand soon and actually win an against-the-odds game, and not merely go close ...

THEN ...

golden opportunities will remain lost opportunities. First game of 2024, against the Suns, very similar to many near misses in 2023. Officially still the Adelaide Crows. Unofficially looming as the Adelaide Couldas. Or Adelaide Shouldas.

IF ..

it was round 14 and not round two ...

THEN ...

it would make a whole lot more sense that the Lions look like they are in desperate need of the bye. Blown away in the second half in Opening Round by the Blues, dominated by the Dockers from midway through the first quarter last weekend, they present as tired and now they get this weekend off. They must use this weekend's break to snap out of their lethargy.

IF ...

Jacob Weitering and Sam Walsh have been absent from the great start (wins against Brisbane and Richmond) to the season ...

THEN ...

pondering a Blues team with that duo in it is a beautiful prospect for supporters. North Melbourne, Fremantle (at a neutral Adelaide Oval venue) and the Crows (at Marvel Stadium) immediately follow this weekend's bye. With or without Weitering and Walsh, a 5-0 scoreline looking promising.

IF ...

before Thursday night's game against St Kilda everyone inside Collingwood wanted to angrily deny there were problems post the 2023 Grand Final win ...

THEN ...

I'm really keen to hear what you say now. I realise the 2024 season is far from dead, but it's on an IV drip.

IF ...

it was only round one and the opponent coming off a third-last ladder finish in 2023 ...

THEN ...

the MCG win against the Hawks was still warming for supporters. Even more warming was coach Brad Scott's subsequent public pledge of an "Essendon edge". The Bombers for way too long have been way too nice and way too irrelevant.

IF ...

there was genuine shock and worry when, in 15 minutes, Karl Worner, Oscar McDonald and Brennan Cox all went down with serious injuries in round one ...

THEN ...

there was also the comforting presence of Caleb Serong. What a player. A 23-year-old with the footy maturity of a 33-year-old.

IF ...

Hawk and Jez are the established lead acts of the Cats’ forward line ...

THEN ...

Henry and Dempsey are ripping understudies. And they will get more screen time as the season unfolds.

IF ...

the Suns on Sunday can negotiate a way through the Ballarat wind and the Bulldogs football team ...

THEN ...

I will belatedly take notice of their finals hopes. No excuses. They're in good form (wins against Richmond and Adelaide) and they get a vulnerable opponent.

IF ...

one of the excuses being made for Collingwood's slow start to the season was that, with it being a 2023 Grand Finalist, it had the least amount of time to prepare for 2024 ...

THEN ...

I'm not sure it's valid. The Giants had just one less week to get ready, and have exploded out of the blocks.

IF ...

Mabior Chol was more than OK in his first game for his third club ...

THEN ...

he's going to need to be a whole lot better in his second game for the Hawks. Dealing with the Dees' one-two backline combo of Steven May and Jake Lever will not be easy.

IF ...

Clayton Oliver has defied convention for much of his extraordinary and lately highly controversial time in football ...

THEN ...

he may also be in the process of disproving the age-old adage that players won't be able to perform at optimum if they don't complete a full pre-season. Clarry wasn't properly allowed near the main group until February, and yet in game two of the new year was back to his brilliant, match-shaping best.

IF ...

the backline was already dangerously depleted ...

THEN ...

Josh Goater's shattering Achilles rupture in round one only compounds the many problems. 

IF ...

there's a heap of Travis Boak stories which illustrate impeccable character, unrivalled loyalty and just plain old good bloke traits through 18 AFL seasons and 349 matches ...

THEN ...

my favourite is the July 2012 Sunday when a Cats posse – Brownlow and Norm Smith medallist Jimmy Bartel, legendary captain (and on that day a tracksuit-pant wearing) Joel Selwood and coach Chris Scott among it – strode, actually make that strutted, into Adelaide and pitched him a future back in hometown Geelong. Asked on Thursday to recall that day, Bartel said: "Five minutes in, I knew he wasn't leaving. The reasons why we loved him were the reasons he was staying."

IF ...

the Tigers are almost guaranteed to struggle this season ...

THEN ...

a lot of positives can still emerge from 2024, particularly if the fight displayed against Carlton in round one becomes a regular facet of play. Loved the way new coach Adem Yze got his team to "click" after the horrors of the first game against the Suns.

IF ...

Nasiah Wanganeen-Milera wasn't already one of the Next Big Things ...

THEN ...

he is now. Thursday night's performance against Collingwood, in match No.43, was exquisite. Clearly loving Ross The Boss's licence.

IF ...

there are at least a half-dozen, and maybe up to 10, Swans players with a higher profile than Dane Rampe ...

THEN ...

there may not be one who is more important to how this team gels. The former captain - nearing 34, physically banged up yet still playing brilliant football - personifies the revered Bloods culture.

IF ...

2022 was horrendous and 2023 an unmitigated disaster ...

THEN ...

with a dreadful start to 2024 and subsequent realisation of a long-term injury to the best player and captain Oscar Allen, there may be no adjectives left to describe the depths of the Eagles' woes.

IF ...

Bevo has been many things in his nine years as an AFL coach ...

THEN ...

the stubbornness characteristic has been prominent throughout. He takes advice from no one. And the more that expert commentators tell him to play Aaron Naughton as a key defender, and to recall Jack Macrae from the reserves, the more staunch he is in keeping them where they are.

AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL

IF ...

you kick an opponent (James Sicily on Andrew McGrath) ...

THEN ...

you can play the next week. And if you strike an opponent in the head (George Hewett on Lachie Neale), you can also play. In 2024, Match Review office and Tribunal confusion. At least there is consistency with that confusion.