THE 2024 Toyota AFL Premiership Season is in full swing, and Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors is back!
So put your seatbelt on and enjoy the ride as Damo takes off the gloves and takes aim at your team.
So what is he saying about your club? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below.
>> Check out the latest from Damian Barrett
IF ...
the 2024 season wasn't already ugly ...
THEN ...
it's now an unmitigated disaster. I realise Rankine and Tex were absent on Thursday night against the Tigers, but only Dawson, and maybe Michalanney, Nankervis and Fogarty properly stood up. This club in its current form doesn't handle any form of high-end pressure.
IF ..
the Giants and Blues in 2023 proved you could have semi-disastrous starts to a season and still nearly make the Grand Final ...
THEN ...
there's the blueprint for the Lions. Get Starcevich back for Friday night's game against the Dogs. There may still be a pulse.
IF ...
I'm allowing myself to get caught up in the hype of Sunday night's blockbuster ...
THEN ...
I'm thinking '93 Grand Final, '99 prelim final, ‘00 prelim final, 2013 Bombers' finals ban and Blues' inclusion from ninth place on the ladder. Just go with it. This is huge. Hopefully there's a 95,000-plus crowd. Hopefully it goes down to the last play.
IF ...
Jeremy Howe started his AFL career as a forward ...
THEN ...
not that Craig McRae needs advice from an outsider, but that's where I'd be playing him on Monday against a nervous Melbourne backline, which is clearly struggling without Jake Lever.
IF ...
the McKay twins finally get to play against each other after nine seasons ...
THEN ...
that will only partially solve the Bombers' defensive holes against the Blues. Redman's unavailability looms as a massive problem. McKay, Curnow, De Koning will be very difficult to stop in the air, Williams a big problem on the ground.
IF ...
the Dockers' 22-goal performance against the Dees last week was a clear season highlight ...
THEN ...
it also needs to be the new standard. They're obviously not going to kick 22 goals each week. But in Amiss, Jackson, Treacy, Walters and Frederick, there is genuine star and goal power.
IF ...
Jez Cameron has kicked just three goals from his past four games ...
THEN ...
he's overdue for a bag. If the Cats are to pull off a miraculous win against tearaway ladder leader Sydney, he's going to need to be best afield.
IF ...
this football club wants to act and not merely talk ...
THEN ...
it will fly into Melbourne for Saturday night's game against St Kilda, and return to the Gold Coast a six-goal winner. Very rarely wins when wearing the "white" shorts.
IF ...
Tom Green is compiling another very good season ...
THEN ...
I'd still love to see him hit the scoreboard way more often. Just the four goals this year, 31 in his career from 78 matches. He's a gun already, but this would take him to new levels.
IF ...
there are a lot of on-field things going very nicely at the Hawks in the past two months – Moore, Worpel, Hardwick, Macdonald, Meek, Weddle, Newcombe, Ginnivan among those things ...
THEN ...
Will Day is the main one. What a star. Best and fairest last year, as a 22-year-old. Missed the first six matches this year. No coincidence that this club has turned its season on its head after he returned.
IF ...
Maxxy, Trac and Clarry don't respond – hard - to last Sunday's debacle versus Freo with supreme performances against Collingwood on Monday ...
THEN ...
I will be very surprised. And also prepared to put a big black Texta through flag hopes. A season-defining King's Birthday Monday.
IF ...
the Roos are 0-11 this year, coming off a 3-20 scoreline last year, and 2-20 in 2022 ...
THEN ...
there's a rare chance for a win in round 13, against the Harley Reid-less, 3-13 West Coast. Would love to see George Wardlaw finally experiencing a W.
IF ...
one of my favourite Power players for a long time has been big Charlie ...
THEN ...
clearly a big decision on him needs to be made. Just not impacting, which is understandable given his banged-up body.
IF ...
big Nank has played a better game than Thursday night at Adelaide Oval ...
THEN ...
I can't immediately recall it. Monstered the Crows, leading his team to a massive upset win. His shoulders and elbows are weapons, just ask Burgess and Borlase. Great leadership. And he's now set the scene for Dusty's 300th next weekend, where Lynch could make another comeback. Bring it on.
IF ...
Max King wants to change the narrative on his club and himself ...
THEN ...
he will drag down 10 marks and kick six goals on Saturday night against the Suns. Someone at this club needs to stand up, pronto.
IF ...
the Swans entered a bye weekend clear of all comers by six premiership points and a heap of percentage ...
THEN ...
their near-perfect charge toward another Grand Final is clearly in full steam mode, given they've now got a game in hand, and are still six premiership points and even more percentage ahead of the next best.
IF ...
Reid is a shattering out ...
THEN ...
Waterman is a rejuvenating in. One of the stories of the season. Has missed two games, but only six goals off the lead in the Coleman Medal, and could still win it.
IF ...
Sam Darcy is compiling an extraordinary season for a player who had just seven matches to his name before it started, with 22 goals from 11 games, including a bag of four and three returns of three ...
THEN ...
he's also fortunate he didn't KO Maynard last weekend. Copped a two-week ban, could've very easily been a couple more.
AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL
IF ...
seemingly everything is on the table in the off-field review into "equalisation" (whatever "equalisation" actually means, anyway) ...
THEN ...
the three-game Grand Final series proposal needs to be ignored. The season is already way too long.