THE 2024 Toyota AFL Premiership Season is in full swing, and Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors is back!

So put your seatbelt on and enjoy the ride as Damo takes off the gloves and takes aim at your team.

So what is he saying about your club? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below.

>> Check out the latest from Damian Barrett 

IF ...

Izak is back ...

THEN ...

the oh-so-disappointing Crows, weirdly, are a chance against tearaway ladder leader Sydney. Their best player returns for Saturday night's match.

IF ..

Take Me Home Country Roads isn't blaring out of the Gabba speakers at least four times on Friday night ...

THEN ...

I'll be surprised. Charlie Cameron overdue to hit the scoreboard, hard.

IF ...

you think Charlie, Weitering, Cripps, Walsh, Harry and TDK are the keys to the Blues ...

THEN ...

think again. When Adam Saad plays this year, Blues are 7-1. And he got injured early in that one loss - against Adelaide, by two points in round six.

IF ...

the likeability of the Magpies has been an unusual by-product of the Craig McRae era ...

THEN ...

the likeability went through the roof via the respect and class Collingwood players afforded Christian Petracca on Monday, after he had returned to play stricken with dangerous pain. 

IF ...

non-Victorian clubs are, rightly, getting nice and worked up about favourable travel requirements of the Victorian clubs ...

THEN ...

they may lose their minds when they analyse the remaining Bombers' matches. Extraordinarily, having just played at the MCG, their next nine matches are scheduled for Marvel Stadium or the MCG.

IF ...

the Dockers are, indeed, the real deal ...

THEN ...

they'll be flying back to Perth with another four premiership points. Their best to this point of 2024 has been better than their opponents on Saturday, the Bulldogs. No excuses.

IF ...

there's an adage in footy to which I always subscribe ...

THEN ...

it is that the great players always find a way. I've got Tom Stewart in the great category. Five All-Australian gongs from seven seasons propels him there. He's not playing as a great right now, though, Swan James Jordon the latest opponent to be successful in the 'Tag Tom' task, following Long, O'Halloran and McEntee. He will find a way, soon.

IF ...

Dimma wanted to blame Ross The Boss and Ross The Boss wanted to blame Dimma for that stink-fest of a match at Marvel Stadium last Saturday night ...

THEN ...

I'd suggest Dimma simply worry about his own role in the mess. The Suns kicked 7.6. Against the messy, struggling Saints. He sure can find new ways to sook things up, Dimma, after a loss.

IF ...

this is Harry Himmelberg's ninth season ...

THEN ...

it may also be his best. Have always loved the way he plays. Now playing as though he belongs.

IF ...

Sam Mitchell's public commentary as much as his actual coaching has been a powerful force this year ...

THEN ...

I absolutely loved him last weekend immediately embracing the opportunity of being opponents in Dusty's 300th match on Saturday. What an experience for this young team, which will be hellbent on playing the party pooper role.

IF ...

there is one thing medical practitioners loathe most ...

THEN ...

it is non-medical people making commentary about medical matters. And I understand the stress and duress of making in-game decisions on players who have been hurt. But in my eyes, one didn't need a medical degree to know that 'Trac' should not have gone back out onto the MCG on Monday. His opponents certainly knew that, too. Thankfully those opponents displayed a duty of care, and didn't make an already dangerous medical emergency far worse.

IF ...

Jy, LDU, Larkey, Harry, Georgie and X, fresh off a much-needed and belated win, all get going again on Sunday ...

THEN ...

they should be able to put the reigning premiers under pressure for a little while at least, maybe a long while. Nick Daicos could be absent with a leg injury. Hopefully Clarko is treating Sunday's match at Marvel Stadium like a final, with the Roos celebrating the 25th anniversary of their last premiership as a backdrop.

IF ...

you need to make brave calls as a coach to get the ultimate prize ...

THEN ...

Kenny is clearly prepared to make them. Dixon and Finlayson axed for Sunday's huge match against GWS. No mucking round with the word "managed", either. The right calls for this game.

IF ...

everyone's got a favourite Dusty moment ...

THEN ...

here's mine: the in-play goal he kicked just before half-time of the 2020 Grand Final against Geelong at the Gabba. The Cats had dominated that quarter, but his late-quarter snap, coming just after a near-miss, meant the scoreboard was more than manageable, even with shorter quarters in that COVID-affected season. The 3.2 (20) to 5.5 (35) scoreline at half-time became a 12.9 (81) to 7.8 (50) Tigers win, and the third flag and third Norm Smith Medal for Dusty. Dozens of his 337 career goals have been way more spectacular. None have been more history-shaping. 

IF ...

the team that Ross The Boss coaches was as unpredictable and loose as Ross The Boss is in media appearances ...

THEN ...

it'd be box office. But it's not. And while two wins the past two weeks is far better than another two losses, not even Saints supporters want to attend in big numbers.

IF ...

there seems to be an emerging theory of some that the Swans, with their 11-1 start, have given the remainder of the competition half the season to work them out ...

THEN ...

I subscribe to another theory: that the Swans are merely scratching the surface of what they're capable of. With Mills and Parker yet to be seen in 2024. Daylight second on the ladder.

IF ...

Elliot Yeo in 2017-19 was among the game's top dozen players ...

THEN ...

I'd love to see him sustain another period of high-end dominance. Special status is always rightly afforded those who win a best and fairest in a premiership season, as Yeo did in 2018. Injuries have curtailed him since 2019, where he hasn't played more than 12 games a season. Hope he reaches new terms with the Eagles.

IF ...

the Dogs were more than OK against the Swans in round 11 and very good versus the Magpies the week after ...

THEN ...

they unravelled the longer the game went against the Lions last weekend. Naughton, Darcy still out. But Weightman, Richards back for Saturday’s match against the Dockers in one of those must-win games.

AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL

IF ...

the official statement on Tuesday night read: "The AFL chief medical officer has spoken to Melbourne's doctors in relation to their management of Petracca yesterday. The AFL is comfortable with the processes Melbourne adopted" ...

THEN ...

I strongly hope the AFL football department has since felt the need to pull apart every single moment of what went down at the MCG on Monday. The images of an ailing Petracca after being put back out into play were difficult to watch, and a few chats between headquarters and club medicos in the 24 hours after the incident don't go near the investigative levels required on this.