| If | Friday night's game was at Adelaide Oval or even the MCG ... | then | ... we'd be strongly tipping the Crows. So we're only timidly tipping them. |
| If | this club dares ask for another priority draft pick ... | then | ... we get it. But the AFL must instantly reject. |
| If | you've got a good memory ... | then | ... you'll recall the membership slogan in 2010 was: "Can you smell what the Blues are cooking?" Our nostrils detected nothing then. There's a whiff of something now. |
| If | you choose to remain uneducated about mental health and continually seek to use mental health as a source of your self-proclaimed, hard-hitting opinions ... | then | ... you're scarily dangerous. Weak apologies make it even worse for everyone involved. As Taylor Adams emotionally articulated on Wednesday night about Alex Fasolo, he'll be there for him as a mate, and let the mental health professionals do their job. |
| If | Daniher signs for $2 million over three years ... | then | ... it's half what he's worth on the open market. |
| If | you turned around a disastrous start to the season with a six-from-seven winning streak but dish up a 100-point loss against the Crows in round 10 ... | then | ... the gains of rounds three to nine will mean nothing if you don't beat Collingwood. |
| If | the Cats add the Crows to the past fortnight's wins against the Dogs and the Power ... | then | ... yes, they are the real deal. |
| If | the Suns can get over the Eagles ... | then | ... as unlikely as it seems right now, they might just get on a winning run in a favourable back-half fixture. But on what we've seen in the past two weeks, it is a very big "if". |
| If | you win a Brownlow Medal and a Grand Final in the same year ... | then | ... you couldn't leave your mates right after. Could you? Despite the obvious lures, reckon Kelly stays. |
| If | the Power had been in full-on ruthless mode on Thursday night ... | then | ... the deficit would've been 25 goals. |
| If | there is actually such a thing as a season-defining match of football ... | then | ... for the Dees it is Monday week at the MCG. No excuses for a loss on the Queen's Birthday fixture. |
| If | Mason Wood stays injury free ... | then | ... we're tipping he's on a half-forward flank in the 2018 Virgin Australia AFL All Australian team. |
| If | you look at the stats from Thursday night's game ... | then | ... you need to look deep for Ryder. Proof that actual numbers don't mean a lot. And that Ryder is this side's most important player. |
| If | we'd belted this club in the past fortnight for those horrendous last-minute losses to Freo and GWS ... | then | ... we don't resile from that. But it's only fair that we now heap some praise for the heroics of Martin, Cotchin and co. last week in the Dreamtime game. |
| If | we were worried after round nine when the Swans got 'em ... | then | ... we were even more concerned last week after the Bulldogs game. Season is slipping away. |
| If | we were in control of list management here ... | then | ... we'd already know what the market was offering for Tippett and Reid, and deal with the highest bidders. Good players, but separation would provide mutual benefit. |
| If | there's no Nic Nat and now no Kennedy for a while ... | then | the season is looking grim. |
| If | we throw forward to September ... | then | ... we still see Cloke playing a key role. |
And by popular request ...
| If | you're a kid playing under-age footy ... | then | we hear you. You're saying if it's OK - all in the past three weeks - for Cotchin to belt Neale in the jaw, for Cunnington to jab Vince in the guts and for Jones to lash out at Breust, then it's OK for you to do so too. |
Want more?
• Take the Friday footy quiz: Know your State of Origin?
• State of Origin football: we pick the teams
Follow Damian Barrett on Twitter: @barrettdamian
