THE 2024 Toyota AFL Premiership season is over, but never fear, Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors is still going full steam ahead.
So put your seatbelt on and enjoy the ride as Damo takes off the gloves and takes aim at your team.
So what is he saying about your club? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below.
>> Check out the latest from Damian Barrett
IF ...
Alex Neal-Bullen and Isaac Cumming are already locked in and James Peatling joins them before Wednesday’s deadline
THEN ...
that will be an OK trade period for the Crows. But far from a guarantee that it will propel them into the finals for the first time since 2017.
IF ..
Joe Daniher is out but Danny Daly remains in
THEN ...
the Lions are still in front. It may be impossible to replace the key forward, but it would’ve been equally problematic to replace the key off-field player.
IF ...
Graham Wright was a very good footballer who lost a Brownlow Medal by one vote in a season in which he played a crucial role in a Collingwood premiership, 1990 ...
THEN ...
his biggest impact in football has actually come in off-field roles. Which makes the Blues' decision this week to make him their next CEO a brilliant one. A behind-scenes master operator in the Hawks' 2013-15 threepeat. And at Collingwood when needing to find Nathan Buckley's replacement as coach, he initially identified Sam Mitchell, prompting the Hawks to oust Clarko, before settling on Craig McRae.
IF ...
Jeff Browne is standing down as prez at the end of the year ...
THEN ...
I worry for what happens next. Will leave a massive leadership and authoritative void. Losing Graham Wright was a dreadful outcome. Losing Browne even worse.
IF ...
CEO Craig Vozzo feels the need to tell the world the Bombers are "looking to grow our leadership component" in sending the coach, captain and vice-captain to the USA, and also says, "we have spoken to our fans and our thirst for improvement is strong" ...
THEN ...
there are clearly even more problems than those which are very obvious. And this follows desperate president David Barham using the best-and-fairest function the previous week to ridiculously warn his players that "if you don't prepare properly, don't give your all on match day, conduct yourself as a professional athlete on and off the field, I don't think you’ll be here long". Please. Stop. This. Rubbish.
IF ...
Peter Bell in 2018 famously said it would be a “feather in my cap” if he got Lachie Neale to stay at the Dockers and not leave for the Lions , where he has happened to win two Brownlows and twice been a Brownlow placegetter
THEN ...
he will be deserving of a feather this week when Shai Bolton arrives.
IF ...
there's a clubhouse leader for best comment in the 2024 Trade Period ...
THEN ...
it's Andrew Mackie, who said this of the secret herbs and spices that went into the Saints getting pick eight as compo for loss of free agent Josh Battle: "It felt generous … by definition that means that they're in the top five per cent paid players in the competition, so that's what gets you tier one or band one (compensation) … I think Andrew Bassat would be feeling pretty good about things, strategically well timed."
IF ...
Dimma said “80 per cent of our first premiership side” was already listed when he joined the Suns in 2023
THEN ...
I wonder what percentage he will declare following the additions of Daniel Rioli and John Noble.
IF ...
Jake Stringer joins Jake Riccardi at the Giants
THEN ...
it might just be the greatest pairing of Jakes since Jack Nicholson and Harvey Keitel in the 1990 Hollywood movie The Two Jakes.
IF ...
Ginni and Wizard lit up the lives of so many footy lovers this year, and not just Hawks supporters ...
THEN ...
they selfishly put themselves ahead of a heap of kids last weekend. Continuing their growingly lucrative Hawks side-business actions, they'd charged kids $65 to attend a clinic, only to text in "sick" an hour before it was due to start, having attended the Hawks' best-and-fairest the previous night. Surely they will not only personally apologise to each kid, but make up for it with a rescheduled clinic, free of charge. Also, there's a trusted old-school adage that may be lost on these new-school TikTok footballers … you gotta play hurt.
IF ...
the Dees tried to shut down the Clarry talk late last week ...
THEN ...
it hasn't gone away. He still desperately wants out. And the Cats will try something before Wednesday night's trade deadline. Whatever the outcome, this club cannot continue with Gary Pert as CEO.
IF ...
Clarko, now entering his third season as Roos coach, wanted to bring in three experienced players from other clubs way back in his first season
THEN ...
I’d understand it better. But Darling, Parker and maybe Daniel in his third season is self-preservation first and foremost.
IF ...
IF I was running Port Adelaide
THEN ...
I wouldn’t be allowing the contracted Dan Houston to leave. It just does not make sense to allow this two-time All-Australian gun to just walk out. What am I missing?
IF ...
the Tigers haven't had a national draft booty this prized since the 2004 draft ...
THEN ...
well, for their sake I hope they put it to better use in 2024!
IF ...
there's always new herbs and new spices being added to the recipe which ultimately produces a draft pick as compensation for loss of a free agent ...
THEN ...
the latest ingredient is a president using the podium at his best-and-fairest count to bag the AFL on an unrelated matter. Andrew Bassat a master chef in 2024.
IF ...
the Swans’ own media platforms in late 2021 were blasting out “Parker Set To Be A Blood For Life” when the gun midfielder negotiated a four-season deal
THEN ...
here’s more proof that an AFL players’ contract means absolutely nothing.
IF ...
Woosha failed at Essendon as coach in almost impossible circumstances in 2016-20
THEN ...
as a West Coast person, he is up there with the greatest ever. Captain in three Grand Finals, two winning ones. Coach in two, for one success. Back as head of footy. Great appointment.
IF ...
Caleb Daniel is still a Bulldog after 7.30pm Wednesday
THEN ...
I will be surprised. Bevo only wants to keep him as a back-up option. He wants out. North wants him.
AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL
IF ...
there is one initiative the AFL must include in its next Collective Bargaining Agreement with the Players Association
THEN ...
it is to remove the full-control that players have when identifying their new football homes. This should be a two-way street. Clubs should not be beholden to dealing only with clubs pre-determined by exiting players.