IF
 		THEN
 
Adelaide
 		the Crows haven't yet loosened the purse strings for Josh Jenkins ...... they better do so soon. The outside offers are coming in, and he's worth more than they think they can afford.
Brisbane Lions
 		the AFL sat down at fixture time last year and set out to structure the toughest eight opening rounds as it possibly could for the Brisbane Lions ......  it succeeded. Needed far more help from headquarters than they got.
Carlton
 		Weitering thought it was tough playing on Jack Riewoldt and Buddy in his first two AFL matches ...... it won't be any easier against Tom Lynch in his third. But he's holding up very nicely.
Collingwood
 		Jackson Ramsay ever gets a sustained crack at football ...... he'll be a very, very good player. But that, unfortunately, is now in doubt after another serious setback. And there’s a lot of disappointment from the coach, who admires him immensely.
Essendon
 		BJ is still playing producer on that movie idea of his ...... he's got a Rocky-style scene to work with after that great win last week.
Fremantle
 		you thought we were going to waver on you-know-who ...... you were wrong. We're all-in, and we reckon Ross The Boss will conjure a win against the Eagles.
Geelong
 		the Cats really let go on Sunday against the Lions ...... we're looking at a three-figure winning margin.
Gold Coast
 		things go to plan for Rocket Eade from here ...... his team will be 4-0. And if he is able to keep Lynch on his now-rapid surge into the elite category of player, there will be finals in September.
Greater Western Sydney

 		you recall the first half of 2015 ...... you'll be aware that when big Mummy is part of this team anything seems possible. Happy to argue the case that no single player in the entire comp is more crucial to his side's fortunes than Mummy is to the Giants.
Hawthorn
 		we're all to be honest with ourselves ...... we all read way too much into what happened against Geelong in round one.
Melbourne
 		we're all to be honest with ourselves, again ...... we have all been way too hard on a 21-year-old who has played 22 matches.
North Melbournethis column is to be honest with itself ...... it needs to acknowledge that it had doubts on the merits of recruiting Waite at the end of 2014.
Port Adelaide
 		there's one guy standing up to the mounting pressures at this club ...... it is the man who has won the past two best-and-fairests. But Gray needs help. Now.
Richmond
 		Dimma really wants to influence the media in what issues it should and shouldn't tackle ...... it's very simple. Stop choking in the coach's box, and help stop your players from choking on-field, when games enter the crunch moments.
St Kilda
 		round one gave hope ...... round two provided only despair. Worried about where this team is at, but not writing it off just yet.
Sydney Swans
 		Parker played for, say, Collingwood ...... he'd be lauded as a Selwood rolled into a Mitchell rolled into a Dangerfield rolled into a Swan-type of player. Pound for pound, could make a case that he is the most complete midfielder in the comp.
West Coast
 		we were to have ranked our disappointments of round two ...... the Eagles topped our list, ahead of Melbourne, Richmond, Port and St Kilda.
Western Bulldogsthe Dogs beat the Hawks ...... there's no more lid.


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Follow Damian Barrett on Twitter: @barrettdamian