| If | everyone at this club was as honest on and off field as Richie Douglas ... |
| then | it would be a better place than it has been in 2018. Refreshing, courageous honesty about the self-inflicted woes of 2017 going into 2018. |
| If | there's one guy on whom we've heaped an extraordinary amount of deserved praise in the past two years ... |
| then | it's Dayne Zorko. So it's only fair that we call him out for his immature, unsportsmanlike and embarrassing post-match behaviour against Touk Miller. Not good enough, no matter the build-up . |
| If | there haven't already been enough demoralising records set in the past 16 seasons ... |
| then | this one, bizarrely, might actually be the worst. A loss to the Crows would mean Carlton's lowest win tally (two) in a season since 1901. Ouch. |
| If | you look back to the VFL a month ago ... |
| then | you would've noticed Aish, Murphy, Madgen and Oxley were in the Pies team. That quartet is now a crucial part of a back six which has defied the odds all year. |
| If | Woosha's public utterances about this not being a wasted season are actually the same utterances he's making internally ... |
| then | Xavier Campbell needs to pull him aside and read him the riot act. For a club which has for self-inflicted reasons wasted a few seasons since 2013, to miss the finals in the clean air of 2018 was a massive failure for which he needs to take full responsibility. |
| If | we drank the Ross Lyon Kool-Aid for many years ... |
| then | we don't apologise, the man was brilliantly unique. But we're spitting it out now. Had enough, Ross. |
| If | we're to be honest ... |
| then | we had never heard of Esava Ratugolea until early this year. But we now think the Cats won't be doing anything significant in September unless he returns from injury. |
| If | Steven May's manager is actively engaging in conversations about him with rival clubs ... |
| then | as we've been saying for months now: this matter needs to be brought to a head. May either commits for years beyond his 2019 contract, or he’s traded out in October. |
| If | there's again been a lot of unfortunate injuries to key players ... |
| then | Zac Williams' return this week from an Achilles injury goes a long way to rectifying the imbalance. Genuine star. |
| If | Jeff has only recently managed to kill off one Kennett Curse ... |
| then | no idea why he would seek to create another one, or at the very least, poke another bear. "He's never played well against Hawthorn," Buddy. Two things. One, that's inaccurate. Two, Clarko ain't happy. |
| If | this sounds silly ... |
| then | so be it. The Dees are now the main danger to the Tigers for the flag, no matter what happens this weekend. |
| If | it gets to half-time and big Benny Brown is within six goals of catching the Coleman Medal leader (likely to be Riewoldt) ... |
| then | Scott's System needs to become Pagan's Paddock in the second half. |
| If | we thought Adelaide and Essendon had fashioned season 2018 into wastelands ... |
| then | this mob might somehow have created the biggest tundra. Staggering what has happened since the 11-4 scoreline after round 16. |
| If | Cotchin, Prestia and Astbury are the ins for a round 23 match ... |
| then | the dream run with player availability continues. |
| If | you kicked four goals last week and 10 in the past four games ... |
| then | we reckon you've done OK (in a team which has embarrassed itself this year). But as Jack Lonie's manager says, if there's no contract from the Saints, then Jack "has to look" for a new club. |
| If | the Swans are to conjure something remarkable this year ... |
| then | we think they're going to need Grundy in the 22. Good to see him back. |
| If | this club back in March was presented with the scenario that beating the Lions in round 23 would earn it a home qualifying final ... |
| then | it would have taken a split second to accept that challenge, even in the knowledge that Nic Nat, Kennedy and Gaff were unavailable. Deserve to win, should win. |
| If | it was Bevo's birthday yesterday ... |
| then | is it too late to get him a present? |
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| If | there are two rule changes we demand for 2019 ... |
| then | one, the mark trumps the free kick awarded to a player on the same team when both acts occur at the same time. (One day, a mark of the year will be lost.) And two, if a player passes the ball to a teammate after informing the umpire he is using his 30-second allowance for a set shot at goal, it is a play-on call, no matter where the ball is marked. (As it stands, the game's most rort-able rule among many rort-able rules.). |
Twitter: @barrettdamian
