Adelaide Crows

If

this weekend's game against the Bulldogs was considered a gimme before team selection ...

then

it's far from that now. Tex, Gov, Crouch joining other big names out injured. It's a crisis.


Brisbane Lions

If

one more person says this is the best 0-8 team ever ...

then

we'll threaten to do a Terry Wallace and throw-up. Time to actually win a game of footy.


Carlton

If

Jed Lamb keeps sledging everyone he comes across  ...

then

that's fine. That's his decision to make, and the AFL nor the AFLPA, clearly, will never seek to outlaw it. But he needs to be more aware than he seems to be that, when he crosses the verbal line, he'll cop some back.

Collingwood

If

he was becoming extremely frustrated to the point of anger with exclusion from the senior team ...

then

Fas will be happy this weekend. Good to see him back.

Essendon

If

you think sacking an assistant makes all the problems go away ...

then

you'd better think again. But we know you know that, and await more necessary changes.

Fremantle

If

the Dockers want to shake the doom settling on them ...

then

Walters and Wilson returning is a good start. But so much more needs to happen on so many levels.

Geelong Cats

If

Paddy wants to voice an opinion about the confusion created by the umpire contact shambles  ...

then

he has every right. People need to loosen up. Yes, he's a Cat, and yes, he's president of the AFLPA. He wasn't making this a Geelong thing.

Gold Coast Suns

If

there's a lottery over there in Shanghai ...

then

Steven May should buy a ticket. Should not be playing this week.

GWS Giants

If

you look at the raw numbers ...

then

this is near-crisis. With injuries mounting, the Giants have kicked just 31 goals in the past four matches. Premiership window about two centimetres open.

Hawthorn

If

Sicily attempts to rough up Hodgey ...

then

he will officially become our new No.1 favourite. The way he's wired, reckon he won't be able to help himself. Go James, do it.




Melbourne

If

Jack Viney doesn't maim someone this weekend ...

then

we'll be both glad and surprised. Like a caged animal who's been let out, watch him ferociously make up for lost time. Bad luck, Blues.

North Melbourne

If

Cunnington played for Hawthorn or Collingwood or Richmond ...

then

he'd have competition-wide cult status.

Port Adelaide

If

we're sceptical, and yes we are, and we don't apologise ...

then

we ain't buying the sell that this China game works on any level.

Richmond

If

you've got a family dinner booked on Sunday ...

then

cancel. Now. Only one place to be. In front of a TV by 4.40pm AEST. Tigers v Eagles. A Gunfight at the O.K Corral-style game of footy coming your way. Can. Not. Wait.

St Kilda

If

you've got any fight, any pride, any willpower ...

then

show it this Saturday against Collingwood.

Sydney Swans

If

there's two better ins for a game of footy in this 2018 season than Bud and Hannebery ...

then

it might only be Rance and Martin, or Danger and Joel.

West Coast Eagles

If

you start the round on the fifth line of premiership betting ...

then

can you finish it on the first? Probably not. But if you do as we expect and comfortably beat the Tigers, the flag dream is officially alive.

Western Bulldogs

If

Dale Morris is fit to play footy ...

then

he shouldn't be playing VFL. This warrior shouldn't be wasting whatever matches he has left in his banged-up system at the lower level.

If

you look up "shambles' in a 21st century dictionary ...

then

there are headshots of two Curnows, Hawkins and May. And also Burton.

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