| If | Don Pyke wants some non-technical help in analysing what happened in Hobart last weekend ... | then | ... we're happy to provide it. Your players had overdosed on their own bathwater. |
Dejected Crows leave the field after a Roo belting in Tasmania. Picture: AFL Photos
| If | we liked what we saw in round one ... | then | ... we haven't liked much since. A rejuvenated Hawthorn in Launceston looms as ugly, too. |
| If | you think Dale Thomas has just given up a potentially financially lucrative clause in his contract without getting anything back in return ... | then | ... you don't know how wily his manager Paul Connors is. Devil is always in detail. |
| If | the jungle drums we heard during the week were in sync ... | then | ... Treloar's groin problems have returned. |
| If | you've lost four of your past five ... | then | ... you've got to show some real fight against the Cats this weekend. They, too, have had a bad fortnight and are not daunting. |
| If | last week's round of upsets is to partially flow into this round ... | then | ... the Dockers are worth deep consideration against the Tigers. |
| If | there's one thing we love in a season of footy ... | then | ... it's the selection of a bolter. Irish rookie Mark O’Connor's debut in round eight can't be topped in this category this year. |
| If | we've been a tad sceptical, even cynical, about this China game ... | then | ... we're prepared to concede now. No run-of-the-mill home-and-away match-up like this one has ever received a greater build-up. |
Rodney Eade and Ken Hinkley face the media in Shanghai. Picture: AFL Photos
| If | we thought this club had extraordinary, never-before-seen depth ... | then | ... we're clearly going to have to re-think that. Rookie-list players Sam Reid and first-gamer Daniel Lloyd are in this round eight team. |
| If | there's one thing Clarko likes more than one of his trusty lieutenants getting a senior gig at another club ... | then | ... it is beating that guy the first time they clash. Good luck, Fages. |
Alastair Clarkson and Chris Fagan in happier times: Picture: AFL Photos
| If | the run, disposal efficiency and flair when bringing the ball out of the backline is not significantly improved in the next month ... | then | ... this season is going to be like so many before it: disappointing. |
| If | Jarrad Waite contributed to so many of his problems in the past with the MRP ... | then | ... we feel sorry for him after last week's suspension for a dodgy tackle. Didn't think he did much wrong there, and might have simply suffered from tackling Tom Lynch in the same week Koby Stevens nailed Nathan Wilson. |
Jarrad Waite has a word to the umpire during the Roos' clash with the Crows. Picture: AFL Photos
| If | you want to fast-track Wingard's progress as a midfielder ... | then | ... assign him Ablett in this match. Would love to see it happen. |
Chad Wingard celebrates a goal for Port in round seven. Picture: AFL Photos
| If | Martin was assigned Fyfe at the MCG on Sunday, or vice-versa ... | then | ... we'd be in for a treat. Bring it on. |
| If | Richo keeps making McCartin play in the VFL ... | then | ... he'll be seeking to play AFL elsewhere in 2018. |
Former No.1 draft pick Paddy McCartin toils away in the VFL. Picture: AFL Photos
| If | you were considered the missing link in a losing Grand Final last year, when you were absent with injury, and then by round seven the next season you're axed because you missed a training session ... | then | ... you've had an abrupt fall. Aliir Aliir at a crossroads. |
Out-of-favour Swan Aliir Aliir at a recent training session. Picture: Getty Images
| If | this mob defeats the Doggies ... | then | we'll back off on the flat-trackers stuff for at least a week. |
| If | there's one thing we've learnt with Beveridge as coach ... | then | ... it is that the bookies' odds and the on-paper match-ups don't matter. Every game is winnable with him in charge ... |
And by popular request ...
| If | you want Exhibit A of what's wrong with AFL rules this year ... | then | ... we present Koby Stevens' tackle on Nathan Wilson. Umpire deemed it worthy of a free kick to Stevens. MRP said it was a two-game suspension to Stevens (downgraded to one after early plea). |
Koby Stevens wraps up Nathan Wilson before dumping him into the ground. AFL Photos
Follow Damian Barrett on Twitter: @barrettdamian
