IF
 		THEN
 
Adelaide
 		you've been wondering why Brent Reilly has sat on 199 games for five weeks...
…the answer is Brodie Smith, who can seriously play.
Brisbane Lions
 		we've dished it out to the Lions this year, and it's fair to say we haven't missed them......it is right that on the back of two really nice wins that we say, "well done".
Carlton
 		you assess this club's run home......Mick's 700th coming on the weekend to celebrate the Blues' 150th birthday may be its only celebration of substance for a while. Plays the top nine teams in final 11 games. Ouch.
Collingwood
 		you blame Paul Roos or the umpires for all of Monday's eyesore......don't forget to add the Pies players. Are a class above and should've had Melbourne buried by half time.
Essendon
 		you issue yet more breathtaking "we love James" propaganda to members saying it would be an "unlikely event" that your players would receive show-cause notices...…about three hours later your players receive show cause notices, how silly do you look? Very, but that's no longer a surprise to us.
Fremantle
 		Colin Sylvia was expecting to walk into a flag contender and do it his way from day one......he's finally got the reality check he needed about six years ago. Ross is boss.
Geelong
 		the Cats had money for Heath Shaw when he was available last year, and with at least one more gun to exit at the end of 2014......there will be cash for a key forward in the next exchange period.
Gold Coast
 		you want a roughie for your footy tips this weekend...
...make it the Suns to knock off the Eagles in Perth.
Greater Western Sydney

 		fans aren't going to rock up to Essendon v Giants...
...they're not going to rock up to any game. Does anyone care up there?
Hawthorn
 		the Hawks could just lose a game this year……maybe we might see a darker side of the too-nice Brendon Bolton. Doubt it, because he is said to be a ripping bloke, but it would be fun to see, don’t you think?
Melbourne
 		James Frawley is going to the Hawks......they will stamp themselves as the best recruiting team of the modern era. Would be an extraordinary get after losing Buddy.
North Melbourneour gut feel is right......Shaun Atley is about to launch himself right into the game's elite.
Port Adelaide
 		the Power breeze into Sydney and come away with the points......the premiership betting markets might finally reflect the ladder.
Richmond
 		you're the CEO of a team which is 3-8...
 		...should you be heading off to the soccer World Cup for 10 days? Nup.
St Kilda
 		the Western Bulldogs are copping it for being irrelevant......the Saints can’t be too far behind. Yes, it's harsh. But something has to happen soon.
Sydney Swans
 		Buddy Franklin committed that bump back in round six (pre-Viney)......he gets a week, minimum. It's just about a free-for-all on an opponent's head, post-Viney.
West Coast
 		you wanted one more thing for which to admire Darren Glass, on top of three B&Fs, a premiership and All Australian captaincy among four All Australian nominations......add the fact he he put his team ahead of a farewell game.
Western Bulldogsthe Dogs showed as much fight on the field as their president off it......they wouldn't be in this position on the ladder.

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Follow Damian Barrett on Twitter: @barrettdamian