IF
 		THEN
 
Adelaide
 		there is one phone call going to be made next week from an Adelaide Crows’ phone account to a person from another club ...... it will be to Simon Goodwin, just to ask the same question to which he said, "No" last September. Just to be sure.
Brisbane Lions
 		you're the Lions and you've got no one of note in the team "spine" positions, and you're already last on the ladder and you know that the No.1 pick in the draft is being touted as a key position superstar ...... you're not going to be trying too hard to win too many remaining matches.
Carlton
 		anyone knows where Lachie Henderson’s ability has gone ...... please ring John Barker. Or Chris Scott.
Collingwood
 		you're not into public displays of affection ...... there’s actually nothing wrong with that.
Essendon
 		you recruit Jon Giles ...... you just play him right now. Surely.
Fremantle
 		Ross 'the Boss' refrained from anger post-match last weekend ...... we got a hint of such feeling at selection on Thursday night. Four axings says Ross 'the Boss' ain't happy.
Geelong
 		the Cats lose at home again this weekend ...... we have to go back to 2003 to find the last time they dropped four in a season at the venue.
Gold Coast
 		Gaz now has two games behind him ...... he's due for a 40-plus possession game this weekend. But even that probably won't be enough to secure a win.
Greater Western Sydney

 		Adam Treloar chose to be so publicly adamant a couple months ago about staying a Giant when we revealed the big Collingwood offer ...... we thought he would've re-signed by now.
Hawthorn
 		Matt Suckling is "flustered" by conjecture around his contractual status ...... there's a very simple way to remove it, Matt.
Melbourne
 		you sign a guy to a five-year deal - two years as an assistant coach and three as senior coach from 2017 ...... you know the deal is watertight. But you know the Crows will be making the call anyway.
North Melbournewe've been critical of this club's preparedness to make tough calls ...... we won't do so again if Brad Scott maintains last week's aggressive decisions and words. Even if we thought he was a tad tough on Boomer.
Port Adelaide
 		Paddy Ryder wants to walk out of one club for good money at another ...... he has to perform. Now.
Richmond
 		you said two years ago that an injured Shane Edwards would be a big loss for the Tigers ...... people would have laughed at you. Big steps last year, massive ones this year. Will be missed.
St Kilda
 		anyone in the history of this football club has earned the right to play a particular game even if nowhere near fit and even if there is a fear he will break down before half time ...... it is Nick Riewoldt. There is no option.
Sydney Swans
 		we are living in an era where every footballer is told he must conform to team principles for every second of every day ...... we really hope Bud can spare himself a few moments this weekend to remind his old club of his old talents. And to also scream past 700 career goals.
West Coast
 		we are reading this team accurately ......  it'll be flying back to Perth on Saturday night with a four-goal win to its name.
Western Bulldogsthe Bulldogs are successful in their pitch to Jake Carlisle ...... they're going to look pretty good in 2016.


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Follow Damian Barrett on Twitter: @barrettdamian