IT'S BACK ... Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors has returned for 2022 and no one and NO CLUB is safe.
So put your seatbelt on and enjoy the ride as Damo takes off the gloves and starts swinging.
So what is he saying about your club? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below, and don't forget to catch the latest episode of AFL Daily while you're here.
IF ...
seven wins were secured in 2021, including those against premier Melbourne and prelim finalist Geelong ...
THEN ...
there's a bit to work with. So much will depend on a second-year player, though, in Riley Thilthorpe.
IF ..
the glass is half empty, losing five of six finals in the past three seasons, including straight-sets exits in 2019 and 2021, is damning, but if it's half full ...
THEN ...
this side is ready to win its first premiership since 2003. My tip for the '22 flag.
IF ...
you ever saw a brick wall still intact after contact with Michael Voss when he was playing for the Lions in the '90s and '00s ...
THEN ...
well done, because not many did. Get the feeling that that run-through-brick-wall mindset will be at play at the Blues this year, along with a refined attacking game plan. Look out.
IF ...
Darcy Moore isn't already Collingwood's most important player ...
THEN ...
he will be very soon. Ready to join the game's very, very best.
IF ...
big Sam Draper stays fit ...
THEN ...
here's the official new competition-wide cult figure.
IF ...
big Sean Darcy stays fit ...
THEN ...
here's the back-up competition-wide cult figure.
IF ...
you're one of the many critics of this club ...
THEN ...
I just don't get it. Give me its attitude of desperately trying to win a flag every single season over some of the copout agendas of rivals. And don't rule out a flag in '22.
IF ...
Ben King has opted to stay ...
THEN ...
that's a major positive. But he won't be playing even one match in 2022, a season which will determine the futures of so many people attached to this club, from the coach down.
IF ...
this team has not only made finals, but won finals, in five of the past six seasons ...
THEN ...
it's silly to write off its finals hopes in 2022. But that's what I'm doing. Toby's absence to really hurt.
IF ...
you've heard the one about the footy club president agreeing to pay arguably the greatest coach ever $1 million to NOT coach his club in 2022 ...
THEN ...
it's even funnier now that the season is about to start.
IF ...
you go back to that most extraordinary goal blitz in last year's Grand Final ...
THEN ...
while Petracca, Oliver, Fritsch and Brown deservedly demanded most attention, make sure you still pay due respect to the off-half-a-step, 52-metre, momentum-driving bomb from Tom Sparrow. Reckon this unassuming kid is pretty special, a gun in the making.
IF ...
there is one thing this club has rarely been lacking ...
THEN ...
it is an ability to generate positive media out of nowhere, sometimes out of nothing. Time for some genuine substance where it matters most: on-field.
IF ...
you're winning 18 matches in a season ...
THEN ...
you're doing a lot right. But that prelim final debacle? Can't get it out of my head. Not convinced those who played in it will be able to, either.
IF ...
you go back to 1991 ...
THEN ...
you'll recall the Hawks won a flag they weren't really expected to win, adding a fifth title to an already-great premiership winning era. No reason the Tigers can't add a fourth to their already great streak.
IF ...
the 2020 season was a good one and the 2021 one not-so ...
THEN ...
I fear what 2022 may produce. Just can't see anywhere near enough wins to make finals..
IF ...
the showman voice in his head is louder than the marketing voice in his head ...
THEN ...
Bud will kick the five goals required to reach his career 1000th by half-time of round one, against the Giants in an away game. But if it is the marketing voice which cuts through, Bud will deliberately kick no more than four, and wait for a Swans home fixture the following round under Friday night lights.
IF ...
empires ultimately crumble ...
THEN ...
this year looms as that year for the Eagles. A disastrous off-season on so many fronts.
IF ...
Gandhi, Che Guevara and Rosa Luxemburg were somehow made aware that they were all referenced at the official launch of the Western Bulldogs' 2022 AFL season ...
THEN ...
I'm sure they'd be chuffed albeit curious. And pretty sure they'd like to get to the bottom of how this team conceded 16 of the last 17 goals in last year's Grand Final.
AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL
IF ...
it was way too late ...
THEN ...
it was better than never. The crackdown on umpire abuse must now stay at zero tolerance.