IT'S BACK ... Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors is up and running for 2022 and no one and NO CLUB is safe.

So put your seatbelt on and enjoy the ride as Damo takes off the gloves and takes aim at your team.

So what is he saying about your club? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below.

IF ...

the personal footy high was winning the best and fairest in 2020 ...

THEN ...

for Reilly O'Brien the low is being axed this round.

IF ..

you're a footy thoroughbred ...

THEN ...

no need for a trial run in the lesser league. Not seen in a football match since round 17 last year when he badly damaged a knee, Eric Hipwood straight back into the ones.

IF ...

the Blues under Voss have just got on with the setbacks, including Jones retiring, McGovern breaking down and COVID ruling out the coach after just one game ...

THEN ...

McKay's absence still presents as a potentially massive problem for this surging team. It will certainly expose Curnow to more heat.

IF ...

Kane Cornes, Joel Selwood and Rhyan Mansell couldn't get him ...

THEN ...

illness has. Unfortunately, no Friday night lights for Jack Ginnivan. Out of big clash with Dogs.

IF ...

the round eight win against Hawthorn was a fantastic result ...

THEN ...

as exciting as it was, it prompted the question: where the bloody hell had that endeavour and spark been in the first seven matches?

IF ...

the Dockers can travel to the Cattery in round seven and win without Nat, Darcy and Taberner ...

THEN ...

a trip to the Gold Coast in round nine shouldn't pose any problems.

IF ...

the Cats had an unusual four players under 22 in their 23 last weekend ...

THEN ...

normal transmission has resumed and it's back to two for round nine. Others have an issue with that. I don't. This club keeps winning enough games to make high-end finals, and if it keeps doing that, one day it will cop a September break.

IF ...

Curnow-McKay (45 goals between them) and Cameron-Hawkins (47) have generated 99 per cent of headlines on the one-two forward line acts ...

THEN ...

Casboult-Chol (33) are deserving of a bit more love. If only Ben King was up and running.

IF ...

it's really tough on Leon Cameron to be exited after managing finals wins in five separate seasons, including an elimination final just nine matches ago ...

THEN ...

it nevertheless sends the most powerful of messages that only the ultimate success will be good enough. And that's OK. The best clubs possess that attitude. Cameron was given 10 seasons, and had a very good, and successful (without winning the ultimate prize) crack. 

IF ...

Tom Mitchell is being "managed" out of a game of football ...

THEN ...

let's be adult about this, and call it what it actually it is. He's not feeling great. That's a fact, and the club is happy for people to know that. But he's also not playing all that well, too, under new coach Sam Mitchell. Tom Mitchell is a professional footballer, a Brownlow Medallist, three-time best-and-fairest winner, contracted to play 22 home and away matches a season. And his team has "managed" him out of a round nine match. If he's sick, say he's sick. If it's for form, say it’s for form. If it's for personal reasons, say it’s for personal reasons.

IF ...

Keith Greig, Dougy Hawkins and Robbie Flower were once the kings on the wing ...

THEN ...

Ed Langdon is the current one. And doing things very differently to everyone else in the game.

IF ...

Leon Cameron's time at the Giants is up ...

THEN ...

the Roos should today pick up the phone and ask him to join them for the remainder of the season. Not as coach, but as high-end support for David Noble.

IF ...

the Eagles presented as a perfect opponent in round six after the Power had slumped to 0-5...

THEN ...

North Melbourne in round nine is also manna from heaven. Form more than OK, even in the season-opening five losses. Seriously pushed Brisbane at the Gabba in round one, was in front when the final siren sounded in round three against Adelaide, fell short by three points in round five against the rampaging Carlton.

IF ...

everyone has been doubting the flag credentials of the Tigers this year ...

THEN ...

I've held firm. And now that Dusty is back, reckon they are going to cause lots of damage in the next three months, and potentially go a long way.

IF ...

Jack Billings is back after injury for his first game of the year ...

THEN ...

that is good news. Has genuine talent. But nine seasons into his career, needs to make a stand and help lead this side into another finals series.

IF ...

Tom Hickey is back after another knee injury ...

THEN ...

Sydney will get back on the winners' list. The most unlikely Swans' barometer.

IF ...

the night-time activities of Eagles players were thought to be a problem of the past, say, most of the 2000s under John Worsfold's watch ...

THEN ...

it's mind-boggling that in a COVID landscape such behaviour under Adam Simpson's watch could again adversely impact the entire club.

IF ...

Bont is back, even at 60 per cent ...

THEN ...

that's huge for this club in this sputtering season. A serious ankle problem, general soreness, maybe even illness. And even with all of that, tipping him to produce a three-Brownlow-vote performance tonight, and remind the comp he is still the best.

AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL

IF ...

there are soooooo many players being "managed" or "rested" by clubs these days ...

THEN ...

surely it is time for the game's controlling body to mandate the revealing of the real reasons for omissions. Some sports bodies around the world actually fine clubs for breaches in injury reporting.