WITH the 2022 Toyota AFL Premiership season up and running, naturally, Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors is also up and about.
So put your seatbelt on and enjoy the ride as Damo takes off the gloves and takes aim at your team.
So what is he saying about your club? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below.
>> CLICK HERE TO READ MORE BARRETT
IF ...
there have been a number of problems for the Crows in the 2022 season ...
THEN ...
none would be bigger than a loss to North Melbourne on Sunday. This is one of those really nasty games, where only a win is acceptable.
IF ..
this seems harsh ...
THEN ...
so be it: there was not one positive to come from Thursday night's venture against Melbourne at the MCG. Embarrassing, even, on some levels.
IF ...
it wasn't a mirror that was broken, a ladder that was walked under, an umbrella which was opened inside, or even the sighting of a black cat ...
THEN ...
it must just be plain bad luck going on with those who play the key defensive posts. From Liam Jones to Mitch McGovern to Oscar McDonald to Jacob Weitering to Sam Durdin. And Matt Taberner is back for the Dockers for Saturday's match at Marvel Stadium.
IF ...
Daniel won't McStay at the Lions and has a lot of interest in joining the Pies in 2023 ...
THEN ...
Jordan could very easily De Goey as part of a Brisbane-Collingwood exchange. Very real possibility. Might even be the perfect club, and city, for De Goey to finally get his act together.
IF ...
the win against St Kilda in round 14 was very good ...
THEN ...
the attitude and mindset which led to it must become the norm for the remainder of the season.
IF ...
David Mundy this weekend enters the top 10 of matches played with game No.366 ...
THEN ...
he could finish the season in seventh place. Brent Harvey (432), Tuck, Burgoyne, Bartlett, Fletcher, Rob Harvey, Madden, Bradley, Goodes, Quinlan (366). Still having major impact.
IF ...
the big-name Cat expected to return this week was Paddy Dangerfield ...
THEN ...
it was deflating that he won't be out there against Richmond. But it's still massive that Jack Henry is among the ins. Hasn't been since round five. A gun. Crucial to this side's very serious flag push.
IF ...
Witts-Miller-Rowell-Anderson isn't yet near Gawn-Petracca-Oliver-Viney levels ...
THEN ...
the Suns' starting midfield quartet is closing the gap. And there is depth beneath, too. Looming as one of the great stories of 2022, the Suns, but they can't afford to lose to Port on Sunday.
IF ...
I was Giants interim coach Mark McVeigh ...
THEN ...
I'd be throwing Harry Himmelberg back into the forward line on Sunday, after the successful month-long repositioning of him as a key defender. Could really stretch the Pies' defence.
IF ...
Mitch Lewis is back in the goalsquare ...
THEN ...
the Hawks are a chance against the Dogs on Friday night. Averaging three goals a game this year and has become as important as any Hawk on the list.
IF ...
Steven May had caused carnage three weeks ago with a drunken night with teammates ...
THEN ...
he provided his renowned on-field calmness against the Lions upon his return on Thursday night. No coincidence the three straight losses came with him going down with concussion in the first (Fremantle), missing the second (Sydney) through concussion protocols, and the third (Collingwood) due to a club-issued suspension. Extraordinary football talent.
IF ...
Geoff Walsh has twice walked out on North, once as CEO and once as footy department boss, to go to Collingwood ...
THEN ...
surely there were many other football industry people the Roos could have hired to help fix this most almighty of messes. And no idea why the need for another consultant (Paul Roos is still on the books, all the way from the USA) to tell them what they surely already know.
IF ...
Port Adelaide fans are familiar with the phrase 'eight-point game' ...
THEN ...
that's what Sunday's match against Gold Coast is. Port, 12th, 24 premiership points, versus the Suns, 11th, 28. There won't be finals in the event of a loss.
IF ...
Dusty is back ...
THEN ...
the footy world is a better place. Even in this most difficult and interrupted season, still has the most must-watch qualities of any footballer.
IF ...
it was the bad St Kilda on display in round 14's loss to Essendon ...
THEN ...
the good one desperately needs to return against the Swans on Saturday night at the SCG. Ryder and Hill being out won't make it easy. But Steele returning is massive.
IF ...
there are many bigger names at the Swans than Tom Hickey ...
THEN ...
there's less on the list of most important. Has managed just five games this year, back for round 15. This side just looks better with this gangly, four-club journeyman out there.
IF ...
the 2022 season to this point has been an unmitigated disaster for the Eagles ...
THEN ...
last week was OK against the Cats. And I can't believe I'm doing this – tipping them to beat Essendon on Friday night.
IF ...
the good news relating to Tim English came in a fresh, two-year contract to stay with the Dogs ...
THEN ...
the bad news was again being sidelined with concussion. Missed four matches last year after teammate Aaron Naughton accidentally smashed him, suffered another big hit out of last week's win against GWS and will miss Friday night's match against Hawthorn.
AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL
IF ...
many are still slamming the 'stand' rule ...
THEN ...
not me. What the critics need to realise is that, crucially, it allows the player with the ball to take on the 45-degree option. The relatively isolated umpiring howlers aside, I reckon it has been very good for the game.