TOM Downie knows he has had two football lives.
The two versions of himself are punctuated by mental health torment at the peak of his powers, before he rose again to reclaim his identity.
“I am very grateful to get a second chance,” Downie, 29, who will play his 100th NEAFL/VFL match for Williamstown against Essendon at Williamstown Oval on Saturday, acknowledges from the outset.
Hailing from Benalla, Downie grew up on a steady diet of sport – football, cricket and basketball – thanks to his father’s sporting interests.
When the growth spurts took hold in his mid to late teens, basketball became the sport of choice.
Downie’s motivation was encouraged by consistent selection at the elite junior basketball level, including representing Australia at the 2010 Under-17 World Championships in Germany.
He moved school to Ballarat’s St Patrick’s College to join its prominent basketball program, but in 2011 the all-year-round nature of the sport was taking its toll mentally and physically.
He had looked to pursue his career in the US College system, but he would have to summon the motivation to learn a new position – his height of 203cm (or almost 6 foot 8 in the old) is a legitimate height for a ruckman but is not tall enough to be a professional basketball centre – his position throughout his youth.
“It would have been starting all over and investing energy, and I was drained,” Downie said.
In hindsight he also noted a trait not unusual in teenagers, but one that influenced his next decision.
“With basketball, my goals were always short term, like make the next state team,” he said.
“(The decision to change sports) fell into the same cycle – can I play AFL?”
Downie’s confidence was not misplaced – he had played for the Benalla Saints in Goulburn Valley league Under-18s and represented St Pats in football, helping them to the first of three Herald-Sun Shields as Victoria’s best school team.
He also played two games for the North Ballarat Rebels in the TAC Cup (now NAB League).
Downie took part in the 2011 AFL Draft Combine and was interviewed by a handful of clubs before being taken at pick 56 in the NAB AFL National Draft by the GWS Giants for their first AFL season.
While he felt the Giants had good intentions of supporting the huge number of teenagers who had just arrived, only so much care could be offered.
“There were 14 or so (players) who were younger and all needing nurturing and attrition, (and) to grow and develop you need lots of support,” he said.
“I hadn’t been around a senior footy club as a 17- or 18-year-old, then to be in a professional footy club was a big shock.
“That strong male culture … was an eye opener at the start.”
Worried he would be perceived as an athlete first and a footballer second, Downie started to put extra pressure on himself.
“I wanted to provide that I was worth the pick,” he said.
“That was my way of thinking, which was the wrong way.”
“I should have looked at it like – (I’ve) been selected for a reason, (I’m) here for a reason - but I was always trying to catch up in my mind and that was probably what brought me undone those years after – trying to do more and not being satisfied in my own head as to where I was at.”
Living in Sydney also brought a sense of isolation from family or friends, and Downie felt his identity as a person was tied to his job of a professional footballer.
On the field he was progressing as expected, especially given big men take longer to develop, playing 84 NEAFL games for the Giants from 2012-16 and making his AFL debut in Round 20, 2013, against Fremantle at Subiaco, going on to play seven games in 2015 and one more in 2016.
But his anxiety and depression had taken over, and during a pre-season match in 2017, he knew he could no longer continue and removed himself from the game, retiring from GWS and the AFL later that year.
But what appeared to be the end of Downie’s football journey actually became the start of his second life.
“Retiring at 23 and having mental health issues, such as anxiety and depression, was a huge learning and an eye-opening experience, and that has put me in good stead to deal with life’s other challenges,” he said.
Downie didn’t pull on the boots for two years as he worked on rediscovering himself and identifying what gave him energy.
He spent a lot of time volunteering and talking to others.
“It was more about putting myself out there, finding connections, just discovering myself as (a person) outside of an athlete,” he said.
“And trying to find a bit of joy again, enjoying the freedom of not being bound to strict protocols … of what you can and can’t do (as a footballer).”
His family was a source of constant strength.
“My parents have always been supportive of me in whatever direction I have chosen to follow,” he said.
“They’ve been there the whole way.”
Downie worked as a landscape labourer and although he stayed connected with sport through coaching, he made sure it was in a non-competitive environment.
He also studied a Bachelor of Applied Management course, which he completed in 2021, and worked to find himself again.
In 2019 he returned to football with a different focus – playing for Old Scotch in the Premier B grade of the VAFA.
“The only goal was just to have fun – I just wanted to … find my love for footy again,” he said.
His passion for competition slowly regenerated, and he had hoped to play in Premier A in 2020 before Covid-19 shut down sport and life in Victoria.
Downie was building his football experience the more traditional way, through regular football in a club environment, in a league that promotes incremental rather than sudden Improvement.
He sought out the VFL in early 2021, targeting standalone clubs to maintain his distance from an AFL environment.
Williamstown was the perfect match, and after an injury-interrupted 2021 he has settled in and brings a stabilising, mature presence to a team which is rebuilding through youth.
Downie has maintained his balance outside football as he climbs the pyramid again, through supporting the Youth Projects charity helping young people.
“(I help) with the discovery phase of their life (and helping them) navigate through that time,” he said.
“They’re a pretty amazing organisation (and they have provided) a safe work environment where I could be myself.”
Downie’s giving back has also taken him home – he nominated Benalla Saints as his home club this year when they were in danger of folding and returned to play a recent game during a Seagulls bye, helping them to their first win of the season.
Back at Point Gellibrand, he has been one of Williamstown’s strongest performers in 2022 – so much there was some interest from Hawthorn before the recent NAB AFL Mid-Season Rookie Draft.
“There is definitely the drive to play at the highest level available to me,” he said.
Downie now has a better understanding of the value he plays in the lives of others and his legacy won’t be defined by his football ability.
“(It) is like having a second chance at things … having that life experience of what it was like (at the Giants) has given me a real confidence of how to approach my footy and helped my relationship to it,” he said.
In the meantime, he is focused on returning Williamstown to their rightful place among the upper echelon of the VFL.
“(Success in 2022) is learning and developing as a group and staying together,” he said.
“It’s … about the younger guys becoming one group and building something for the future.”
“It won’t be long before we’re rising up the ladder again.”
As for advice for young athletes who think of their future only in sporting terms?
“Listen to your gut, have balance in what you do, and don’t be invested in one thing only,” he said.
TOM DOWNIE
North Ballarat Rebels 2011 - 2 matches, 0 goals
GWS Giants NEAFL 2012-16 - 84 matches, 68 goals
Williamstown VFL 2021-22 - 15 matches, 5 goals
Total NEAFL/VFL - 99 matches, 73 goals