TOM BOYD would go through it all again. The scrutiny and the pressure for the glory. The sleepless nights and the mental health challenges. All the ups and downs of an AFL career that accrued the ultimate prize.

Boyd was one of the most scrutinised players in the game after accepting a $7 million, seven-year deal as a teenager to move from Greater Western Sydney to the Western Bulldogs. 

The now 27-year-old shocked the football world when he retired at the age of 23, leaving millions on the table.  

Boyd appeared like he had everything anyone could ever want. He was selected with pick No.1 in the 2013 NAB AFL Draft, before playing a pivotal role in ending the Dogs' 62-year premiership drought in 2016. 

But perception wasn't reality. Boyd has battled inner turmoil from the moment he arrived at the Giants, and it never went away, not even after he dominated on Grand Final day.

"100 per cent I would (do it all again). I think the perspective that a lot of people have of my recollection of my career is it was all negative. That's certainly not the case," Boyd told AFL.com.au this week following the release of his memoir Nowhere to Hide.

"The things that we categorise as life goals or the things that we can really be happy about, I had it all. I had the money, had the fame, had the on-field success – at least around 2016 – and I had the notoriety. I even had the family at home and I had the support network. I literally had everything you would want if you were writing up a life plan. 

"But on the flipside, I also had an enormous amount of insecurity and stress and of course the mental health challenges I had throughout my career. I think that really is the essence of what the book is trying to get at, which is we tell ourselves as people that we are unique – and we are. 

"But the problem with thinking you're unique is thinking that no one is going to be able to understand you, or at least that's the way I put it into my mind. I am so unique based on x, y, and z, so how can anyone possibly understand what I’m going through? 

"The completely non-unique part of being human is we all struggle with different things in our lives. That struggle and triumph, the things that are good and the things that are bad, is relatively consistent across the board when it comes to people and how they emotionally experience life. I would go through it again and I would do it 100 times over."

High draft picks are routinely tempted by the lure of more money and the opportunity to live at home. Adam Cerra was enticed back to Melbourne last year. Izak Rankine has just submitted a trade request back to South Australia. They were taken inside the first five picks, like Boyd, and are just two of a litany of examples of top-end talent taking matters into their own hands. 

Boyd believes players – especially top-end talent – should have the right to make decisions that will set them up for life, even if he knows that was part of the reason people were so affronted by his move to the Whitten Oval. 

"I think the element of my deal that really irked people with my deal was the million-dollar a year tag is an echelon of deals that says this is the big thing, think 'Dusty' (Dustin Martin) or 'Buddy' (Lance Frankiin) and the money they're on," Boyd said. 

"The thing that my deal represented that really irked people was my deal represented the first deal that went against the football loyalists of the world. Forever and a day, you basically get told that you should be loyal to the football club that drafted you, which to a degree I think is important. 

"But what that fails to recognise, particularly if you go at the pointy end of the draft, there's 18 clubs that would select you. For me to get to the best outcome, I had to force my way out of the Giants to get to the Bulldogs. That probably represented the first of quite a few that have happened since where players are held to ransom to the weight of public perception. 

"I'll never complain about players of whatever age going and securing the money that they want. I did. If you have the opportunity to change your life for the better, then that for me is a no-brainer."

By the time Boyd announced his decision to depart the AFL in May 2019, his mental health challenges were well documented. He had spent time away from the club dealing with clinical depression, panic attacks, anxiety and insomnia among other issues. 

But it was more than that. Boyd simply didn't want to endure a vocation he didn't enjoy any longer. He had put up and shut up for years, but he couldn't do it any longer, walking away from the game and negotiating a termination of his lucrative contract. 

"Probably the most miscategorised part of my journey is my retirement. I think in part it was the way it was messaged. It's just easier and more efficient if you bundle everything into the one bucket. But if you actually read my statement in my retirement, there are a number of things in there and there is one line that says 'making a decision for the long-term health of physical and mental wellbeing'. That's what everyone ran with. He's retiring because of his mental challenges," he said. 

"But realistically, by the time I got to the end, I wasn't in love with playing footy anymore and I hadn't been for a few years. When I was doing the mental calculus of will I stay or go? I looked at the situation very pragmatically and thought I am taking the salary of three or four players. That was essentially the math. Four guys can't live out their dream if I'm here. That's fine if I'm committed and want to see the long term success of my own career. I didn't want that anymore. 

"To walk away was the only authentic thing I could do. To walk away and leave the money was really important to me. I think a lot of players stay and hang on just for the money. I didn't want to leave with bad relationships."

When Melbourne went into lockdown in 2020, Boyd spent much of that winter putting pen to paper. The words poured out of him. He wrote 80,000 of them before taking the manuscript to a publisher and sitting down with an editor. 

After a long process, Nowhere to Hide was published last month, detailing Boyd's rise through the ranks to the No.1 pick, documenting a career that reached great heights but also dealt with personal despair along the way. 

Boyd is now a mental health advocate and keynote speaker, leaving his mark on suburban sporting clubs around the state, progressing conversations to help remove the stigma attached to these issues.