THE 2022 Continental Tyres AFL Trade Period may be over but Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors has still got plenty to say.
So put your seatbelt on and enjoy the ride as Damo takes off the gloves and takes aim at your team.
So what is he saying about your club? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below.
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IF ...
there is a player I feel sorry for after the trade period ...
THEN ...
it is Matt Crouch. Clearly not wanted by the Crows in 2022, but unable to find a new home for 2023. Hope he can somehow return to the much-required performance values of 2017, when he was a best and fairest winner in a Grand Final season.
IF ..
Chris Fagan in the next fortnight officially seeks to lift his own 'stand down' edict due to the Hawthorn racism issue ...
THEN ...
I won't be surprised. I know he, and people around him, wants to do that.
IF ...
the 2022 trade period was quiet for the Blues ...
THEN ...
that's OK. Everything is in place. In the forward line, two superstar keys. In the midfield, a Brownlow medallist as well as a budding one. In the backline, an established still-young gun. Just need to actually make the finals now, which hasn't been done on their own merits since 2011.
IF ...
you think about it deeply and analytically ...
THEN ...
the recruitment of ball-magnet Tom Mitchell, a Brownlow Medal winner (2018) and runner-up (2017) and three-time Hawk best and fairest winner, to this clearance-deficient team is one of the shrewdest recruiting decisions ever made. And made a whole lot easier by his old club not wanting to actually tap in to his skillset, as well as almost certainly paying part, and quite possibly a fair chunk, of his 2023 wage.
IF ...
David Barham has been on the Essendon board since 2015 and needed an external recommendation to tell him he needed to appoint a 'general manager of performance' and a 'head of development … a critical role that requires a laser-like focus' ...
THEN ...
full marks for the 'laser-like focus' line in a rambling letter to members. But I have absolutely no idea what he has been doing for the past seven years on that board. Apart from the Brad Scott appointment, there's somehow more meaningless noise and utter mess than ever before at Tullamarine.
IF ...
I genuinely love most things about the Dockers' latest wave of a pursuit of success ...
THEN ...
there's still one facet with huge question marks - public statements before a trade period starts. In 2018, it was Belly's "feather in my cap" if Lachie Neale was to stay, and in 2022, it was David Walls' "we've got every intention of keeping Rory (Lobb)". Maybe just call as it is, guys. Lachie and Lobb were never staying, and every single person in the industry knew it.
IF ...
the best player on Grand Final day gets the Norm Smith Medal ...
THEN ...
the best 'player' in trade period should get the Greg Miller gong. (Greg Miller being the recruiting genius who landed Wayne Carey and John Longmire in the one deal, along with countless other history-shaping trades). The Cats' Isaac Smith won the '22 Norm Smith Medal, Andrew Mackie surely the Greg Miller medallist.
IF ...
the Suns keep telling us they are finally and belatedly on the right track for success ...
THEN ...
I'm still requiring a whole lot more evidence. Have never won more than 10 games in a season, and lost Rankine, Bowes and draft pick No.7 in the 2022 trade period.
IF ...
Jason McCartney wants to publicly bang on about a 'go home' fear factor in players before they're even recruited ...
THEN ...
that is an embarrassing cop-out. Like North Melbourne, maybe turn the mirror on all aspects of your own operations, and realise there are many flaws in your own operations. And specifically to this club, the multiple silly and financially crippling long-term deals you have given to way too many players.
IF ...
the latest parts of the now near-complete cleansing of all things Clarko have seen Tom Mitchell and Jaeger O'Meara brutally erased from Hawks' operations ...
THEN ...
that's Sam Mitchell's right. But there are people with feelings involved in these outcomes. Clearly Sam Mitchell, while wanting to remove Clarko from the Hawks' future, has either knowingly or unwittingly embraced the Clarko ruthlessness in seeking to shape that path. There are other ways to pursue the ultimate success. And right now, this also looks like my version of tanking. (And yes, I know everyone has a different definition for it).
IF ...
there is one aspect of the 2023 season about which I am already obsessed ...
THEN ...
it is the Maxxy Gawn-Brodie Grundy ruck partnership. It may be the greatest ever big-man combo in the history of the game. Madden-Salmon in the late '80s and early '90s, Cox-Naitanui 2012 (both All-Australians that year) areas.
IF ...
this club is happy to tell the world it found Jason Horne-Francis to be an immature know-it-all who regularly refused guidance ...
THEN ...
surely it also has been conducting a series of detailed internal reviews as to how it was embarrassingly unable to present a workplace where he couldn't leave fast enough after just one season. There's always two sides to every story.
IF ...
the 2022 season was a complete mess for the first pick in the 2021 national draft ...
THEN ...
surely 2023 will be far more successful for Jason Horne-Francis. Port Adelaide certainly appears to be far better equipped to make him a) fit in, b) the best he can be and, arguably most importantly, c) realise he doesn’t have to try to win every single game off his own input.
IF ...
Jacob Hopper was given a seven-season deal to come to the Tigers ...
THEN ...
I can only wonder what Jack Graham truly thinks of that. Very similar exposed form.
IF ...
anyone comes across a Saints official this week ...
THEN ...
can you tell ‘em the trade period started a couple of Mondays ago, and that it actually finished on Wednesday. And maybe make sure they don't also forget that the national draft is scheduled for November 28.
IF ...
just above I was critical of the Saints of doing effectively nothing in the trade period ...
THEN ...
I'm not critical of the Swans' relative inactivity (Aaron Francis was added). This club prematurely reached a Grand Final in 2022, and while belted in that game, it happens to boast the very best collective bunch of 'kids' in the entire comp by a long way.
IF ...
I have been genuinely shocked by this club's questionable attitude across all facets of operations in the past few seasons ...
THEN ...
I balance that with the knowledge of history that proves it is never down for too long. And while many have questioned the impact of the Jayden Hunt acquisition, I certainly haven't – I reckon he will be very good in 2023.
IF ...
the most recent best and fairest winner (Josh Dunkley) was desperate to exit long before he actually did and a previous winner (Lachie Hunter) also departed, under contract, in this trade period ...
THEN ...
that doesn't say much for culture. Would love for Dunkley to be fully open publicly in explaining his desire to twice escape in 24 months.
AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL
IF ...
the next head of footy at the AFL will immediately have a dozen high-priority tasks to tackle ...
THEN ...
the issue of the already successful teams aggressively positioning to become more successful via action in the player exchange period should be high on that list. This wasn't meant to be. But too-careful rules, glaring loopholes and the forever present mismanagement of poorly run clubs is now regularly combining to present manna from heaven for the well-organised, already premiership-winning teams.