THIS IS a true story.
Shaun Burgoyne moved into a new home not long ago, and had a couch delivered and located in the part of the house where it was thought it best belonged.
Only he then changed his mind. The couch needed to be moved elsewhere.
Given Burgoyne is an individual who, according to teammate Jarryd Roughead, "knows how to preserve his energy", his next move was to call Hawthorn's high-performance manager, Andrew Russell, who takes up the story.
"He wanted to know whether he was allowed to lift the couch and move it," Russell recalls.
"I told him that of course he was. He thanked me and hung up the phone. Then he got (wife) Amy and a friend to do it."
Upon hearing that, you might think Burgoyne is lazy or perhaps entitled. Former teammate Luke Hodge nodded with familiarity when the story was recounted to him last week. "He is lazy," he said with a laugh.
But the real story is that Burgoyne is obsessive about everything he does when it comes to his body and his football. How will the simple act of moving a couch hinder him in his quest to be the best player he can be and, more to the point, prepare to be the best player he can?
"That's the level he goes to," Russell continued.
Burgoyne will play his 350th AFL game on Saturday night against Adelaide at the MCG. It is an unbelievable achievement for any player to reach, let alone one who hobbled into the media conference on crutches when he was unveiled as a Hawk at the end of 2009, after 157 games over eight years with Port Adelaide.
Few imagined Burgoyne would still be playing for the Hawks after joining them in 2009. Picture: AFL Photos
Burgoyne and the Hawks hoped to have three years together, by the end of which they might pinch a flag. Instead, he is midway through his ninth year at Waverley, needs eight more games to play 200 for Hawthorn, and is tracking towards earning another one-year deal to play again in 2019. And he has played in three Hawthorn premierships.
Burgoyne the Hawk was going to be a different player to the Port Adelaide model. There he was a midfield beast, but also lightning quick. Said Hodge, who has bad memories of chasing him all around the MCG: "At Port, it was so hard to limit his pace, bursts and clearances."
Things changed in 2009 when he missed a chunk of footy because of a PCL injury. By the time the trade to the Hawks came about he was suffering from what is called secondary chondral damage, a holdover from the PCL damage.
There were various reasons why Burgoyne made the switch, but linking up once again with Russell, who he had worked with at Port Adelaide, was a key factor. Russell had followed new senior coach Alastair Clarkson to Hawthorn at the end of 2004 to become his fitness coach.
Shaun and Peter Burgoyne achieved success together with Port Adelaide in 2004. Picture: AFL Photos
"Andrew had looked after and prepared Shaun for a few years," explained Mark Williams, Port's 2004 premiership coach. "He had been very instrumental in bringing him back after he suffered from osteitis pubis when he first started. He had some insight into him from the early days."
Russell had already done some outstanding work at Hawthorn, most notably getting Shane Crawford to the finish line in 2008 with a premiership medallion in his pocket when his knee was just about shot.
Burgoyne was his next 'project', and his first job was to get him to lose 5kg in order to take the stress off his knee. And he knew Burgoyne would be a willing patient because of his "attention to detail in his preparation and all aspects of his life. He is meticulous with his diet, recovery and the intensity he trains at".
The Hawks took things slowly when Burgoyne first came to the club. He missed the start of the 2010 season as his knee recovered and then broke his jaw in his comeback game in the VFL, which sidelined him for another three weeks. Some might remember that in his debut game for Hawthorn, in round seven, he wore protective head gear.
"There was no pressure. It was a three-year project, we weren't going to break the rules and we were always going to take as long as it needed," Russell said.
Once Burgoyne did get going, he became the most durable player at the club. He missed just five games between 2011 and 2013, then played every game for the next four seasons. His incredible 107-game consecutive streak only came to an end in round three this year following a hamstring strain he said was one of the very few soft-tissue injuries he has suffered his entire career.
"Without any doubt, Andrew Russell has had the most dramatic impact on him," said Williams. "He oversees not just his fitness, but he's a mentor in regard to his lifestyle as well."
Burgoyne has forged a huge reputation for his meticulous preparation. Not lifting the couch is only part of the story.
"When it comes to football, he doesn't overload himself," Russell said.
According to Roughead, Burgoyne is the notable absentee during those down times at the club when there is a rush to play indoor cricket or perhaps to shoot some hoops.
"He's the one in the corner doing nothing. He was born to play footy, and I'm not sure he can even play any other sport," the Hawk skipper said.
Burgoyne's single-mindedness when it comes to his football was never more evident than at the end of 2012. Russell revealed that Burgoyne suffered a syndesmosis injury in the preliminary final, and played with what was normally a six-to-eight-week injury in the losing Grand Final against Sydney the following week.
Burgoyne played under duress in Hawthorn's 2012 Grand Final loss to Sydney. Picture: AFL Photos
He then had surgery and took about five months to recover. But it is what happened during the recovery that confounds the Hawks to this day. He couldn't leave his couch for the first two weeks post-surgery and could not exercise at all for a month.
But Russell said Burgoyne asked for no free kicks when it came to the condition he returned to training in. "He was religious when it came to what he ate. His normal skinfolds when he plays is around 45-46. He came back from his rehab at 50. It meant that despite not being able to train, he put on virtually no body fat. He just knew what was required."
That fanatical approach hasn't changed since.
"He recovers the same as he did eight years ago. His speed and power are the same as eight years ago. I haven't seen any drop off," Russell said.
"When a player has a serious injury, there can be questions, but they come back with a greater respect of the human body and mind and respect for the people who are helping them achieve their dreams."
Part of it is that Burgoyne knows what works and sticks to it. "As you get older, a change is really good, and normally older guys love to change their routine," observed Hodge.
"But not Shaun. If we trained at MSAC or somewhere different, he hated it. He loves repetition and consistency and he hates taking a game off."
That much was made clear during a recent interview with Burgoyne when a journalist suggested to him that at age 35, why not take a week off just to freshen up? The amiable Burgoyne wasn't curt with his response, but also could not have been emphatic. "If I'm fit to play, I play," he said.
He is a physical freak. After straining his hamstring against Geelong in round two, the Hawks kept him out for the mandatory three weeks. Russell said he could easily have played after two.
"He has great belief in us and we in him. And there's real trust as well," Russell said.
With age comes wisdom. His training load has been the same for years – between 72 and 77 per cent of the full schedule every week of every year. Hodge jokes it's the "old farts" program, but adds: "People laugh at that, but the fact is he doesn't miss games and that's why he's been able to do it for so long."
A fortnight ago against Port Adelaide, Burgoyne was among Hawthorn's best with 26 possessions and a goal, and earned nine votes in the AFL Coaches Association Award. And with that performance, discussion about whether he should play on again next season began to heat up. For his part, Burgoyne is adopting a softly, softly approach, wanting to wait until later in the season before making a commitment.
But if the decision had to be made now?
"He is physically tracking to play next year," Russell said. "Things can change but we haven't seen any drop-off in his physical capacities. Most players' minds soften, and then the body follows. It's about creating or maintaining the motivation but as long as he maintains the mental side then physically, he can play."
Burgoyne's form and fitness means the end could still be far away. Picture: AFL Photos
What Burgoyne has earned is the right to make his own call on his future, as vice-captain Isaac Smith said. "If he keeps playing the way he's playing, he'll probably play for another five years. He's a bit like Jesus. He carks it and then he resurrects himself again."
"For him to last this long is a wonderful achievement from Shaun," added Williams. "You can take them to the water, but they have to be willing to drink. He understands what it takes to be elite."
There is some incentive for Burgoyne to push on. Footy honours have been coming his way for years – four flags, All Australian selection, International Rules captaincy, but the next couple would be particularly significant.
The Hawks have yet to have a 200-game indigenous player, and he and Cyril Rioli have been in a neck-and-neck race to get there. Burgoyne is now on 192 games and if he plays every game from here will get there against Essendon in round 20. Rioli was on track for round 23 before his sudden return to Darwin for personal reasons earlier this week.
"It would be pretty nice to see them get to 200," Roughead said. "We've had some super indigenous players at the club, and Shaun really should be considered among the all-time greats."
If he plays next year he would also likely pass Adam Goodes, who with 372 games holds the League record for games played by an indigenous player.
For all that greatness, he has never really held any formal leadership positions at the Hawks, although the club's indigenous players gravitate towards and just adore him.
The leadership is informal, but it is there. "When he speaks, you listen," Roughead said.
He remains one of the great "break glass in case of emergency" types, able to play in just about any position on the ground. Just as he appeared to be settling into a backline leadership role in Hodge's absence this year, a look at his heat map from the game against Port Adelaide a fortnight ago indicates he played much more in the forward line.
It will be a special time at the MCG on Saturday night. Burgoyne's hamstring injury was a rarity, but also a blessing because it meant the milestone falls on a Hawthorn home game at the MCG. His 300th game back in 2016, co-incidentally, also came against the Crows at the MCG.
Not even a rough conduct report against Port, for which he received a fine, was going to derail the occasion. It comes as the Hawthorn family comes together for a weekend of festivities to celebrate reunions of the 1978, 1988 and 2008 premiership teams.
"It's going to be huge," Roughead said. "It will be the first time any of us have been in a game where someone plays their 350th, so it will be special."
This piece originally appeared in the AFL Record, available for $5 at all grounds.