IT'S BACK ... Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors has returned for 2023 and no one and NO CLUB is safe.

So put your seatbelt on, strap yourselves in and enjoy the ride as Damo takes off the gloves and takes aim at your team.

So what is he saying about your club? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below.

>> CLICK HERE TO READ MORE BARRETT 

IF ...

Darcy Fogarty was pick 12 in the 2017 national draft and first played in 2018 ...

THEN ...

he’s been a slow burn to this stage. But from round 11 last year, we witnessed a special talent, 31 goals from the last 12 games, including three bags of four and three of three. Poised to officially announce himself to the competition in 2023.

IF ..

Lachie Neale has now placed first, second and third in three of the past four Brownlow Medals as a Lion, as well a top-10 finish as a Docker ...

THEN ...

that’s an extraordinary feat. With 156 career votes, of current players only Boak (174), Bud (186), Fyfe (187), Dusty (204), Pendles (215) and Danger (236) boast more.

IF ...

Charlie Curnow emerged from 2022 as a Coleman Medallist, a genuine footy rock star and the biggest source of hope the Blues have had since Chris Judd ...

THEN ...

at least some of the positives were tempered in the final two rounds. 1.4 in round 22 v Melbourne, 2.5 (as well as a couple of shots that missed everything) in round 23 v Collingwood, where both games were lost by a kick and the finals were missed by 0.55 per cent.

IF ...

you add his 2018 finals series performances to his 2022 finals series offerings ...

THEN ...

no matter what preconceived views you may have on Jordan De Goey, he deserves prominence in any conversation about the AFL’s best big-game performers.

IF ...

Kevin Sheedy defied all odds in surviving as Essendon coach for 27 years ...

THEN ...

it's even more incredible that he's still standing as a Bombers director after he went rogue on several fronts last year. Voted to roll the former president Paul Brasher in a David Barham-led boardroom coup, then embarrassed Barham as well as the new coach Brad Scott when he went public that he wanted James Hird as coach, after Scott had been announced. Staggering that the tough-talking Barham has tolerated this.

IF ...

2022 was the season Hayden Young came of age ...

THEN ...

2023 is poised to be the one where he announces himself as a star.

IF ...

Isaac Smith's 32 disposals and three goals in last year's Grand Final was officially worthy of the Norm Smith Medal ...

THEN ...

no complaints. But wow, was Paddy Dangerfield brilliant, too. If you get the chance to watch a replay, pay attention to No.35. He was simply sublime.

IF ...

Ben King managed 89 goals from 53 matches in a team which won just 15 times in his first three seasons ...

THEN ...

we’re dealing with ultra-elite talent. It will be an emotional return from a knee reco on Saturday week.

RETURN OF THE KING Tears, family fears and the long road back

IF ...

Tom Green this season can sustain the type of form he displayed in the first half of 2022 ...

THEN ...

he will be involved in All-Australian selection discussions. As important as any player on this list.

MEET TOM GREEN Giant chats his future, footy and Dua Lipa

IF ...

there are going to be problems on field throughout the 2023 season given the scythe Sam Mitchell took to the list ...

THEN ...

it's going to be equally tough off-field, with 17 football clubs still seething at the Hawks over their handling of their probe into racism at the club. No one is questioning the inquiry's intent, but seemingly everyone is angrily questioning its actual execution.

IF ...

it becomes Gawndy or Grawndy or even Grawn ...

THEN ...

it’s actually not going to matter for Demons fans, provided six-time All-Australian Maxxy Gawn and two-time All-Australian Brodie Grundy lead the Dees back to a Grand Final.

IF ...

the Roos have won just nine matches in the past three seasons ...

THEN ...

even a coaching combination of Clarko, Jock McHale, Norm Smith, Ron Barassi and Leigh Matthews would struggle to lift this team out of the lower reaches of the ladder this year.

IF ...

Horne-Francis to Rozee, Boak, Wines, Butters and Houston in the midfield ...

THEN ...

it’s finals here we come. Tipping Horne-Francis to go All-Australian.

IF ...

I embarrassed myself in declaring the Tigers were no chance of winning the 2019 premiership the day after Alex Rance broke down in round one ...

THEN ...

here we go again. They’re not winning the 2023 flag. Not even confident they’ll make the eight.

IF ...

you haven't yet come across the inadvertently leaked audio of Ross The Boss in the Saints' coaches' box last weekend ...

THEN ...

here's a little sample. There's something about a quite-brilliant Shane and a reference to cobblers. There's an embracing of the concept that failure is feedback. His house is clearly getting re-wired, re-stumped and re-plumbed. That day's lunch seemed to be shared with SOS, with a barramundi bowl from Carlton on the menu. One player got the thumbs-up emoji. Another player was being supported while at the same time having his behaviour challenged. And every 90 seconds there was a statement of unconditional love for Leeennnnny.

IF ...

you thought my obsession with the talents of Chad Warner had reached a peak in 2022 ...

THEN ...

I'm merely getting started. Will win the Brownlow this year, and one or two more after that.

IF ...

this club is to redeem itself after an embarrassing 2022 season marred by questionable attitudes and a lack of commitment (Barrass and Hurn excluded) ...

THEN ...

it doesn’t need to make finals. But it does need to ensure that every player, and coach, has an unconditional crack every single week.

IF ...

I absolutely love the boldness of trying to cram Naughton, Lobb, Ugle-Hagan and Darcy into the one forward line ...

THEN ...

I can't see it working every week. And I've still got big doubts about the backline, even with the addition of Jones. And then there's Dunkley’s exit … he leaves a massive hole.

AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL

IF ...

Cotchin, De Goey and Preuss were all given the all-clear to play in round one after questionable incidents in last week's practice match hitouts ...

THEN ...

here we go, yet again, with mixed messaging from the Match Review Office.