IT'S BACK ... Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors has returned for 2023 and no one and NO CLUB is safe.

So put your seatbelt on, strap yourselves in and enjoy the ride as Damo takes off the gloves and takes aim at your team.

So what is he saying about your club? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below.

>> CLICK HERE TO READ MORE BARRETT 

IF ...

Rankine and Rachele sounds like a law firm or real estate agency ...

THEN ...

the combo might also be the reason the Crows surge up the ladder this season.

IF ..

Dunkley, Gunston and Ashcroft have seemingly absorbed all the splash headlines about new Lions for 2023 ...

THEN ...

the sub-headings containing Conor McKenna may be just as significant. If he can get back to his best, will be very damaging for this team off half-back.

IF ...

Harry McKay won a Coleman Medal in 2021 ...

THEN ...

he shouldn’t be missing those two set shots in the third quarter, nor falling over in the final minute. Thursday night’s missed Blues’ opportunity clearly wasn’t entirely on him, as he was more than OK other than those moments. But this club has now found extraordinary ways to not win its past three matches – and five in total - two which cost it a place in last year’s finals.

IF ...

there are soooooo many reasons to love Craig McRae’s approach to coaching ...

THEN ...

here’s my No.1 reason, via his own words: “We want to be fun to watch. We don’t want to be boring.” Amen.

IF ...

Brad Scott thought his previous club was a rabble, and it most certainly was when he exited it in 2019 ...

THEN ...

his new one said: hold our beer. The Bombers’ new president knifed the old one before humiliating the contracted coach and then sacking him too. He appointed a CEO who didn’t last a day in the job, and has embarrassingly baulked at removing another director, Kevin Sheedy - despite that director breaking the most basic of boardroom principles and going public with private information, specifically that he personally wanted James Hird and not Scott as coach. And now he’s overseeing an organisation where the football boss, Josh Mahoney, and list boss, Adrian Dodoro, can’t even bring themselves to talk to each other. Good luck, Brad. You’ve got an ordinary list, a dysfunctional administration and a broken board.

IF ...

many are downplaying the Dockers’ chances in 2023 ...

THEN ...

I’m not. I love what they did last year, particularly in grinding out an elimination final win after a six-goal deficit. Tracking beautifully under Justin Longmuir. Under his three-season watch, it has been seven, 10, 16 (including the final) wins. More than capable of a top-four finish.

IF ...

the Cats in late February said of Jack Henry’s foot injury: “Jack will be sidelined for the medium term” ...

THEN ...

some of the info filtering up the highway in the past week is of concern. Really hoping this doesn’t become “long term”.

IF ...

the constant talk out of this club is belatedly backed up by the walk ...

THEN ...

finals will beckon. But it’s long overdue that actions – translation: WINS, NOT GALLANT LOSSES –  become the dominant storyline.

IF ...

Toby Greene hadn’t been suspended for the first five matches of last year ...

THEN ...

he would’ve been outright captain in 2022. This is HIS team now. Standalone skipper. Very keen to see how the Giants look under his watch.

IF ...

Mitch Lewis won’t be available for at least the first five rounds ...

THEN ...

apart from Luke Breust I have no idea who is actually going to kick multiple goals for the Hawks.

IF ...

much of the Demons’ off-season unfolded favourably ...

THEN ...

there have been some unfortunate late setbacks. May, Viney, Fritsch, Salem all unavailable for round one. May a massive absence against one of the tallest forward lines in history.

IF ...

Ben McKay will be missing a chunk of early season matches with a foot injury ...

THEN ...

he’ll have plenty time to ponder his post-2023 future. Blues very interested in him, so too the Power. Now in his seventh season as a Roo, and has played in just seven wins.

IF ...

a round one win carries no more premiership points than subsequent matches ...

THEN ...

that’s fact. But for THIS round one match against Brisbane at THIS venue (Adelaide Oval) in THIS season for THIS club and THIS coach, it may just be worth two or three wins. Momentum has always been everything for Kenny, and he’s going to need it throughout 2023.

IF ...

IF Tom Lynch’s last kick of the 2022 season may well have been a goal (in the elimination final at the Gabba against Brisbane, which was adjudicated a behind) ...

THEN ...

his last kick of round one this year definitely was! And what a clutch moment in an already magnificent career.

IF ...

Malcolm Blight once famously urged Saints supporters to buckle up for the ride of their lives ...

THEN ...

for a number of reasons that bus never left the depot. With Ross The Boss now in that driving seat, and more particularly with the ever-mysterious duo of Graeme Allan and Stephen Silvagni overseeing those who get to sit on the team bus, seat belts will definitely be required for this drive.

IF ...

big Peter Ladhams can keep his emotions, elbows, wayward limbs and composure all under control ...

THEN ...

he will be a very important player for the Swans this year.

IF ...

Charlie Curnow missed two years of football and was able to explode back in 2022 and win a Coleman Medal ...

THEN ...

here’s hoping Oscar Allen can make similarly startling impact in 2023. Hasn’t played since 2021, a serious foot problem threatening his career. Prodigiously talented.

IF ...

it’s going to be a land of the giants in the forward line ...

THEN ...

there is still a desperate need for smart, shorter players in that territory. Cody Weightman’s indefinite absence through an adductor strain is a significant concern for the Dogs.

AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL

IF ...

Swans CEO Tom Harley is overlooked as new AFL CEO ...

THEN ...

he may be interested in becoming AFL football operations boss.