IT'S BACK ... Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors has returned for 2023 and no one and NO CLUB is safe.
So put your seatbelt on, strap yourselves in and enjoy the ride as Damo takes off the gloves and takes aim at your team.
So what is he saying about your club? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below.
>> CLICK HERE TO READ MORE BARRETT
IF ...
the Crows had every right to use the convoluted AFL judiciary system to try to get Shane McAdam off his ridiculous shoulder charge on Jacob Wehr ...
THEN ...
they also wasted their and everyone else's time. Lucky he didn't get four weeks.
IF ..
the Lions don't think the Demons are viewing Friday night's Gabba match as a grudge game ...
THEN ...
they'd better think again. It most certainly is. They'd better be ready for it.
IF ...
the Blues again had more than a few nervous moments in the final minutes ...
THEN ...
they nevertheless stood tall when it mattered. Finally won a close one, after throwing away the previous three – the last two of '22 (which cost a finals berth) and the first of '23 (a draw against Richmond). And Curnow – in my eyes, the most mesmerising player in the comp.
IF ...
Scott Pendlebury played in the 1960s or '70s ...
THEN ...
he would've almost certainly been given a crack as a playing coach, like Barassi, Whitten, Skilton, Nicholls, Murray, Jesaulenko, Tuddenham. Supreme football brain who in his 18th season and with 359 matches behind him remains as impactful, important and composed as ever.
IF ...
Archie Perkins ends the year as the Bombers' best player ...
THEN ...
I won't be surprised. There's an X-factor to this guy.
IF ...
Justin Longmuir really wants the Fyfe As A Forward debate to disappear or at least dissipate ...
THEN ...
a bag of six from the all-time great, two-time Brownlow Medal-winning superstar against North Melbourne on Saturday night would assist that cause.
IF ...
a 0-2 scoreline would normally be ultra-worrying ...
THEN ...
it isn't for the Cats. Nothing to be concerned about for the reigning premier. Yet. Injuries in the backline have cruelled them. Gold Coast, Hawthorn, West Coast up next.
IF ...
Jarrod Witts has already secured a Suns' best and fairest (2019) ...
THEN ...
he couldn't have started any better to add another club champion award with his round one performance against Sydney. Needs a lot of others to join him on an uncompromising attitude on game day.
IF ...
the round one win was one of the very good ones for this club in its 11-year AFL life ...
THEN ...
giving the No.1 pick from last year's draft, Aaron Cadman, his first AFL game in round two would also be memorable. No point naming him in the squad if you're not going to make him part of the starting line-up.
IF ...
Hawthorn keeps telling us it is in the business of winning premierships ...
THEN ...
given its strategic list cull of last year it is not in the business of wanting to win a lot of matches in 2023. Poor Karl Amon. Agreed to become a Hawk as a free agent before the club offloaded all hope for this season.
IF ...
Glen Bartlett wants to keep going public with his version of past events ...
THEN ...
that's his right. But as is the case with so many matters in football, other people have different versions of the same events. And I do wonder what he sees the end-game as being.
IF ...
Griffin Logue's best season of six in the AFL system was last year as a Docker ...
THEN ...
in his seventh season, at a second club, he looms as a key part of the Roos' plans. Was a top 10 draft pick in 2016, and clearly reads the play very well.
IF ...
Fly McRae was taunting Kenny with his, "If I'm the opposition I would tag Nick (Daicos)" ...
THEN ...
Kenny might want to use an open mic somewhere in the next 24 hours and say, "If I'm the opposition I would tag Jason (Horne-Francis)".
IF ...
the Tigers were OK in round one ...
THEN ...
I've still got doubts about their credentials in 2023. Even with Taranto and Hopper as acquisitions, I question their midfield quality.
IF ...
Ross The Boss was a poker player ...
THEN ...
he'd know that in 2023 he's playing with house money. With all the injuries, there are zero expectations. Everything's a bonus from here. Jagged a flush last week against the Dockers. Might need a full-house or even four-of-a-kind against the Bulldogs. He's got a good poker face, too.
IF ...
Buddy being suspended for round two is a negative on nearly every scale ...
THEN ...
it's a positive on at least one. Logan McDonald gets the chance to roam this Swans forward line without Bud in it. Let's see what he's got.
IF ...
since round 19 2021 the Eagles have won two matches and lost 25 (by an average 44 points) ...
THEN ...
I must be going mad in tipping them to beat the Giants this week. Absolute last chance!
IF ...
a lot of the off-season planning for the Bulldogs unravelled from late in the second quarter in round one against the Demons ...
THEN ...
on paper at least, round two presents as a sporting easy-kill against the Saints at Marvel Stadium.
AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL
IF ...
I bang on about this at least three times a season ...
THEN ...
here's the first go in 2023. The AFL needs to blow-up its systems to assess match day incidents. Appoint a full-time staff member to head the Match Review Office (no more part-timers like Michael Christian). Allow the MRO to deliver any outcome it wants, from massive fines to 20-week penalties. Then have ONE tribunal beyond that. Not two. That the MRO effectively didn't have scope to deal with the Shane McAdam incident makes the entire process messy at its outset. And the fact that two "independent" tribunals can then get to assess an incident is unnecessary, and at times counter-productive.