IT'S BACK ... Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors is in full swing for 2023 and no one and NO CLUB is safe.

So put your seatbelt on, strap yourselves in and enjoy the ride as Damo takes off the gloves and takes aim at your team.

So what is he saying about your club? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below.

>> CLICK HERE TO READ MORE BARRETT 

IF ...

Bon Jovi once adopted the "I'll Sleep When I'm Dead" mantra ...

THEN ...

big Tex should embrace the "I'll Rest When I'm Retired" one. At 33, still as important as any Crow, and his decision to be absent in Ballarat last week left a hole way too big for this still evolving and unproven club to fill.

IF ..

the 2002 and 2003 seasons ended with Brisbane-Collingwood Grand Finals ...

THEN ...

there's no reason, 10 rounds into the 2023 comp, to think it can't happen again. Respectively, second and first on the ladder. And both teams with plenty of improvement to come.

IF ...

the Tom De Koning events of the past two years are properly analysed ...

THEN ...

it's very clear. The Blues just don't rate him as highly as other clubs.

IF ...

Steele Sidebottom on Sunday becomes only the fourth Magpie to reach 300 games ...

THEN ...

that is an extraordinary, and thoroughly deserved, achievement. Ex-Texan Mason Cox reaching 100 games on the same day, contextually, is nearly as grand. Two great footy stories.

IF ...

you've never had reason to think of emerging Bomber Sam Durham and former tennis star Vitas Gerulaitis in the same moment ...

THEN ...

think again. In kicking the match-winning goal against Richmond last weekend, Durham might have been channelling Gerulaitis vibes. His goal stopped the Tigers beating the Bombers for a 14th consecutive time. In 1980, after a famous win against Jimmy Connors in New York, Gerulaitis said: "Let that be a lesson to you all, nobody beats Vitus Gerulaitis 17 times in a row!".

IF ...

Brayshaw, Serong and O'Meara haven't watched a collective 60-plus hours of video packages of Butters, Rozee and Horne-Francis last week pulling apart the effectiveness of the lauded Demons' midfielders in Oliver, Petracca and Viney ...

THEN ...

I'll be surprised. And a massive bonus that Oliver will be out injured for Saturday's match at the MCG. Can't wait to see how this unfolds.

IF ...

the Cats by the end of round 10 have already lost more matches than they did in the entirety of 2022, which saw them play in 25 matches ...

THEN ...

that's obvious cause for concern. Injuries are smashing this joint, and they won't be winning a flag from top place on the ladder this year. But if they can weather the storm, they will be just as dangerous from eighth.

IF ...

you haven't caught up with Stuey Dew's impressively defiant, well-articulated, refreshingly open and honest response to the spectre of Dimma Hardwick now hovering over his job ...

THEN ...

I'd suggest that it's worth a look. Now for Dew's players to help him out here, and belatedly convert that resolve into a whole lot more Ws.

IF ...

among the many skills of Toby Greene there is an acute sense of occasion ...

THEN ...

game No.200 for him may loom as a bad one for the Giants' opponents on Saturday, the Cats. A two-time All-Australian compiling another fine season. Always central to the biggest moments.

IF ...

yet again I began the week determined to write something positive here about the Hawks, such as Mitch Lewis' high-end talents or Conor Nash's impressive form ...

THEN ...

yet again the Hawks left me with no option but to go down a negative path. CEO Justin Reeves, halfway into a five-year contract, chooses to exit, or is exited, take your pick. Yet another big payout, too. In a period of high interest rates and exploding inflation, they're happy to burn money, the Hawks. Wouldn't be much change from a combined $1.4 million "handed" to Reeves and Clarkson to NOT work for the club in the past two years.

IF ...

Gawn and Grundy going up against Jackson and Darcy doesn't excite you ...

THEN ...

not much will. What a moment inside the 2023 home and away season. Looking forward to seeing the reception that Jackson gets from his 2021 Demon premiership mates.

IF ...

it's got the ring of a real estate firm or legal company ...

THEN ...

it also looms as the official start to a proper rebuild of a very badly broken football club. Sheezel & Wardlaw. Wardlaw & Sheezel. The order doesn't matter. The power is in the combo.

IF ...

Kochy and Kenny deviate off their 'let's wait until August to determine the future' plan ...

THEN ...

they're kidding themselves. The off-season plan is working. The unknown has created a spectacular edginess to all aspects of operations. Something very special could be unfolding. Don't tinker.

IF ...

Benny Gale, arguably more than anyone, shaped the Tigers' all-time great premiership dynasty ...

THEN ...

he's got one more important task: find the next Damien Hardwick. And the moment he's done that, he needs to head to the AFL to oversee its entire football operations. Seemingly every club is screaming for this to happen, too.

IF ...

Max King had been absent through injury since last year ...

THEN ...

his return was desperately required by the Saints last weekend. Wouldn't have beaten the Giants without his four goals.

IF ...

last year ended in a Grand Final appearance and by round 10 the following season you are requiring a member of the opposition's off-field staff to fail in realising that 76 interchanges is one more than the rules allow, in order to defeat, in the final moments, a team which had won the previous two wooden spoons ...

THEN ...

the 2023 season is just not working, in any way. Yep, a win is a win, and the season still somehow alive. But injuries and form are massive worries.

IF ...

the Eagles ...

THEN ...

nah, I've got nothing. Just like the team that played in Launceston last week, losing by 116 points to the then-18th placed team on the ladder.

IF ...

the 2016 and 2017 period was Jason Johannisen's best as a Bulldog, where respectively he won a Norm Smith Medal in a premiership year and was a best and fairest runner-up ...

THEN ...

the 2023 season had been unfolding very nicely, until last weekend when he ripped a hamstring. Hope he's back by finals.

AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL

IF ...

there's a myriad of serious issues inside the AFL system which need to be quickly resolved ...

THEN ...

the Collective Bargaining Agreement is one. It's now ridiculous that there isn't one, that 2023 is nearly halfway through and players are operating on a rolled-on deal which expired last year. That's on the players, not the AFL. So many deals are being struck which won't be able to be retrofitted.