IT'S BACK ... Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors is in full swing for 2023 and no one and NO CLUB is safe.

So put your seatbelt on, strap yourselves in and enjoy the ride as Damo takes off the gloves and takes aim at your team.

So what is he saying about your club? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below.

>> CLICK HERE TO READ MORE BARRETT 

IF ...

I have one thing only in common with Mason Cox ...

THEN ...

it’s the "four eyes" thing. And Keaysy, I love how you’ve transformed yourself at the Crows, and as humorous as it was to many thousands that you dared rip off Cox’s goggles at the MCG last Sunday, you copped your right whack with the MRO fine, fortunate to escape without suspension.

Ben Keays removes the glasses of Mason Cox during the match between Collingwood and Adelaide at the MCG on June 25, 2023. Picture: AFL Photos

IF ..

Lachie Neale has won a Brownlow, come second in a Brownlow (when he should’ve won given Patty Cripps was given favourable treatment on a suspendable act last year) and has also placed third in a Brownlow ...

THEN ...

his form in 2023 says he’s gonna be prominent, yet again. Another dominant performance on Thursday night.

BRISBANE, AUSTRALIA - JUNE 29: Lachie Neale of the Lions celebrates a goal during the 2023 AFL Round 16 match between the Brisbane Lions and the Richmond Tigers at The Gabba on June 29, 2023 in Brisbane, Australia. (Photo by Russell Freeman/AFL Photos)

IF ...

the troubles have been real and semi-disastrous in 2023 ...

THEN ...

the calmness of Brian Cook as CEO and Luke Sayers as prez have helped to quell the normally inevitable Blues mayhem in times such as these. A little win among so many losses. To this point, at least.

Brian Cook speaks to media during Carlton's season launch on February 9, 2023. Picture: AFL Photos

IF ...

the wins extraordinarily keep coming in home-and-away season matches determined by a kick ...

THEN ...

I don’t mean to be a party-pooper, but two finals matches, and a place in the Grand Final, were determined adversely last year … by a kick. Regardless, one of the most exciting teams to ever play this game.

03:55

Last two mins: Pies do it again to sink Crows

Enjoy the thrilling final minutes of Collingwood's match against Adelaide in round 15, 2023

Published on Jun 25, 2023

IF ...

Dylan Shiel is listed among the emergencies for Saturday night’s game against Port Adelaide ...

THEN ...

I’m sceptical. Late change alert.

IF ...

the good Freo turns up at Marvel Stadium on Saturday against the Bulldogs ...

THEN ...

it will win. But if the bad one turns up, well, that’s another, even ugly, story. Tipping the good one will be there.

IF ...

the Cats enter round 16 outside the top eight ...

THEN ...

make no mistake – win, lose, or draw against the Swans under Friday night lights – they can still win the ’23 flag.

IF ...

the Suns were privately owned, and they may be one day ...

THEN ...

they may acquire an owner like Al Davis, the boss of the iconic NFL franchise Raiders, whose catch-cry was very simple: “Just win, baby.” Gold Coast Suns … it is overdue time you actually win a big game, then a whole lot more. No more excuses. Beat Collingwood on Saturday, and I will be a belated believer in your own mantra about being on the right path to success.

IF ...

Harry Himmelberg hasn’t recommitted by now ...

THEN ...

it’s clearly line-ball that he will. I reckon he’s outta there come end of year. Sydney certainly hopes so.

IF ...

Sam Mitchell, upon officially deservedly accepting rightful status as a first-ballot Australian Football Hall of Famer, spoke at length of his storied football life without mentioning Alastair Clarkson, who appointed him captain in the first of an extraordinary four premiership successes ...

THEN ...

I fully respect it. The bad blood between him and Clarko might even have Ian Chappell and Ian Botham covered. For those suggesting it was poor, please. It’s OK to have friction in life. And, not taking sides in this fight, it is super-admirable to hold firm to your beliefs.

00:00

2023 Hall of Fame: Sam Mitchell

A champion midfielder in a golden Hawthorn era joins the Australian Football Hall of Fame

Published on Jun 27, 2023

IF ...

this is the fifth season in which Jesse Hogan has not been part of the Demons’ operations ...

THEN ...

even given all the problems he caused, and also the fact they won a flag without him in 2021, wouldn’t they love access to him to deal with their forward line woes right now?

Jesse Hogan celebrates a goal during a R18 clash between Melbourne and Collingwood on August 1, 2015. Picture: AFL Photos

IF ...

the beleaguered Roos have lost 12 matches in row, which follows the 20 games they lost last year and the 18 they didn’t win in 2021 and the 14 they lost (of 17) in the abridged COVID-marred season of 2020 ...

THEN ...

no idea where the next W comes, given they couldn’t even capitalise on an in-game-injury-smashed Bulldogs in round 14 before their bye. Crows at Adelaide Oval on Saturday, Cats Sunday week at the Cattery. Yes, the kids look OK, but when Clarko returns (which may be as soon as next week, in part-time capacity), the above-mentioned “just win, baby” mantra needs to become a focus.

IF ...

Junior Rioli is yet to hit anywhere near peak form in his first year as a Power player ...

THEN ...

the threat of him doing so is a massive plus for the Power. Back for Saturday night’s match against Essendon after a bout of flu. Could be the Power’s X-Factor on its travels to the Grand Final.

IF ...

I’d bought into the Richmond-could-make-finals thing ...

THEN ...

after Thursday night, I’m selling. Sometimes the ladder lies, and sometimes it doesn’t.

IF ...

the Saints' midfielders and defenders properly tried kicking the Sherrin to Max King as much as they did to Harris Andrews in round 15 ...

THEN ...

St Kilda would have won by six goals. I’m worried about the Saints. They’ll get the W in round 16 (they’ve only got the Witches Hats), but the early season magic and hope has all but disappeared.

IF ...

the mid-week training session in the lead-up to the round 15 match was 100 times more difficult than the actual game against the West Coast Witches Hats (remember, a 171-point win ensued) ...

THEN ...

the round 16 requirements are a whole new ball game. A beginning-to-wake-from-slumber Geelong. Massive ramifications for both teams.

IF ...

you’re an Eagles fan ...

THEN ...

I seriously wonder if you were comforted by the chairman’s words in his letter to you this week. “We all take a degree of responsibility for where we sit currently”. Degree? How about this word: full? Never thought I’d see this club in this horrific mess.

West Coast players look dejected after losing to North Melbourne in R1 at Marvel Stadium on March 18, 2023. Picture: AFL Photos

IF ...

seemingly everyone in footy says James O’Donnell is not yet ready for regular AFL games ...

THEN ...

Bevo, as always, will back himself and do as he pleases. O’Donnell back, after one game out, for Saturday’s match against Fremantle.

AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL

IF ...

Barry Cable was rightly removed as a legend of the Australian Football Hall Of Fame this week ...

THEN ...

next year, there’s surely space for two more. Dunstall? Carey?