IMAGINE nervously, and emotionally, standing in front of your peers begging to be treated like everyone else.
Ex-Hawthorn footballer Alex Woodward found himself in that vulnerable position as he made a third heartbreaking recovery from a knee reconstruction that eventually cost him his AFL spot.
Emboldened by the club psychiatrist's advice to speak about how he was feeling, he requested an audience with his teammates. Woodward's point was simple enough: don't shy away from the fact I'm injured, but conversations don't have to be exclusively about my right knee.
"I didn’t want to be defined by that," he told AFL.com.au. "I still wanted to be Alex, their teammate, rather than being pigeonholed into that aspect of my life."
Woodward, 24, is arguably the AFL's best-known two-game footballer, in large part owing to his torturous injury history, which, as of this year, includes a fourth knee reconstruction after another setback playing for Collingwood's VFL team.
But his incredible resilience and the belief he had – or has, because he has not given up on reigniting his AFL dream – the ability to 'make it' are what further endeared him.
Woodward is part of a hard-luck society, headlined by premiership Swan Alex Johnson, who is five knee reconstructions deep, but also including Cat Daniel Menzel (four) and former players Lee Walker (four) and David Schwarz, Max Bailey and Anthony Morabito (all three).
Brisbane Lions swingman Sam Skinner is the latest member, having suffered his third serious knee injury to age 20 on Saturday.
Fall 4 times, get back up 4 times. Surgery went well today. Thanks for all the msgs of support over the past few days. Feeling the love. pic.twitter.com/3vZ0TqjZlz
— Alex Woodward (@AlexWoodwardd) May 11, 2017
This is not a competition you want to win, or a club you want to be part of. But they have struck up close bonds through their extraordinary misfortune.
Johnson uses Menzel as his inspiration as he seeks to play a first AFL match since Sydney's 2012 Grand Final win. And both of them, as well as cancer survivor Jarryd Roughead, give Woodward hope his AFL career may not be over – even though his anguished family would prefer it be.
"It's unbelievable (what Johnson is doing), and that's the carrot for me with potentially playing again," Woodward said.
"There are players who've been through more than me, who have bounced back and are out on the field again … I don’t need to look far for inspiration. If I were to put things in perspective, me playing again is very much achievable – I just have to get my mindset and body right.
"But Alex Johnson's story is definitely one I'm continuing to follow, and I'm hoping he finishes the season well and breaks into that (senior) side."
Johnson is following Woodward's journey, too. Their friendship is one built on experiences they wish they never had, but also of an understanding most teammates will never truly appreciate.
Johnson knew of Woodward when they were both making their ascension to AFL ranks, describing the ex-Sandringham Dragon as "a champion" player. Neither of them could have envisioned the torment to come despite both reaching the pinnacle of the game.
As Woodward said: "It's not what you picture as an 18-year-old getting drafted, to go through such a horrific run of injuries."
With that in mind, the likes of Johnson, Menzel, Morabito and co. have become aware of their importance to one another.
"You try and take strength off those who have been through something similar before you," Johnson said.
"The majority of my teammates are behind me, and say they're behind me – and I know they are. But when it comes from a place of someone who's been through it before and has come out the other side, the weight and value behind that is immeasurable.
"It is a bit of a weird circle and cycle in how it goes, in terms of who people use as different inspirations. The fact Alex looks to me and can use me as a bit of an inspiration is awesome, and I'm glad I can provide that for someone."
No matter how good this AFL season has been so far. Alex Johnson returning to play footy is the best story of the year. So pumped for him
— Alex Woodward (@AlexWoodwardd) July 2, 2017
Woodward's one clean run at it, in 2014, after successive knee injuries destroyed his first two seasons, saw him break into the Hawthorn line-up for his first and only two AFL games.
The Hawks were in the middle of their flag three-peat, so matches were hard to come by and Woodward spent most of the season in the VFL. His form was so good he won the Victorian state league's highest individual honour, the J.J. Liston Trophy.
He admits there were things he still needed to work on back then, such as tidying up his disposal and increasing his aerobic capacity – a byproduct of so much time off his feet.
Woodward again bided his time at VFL level in 2015, racking up 40 possessions in one match, 30 in another and only twice sinking below 20 in 11 matches. But the second of those occasions, with an AFL recall on the horizon, was when his right knee buckled a third time in the opening minutes of a 100-point win over Coburg.
Hawthorn shuffled him from the primary to the rookie list at the end of the 2015 season. A year later, coach Alastair Clarkson had the tough discussion with him that his time was up.
"I think in terms of an exit meeting, it was probably as good as it could have gone," Woodward said. "There was mutual respect and appreciation for the five years I served there, which was great.
"I completely understood where they were coming from. The realism of it was I played a year-and-a-half of footy over five years, which isn't a great return when my job is to play football.
"I know I played only a handful of games there, but for me to represent the brown and gold for the games I did, I was really proud. My family were really thankful, too, that even though I was injured, they still stuck by me every time and gave me another opportunity."
Woodward, who resumed running three weeks ago, is yet to decide whether he will launch another comeback, but the clock is ticking on his self-imposed deadline.
He wants to make the call by the start of the 2018 pre-season, because whichever way he goes will affect the route he takes with the final stages of his rehabilitation. He will take an easier approach over a longer period if he chooses not to play seriously again.
What is exciting for Woodward is he has options. He works full-time as a mortgage broker and is enjoying being a development coach for the Magpies' VFL side. His experiences have also given him reason to believe he could offer value to an AFL club in a welfare role.
"There are a few things to weigh up, but the one thing I still have on my side is I just turned 24, so I feel like giving the game away at this age still leaves a lot to be desired," Woodward said.
"I suppose the hard thing is just to control those emotions of wanting to get out there again, because there will be times I'll be itching to play. I feel I can contribute best on-field rather than off-field, but will I play again? It's still very much up in the air."
Follow Alex Woodward's journey at his new personal website, www.more4titude.com
ALEX WOODWARD ON…
His Twitter post after his fourth major knee injury
"It was probably an influx of emotions. Initially, I was thinking about my wellbeing, but then also everyone with me along the ride. Behind the scenes, I've got a team of people and supporters that ride the highs and lows with me, so for me to go down again was not only tough for me, but I started thinking about others as well … long term, I need to just start thinking about my wellbeing and getting my body right."
— Alex Woodward (@AlexWoodwardd) May 1, 2017
Recovering after a knee reconstruction
"I've always been of the belief the first probably two weeks post-reco are the hardest, and that's mainly for people who've never done it before. They really don’t have an idea of how much pain and swelling and stringent repetitive icing (is required) and just trying to get some sort of movement back and you want to get your extension back."
The health of his right knee
"The positive with all my knee reconstructions is I've always just torn the ACL in isolation, so I haven't done any damage to any other part of my knee, which is fortunate for me. It means long term my knee will be quite healthy, whether I play football again or not. There are not many things I can't do, but I have to be cautious of the things I do out on the field or do in everyday life. I have to have good habits with my foot placement and realise I might not be able to do things at the intensity or as well as people who've never done a knee reconstruction before."
AFL footballers speaking about mental health
"It's been a really good initiative of players just starting to be OK with speaking out. When the first person (Lance Franklin) did it, it made it OK for the second person to do it, then it's just a flow-on effect. It's amazing how the ripple effect just goes through so many people and then they realise, 'I'm actually not OK, I need to take some time away, so I can rest and get my mind right, so I can go back on the field' … I have (had some dark days), and it's not uncommon to have down periods with any long-time injury, so for me, I was quite proactive in wanting to speak to people about it, get on the front foot and be really open and give others around me transparency with how I'm dealing with things."
His 2014 season, including winning the J.J. Liston Trophy
"Looking back on it, I feel like it was just a major reward for effort, so for me, after my first two years in the system were literally wiped out with two knee reconstructions, to bounce back the way I did, with the recognition I got, I was really proud. To see the happy faces of my family and everyone that was with me the whole way, made the experience even better. It was pretty special for me, but I'm living in the present at the moment and it feels like it was years ago now."
His five seasons at Hawthorn
"One thing I felt really lucky about was having that apprenticeship under some of the elites of the game. Even though I was injured, I was still really keen to be a student of the game, and the likes of Sam Mitchell, Brad Sewell, Luke Hodge, Jordan Lewis, and Shaun Burgoyne were great to me, in terms of teaching me and how I could still improve and be a student of the game. Even with not playing much, I'd still developed enough to improve from when I first got to the club as an 18-year-old. I know 2014, looking back, was amazing, but behind the scenes I actually did put a lot of work in with those sorts of guys … it was a really special era just to be a part of it."