It was all just a misunderstanding. Recent media reports have ex-superstar Brazilian soccer player Ronaldo involved in some kind of fracas with some gentlemen in bright clothing.
That's right, a fracas.
Here at the Four Points we understand that the fracas was simply the result of emulation gone wrong.
That's right, emulation.
You see, fans of the sublime striker were so jazzed by the latest Toyota AFL memorable moment television commercial, they decided to do a number on Ronaldo not unlike that done on Bruce Doull by Dave Lawson.
That’s tight, jazzed.
Sadly, it all ended in tears just like Helen D'Amico all those years ago.
If nothing else, the sorry state of events highlights the similarities between Ronaldo and the Flying Doormat: both were magicians on the park, reticent off it and smash-hits with blondes.
Of course, Mr Doull wears his post-football body with a bit more aplomb.
2. Rules rule, OK? (part one)
On Wednesday, the AFL approved several rule changes relating to the draft and player trades.
This, however, is not a model for free agency as Football Operations Manager Adrian Anderson was careful to point out.
As many would appreciate, free agency is not just the sporting equivalent of a key party but a moral code that allows humans to choose between good and evil, as taught by the Church of Latter Day Saints.
So, is choosing your club really a matter of good versus evil? Perhaps someone should ask Chris Judd?
Although football is often said to be a religion, the Four Points doubts that even the AFL has the powers of the almighty. Nevertheless, it might be wise to be on your guard the next time two well dressed gentlemen knock on your front door, especially if one of them is Ricky Nixon.
3. Rules rule, OK (part two)
As foreshadowed by the Four Points yesterday, Interchange Gategate has hotted up. Not only have the AFL decided to review the rules governing some aspects of the interchange but the combatants of the match in question have thrown their two bobs worth in.
"Strange", "severe" and "farcical" have been just some of the terms used by the parties involved in the heat of the aftermath.
Paul Roos, the man who had a ringside seat to the whole 19th man donnybrook, has suggested the AFL take a page out of the NFL book and introduce field penalties for interchange transgressions.
Now when the Four Points was just a tacker, it's old man took it to see an NFL game. Such was the unrivalled, heart-stopping entertainment on offer that Four Points Snr drifted off sometime during the second quarter, mercifully missing about 25 minutes of commercial breaks, some pom-pom twirling by the cheer-girls, and a punt or two.
So it is suggested that the template of American football be left unstained by Australian hands as we seek to improve our own game ... unless, of course, we want people to fall asleep in the stands. That way, you could get as many players on the park as you like and nobody would notice.
4. Rules rule OK (part three)
Those touched by the blarney will be thrilled to hear that International Rules is returning to the Irish and Australian footballing calendars.
It is no secret that relations between football administrators from the two countries became strained after the last series, so it is reasonable to wonder just what it took to get the good ship Hybrid Game back to more ecumenical waters.
The Four Points thinks it's found the answer.
According to reports, the Irish counties voted for a return of the international series on St Patrick's Day last month.
That's right, St Patrick's Day.
Of course the feastday of Ireland's patron saint is a holy occasion and, therefore, a time to forgive and forget. Especially forget.
The Four Points seems to recall doing a lot of forgetting over the years on St Patrick's Day. In fact, after last St Patrick's Day the Four Points could not remember there ever being such a thing as International Rules but thought it was a great idea and was fully supportive of the concept.
Perhaps if other matters of international import were settled on St Patrick's Day the good ship Planet Earth would be sailing on more ecumenical waters too.
And don't underestimate the personal benefits of properly celebrating feastdays either. I'm sure a nice cup of St Patrick's Day forgetfulness would be just the ticket for Ronaldo right about now. It could help rid him of the snatches of Lola and The Crying Game that keep buzzing around his head.
WHAT’S COMING UP
What to look out for on afl.com.au this Thursday
Walking to the 'G and reminiscing
Players cast their minds back to junior days and forward to the Hall of Fame Tribute Match. There's only one place to keep up to date on the game that's been 150 years in the making. Conveniently, that place is here.
Paul Kelly, you were wrong
Not the Sydney Swans champ, not even the Editor-at-large of The Australian, but the singer-songwriter. When Paul Kelly sang Every something city is the same, he's obviously never heard of Stats City.
The coach, the player, the game
Hear from Matthew Knights, Rodney Eade, and Jeff White. And Brownlow Medallist Simon Black gives us the skinny on what it's like to be a Dream Team member in the lead-up to the Hall of Fame Tribute match.
The views in this story are those of the author and not necessarily those of the clubs or the AFL.
