THE 2024 Toyota AFL Premiership Season is here, and Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors is back!

So put your seatbelt on and enjoy the ride as Damo takes off the gloves and takes aim at your team.

So what is he saying about your club? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below.

>> Check out the latest from Damian Barrett 

IF ...

the Adelaide Coulda-Shouldas want the footy industry to believe in their high-end potential ...

THEN ...

they'll beat the Dockers in Perth on Friday night. Season 2024 has barely started, but the missed opportunities are already making it look like 2023.

IF ..

modern day protocols have effectively banned the old-fashioned bring-your-mouthguards training sessions ...

THEN ...

the Lions need to find the modern alternative before the 2024 season becomes a disaster.

IF ...

Weitering is among the ins ...

THEN ...

what a positive that is for the Blues. Managed to cover for him in the opening two wins against Brisbane and Richmond, he's back to play on Roos gun Larkey on Good Friday.

IF ...

Tom Mitchell wasn't wanted by his previous club, Hawthorn, which happily moved him on as it sought, successfully, to manipulate a low-ladder finish in 2023 ...

THEN ...

his current one has benefitted greatly from him. Official votes in last year's Norm Smith Medal, and yet another result-shaping performance in a desperately needed win against Brisbane on Thursday night. And now status as a 200-gamer has been added to a Brownlow Medal, a second placing in a Brownlow, three best-and-fairests and two All-Australians. It's been an outstanding career.

IF ...

I really, really like the concept of an 'Essendon edge', and understand that Brad Scott put it out there publicly to create accountability of his players ...

THEN ...

I'm going to need to consistently see it, not just hear it. As we all know in all facets of life, it's easy to talk, harder to act.

IF ...

Sean Darcy will miss another four matches, maybe more ...

THEN ...

I cannot wait to see how this Dockers team looks when he returns. Others are adamant it won't work, but I'm really excited about the prospects of a fully fit Darcy-Jackson combo. 

IF ...

big Hawk, at 35 years and eight months of age, at 105kg-plus (realise that referencing a footballer's weight these days is a no-no in some eyes, but it's a positive reference and Tom is old school so he won't mind anyway), and already has 349 games behind him ...

THEN ...

don't assume this will be his final season. Four of his five All-Australian gongs have come after he turned 30. He's still explosive off the mark, still the best in the game at timing his leads, still a fantastic set and in-play goalkicker, still crucial to a grand club hoping to win yet another Grand Final. One of the great footy stories.

IF ...

games one (big win against Richmond) and two (win versus Adelaide) were good for the Dimma-led Suns ...

THEN ...

game three (a dreadful loss to Western Bulldogs) was back to normal programming. Need to work on a lot of strategy over this bye weekend.

IF ...

all the best AFL defenders – big, small and in-between – are lined up on the schoolyard wall, and I've got first pick ...

THEN ...

without hesitation I'm taking Sam Taylor. Yet to turn 25, nowhere near his peak, owns the key to this football club.

IF ...

I've been very critical of some aspects of this rebuild ...

THEN ...

I'm not backing away now. There are many problems, particularly midfield depth (and yes, I know Will Day is injured), and the backline. Having said all that, I am prepared to give the Hawks a few more weeks of the 2024 season to work through their problems.

IF ...

there's a lot for Demons supporters to endure as problems continue to explode on (Steven May's broken ribs and damaged vertebrae) and off (a federal MP using parliamentary privilege to back over some problems in the past) field ...

THEN ...

beautiful comfort still comes in the form of Jack Viney. Playing Game No.200 on Saturday night. There hasn't been a tougher Dee in this club's history.

IF ...

the kids in the midfield seem certain to progress to A-grade status ...

THEN ...

the threadbare backline will be a major worry for a while yet. The Roos need to show some resolve on Good Friday, too. Their record on this day is one win (2018), five losses (2017, 2019, 2021, 2022, 2023), with an average losing margin of 56 points.

IF ...

Steven May won't be at Adelaide Oval on Saturday night ...

THEN ...

Big Charlie and Todd need to cash in. It won't be easy, though. Lever has been named and though he will banged up, is a star. 

IF ...

Dimma took 10 matches to register his first win as coach of Richmond ...

THEN ...

I really hope Adem Yze doesn't have to wait as long. 

IF ...

Jack Higgins won goal of the year in 2018 as a Tiger ...

THEN ...

he may win it again in 2024 as a Saint. Glad they didn't, but umpires should've intervened before both of those goals, both at the MCG. In 2018, Higgins threw the ball before manoeuvring his way around a goalpost and retrieving and extraordinarily kicking it through for a goal at the Punt Rd end. Last week, he was nearly a metre outside the boundary line when he launched a long bomb at the city end.

IF ...

Warner, Heeney, Gulden and Rowbottom are controlling matters in the middle, Blakey running amok off half-back, Papley playing tricks and getting inside opponents' heads up forward and Grundy puppeteering the main moves ...

THEN ...

this team has become super-fun to watch. Love the attitude, love the controlled flair. 

IF ...

one of the greatest miracles in the game's history occurred the last time West Coast played Western Bulldogs at Marvel Stadium ...

THEN ...

it would be an even greater miracle if the Eagles were to win again on Sunday.

IF ...

footy usually produces more lows than highs ...

THEN ...

you wouldn't know that by simply observing Cody Weightman. He's always smiling, always bouncing. And he's always doing the team thing, no matter the numbers on the scoreboard. I love it, rapt for him that he kicked six goals last week.

AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL

IF ...

there have been innumerable problems with the AFL's illicit drugs policy since its inception in 2005 ...

THEN ...

the single biggest problem has been the inability of the game to make all facets of the industry, and even more importantly the general public, aware that it runs separately to the performance-enhancing code. I have long maintained that it is more a code of conduct than a drugs policy, as from its outset it deliberately never sought punishment. We are talking about illegal drugs here, and in my eyes it's not harsh to say to a footballer that if he or she wants to play in the AFL system, you don't do drugs. I have never agreed with the safeguarding of players being named, and the lies that it has compelled people to make over 20 years, but I am understanding of why that aspect is dear to those who strongly believe in the medical model of the policy. I do know of many players which that has helped. Whatever gains the policy has offered have always been eroded by the constant public relations mess. And making changes to it won't matter one bit unless that aspect is properly addressed.