THE 2024 Toyota AFL Premiership Season is in full swing, and Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors is back!

So put your seatbelt on and enjoy the ride as Damo takes off the gloves and takes aim at your team.

So what is he saying about your club? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below.

>> Check out the latest from Damian Barrett 

IF ...

I initially thought Texan shouldn't have gone public this week with his strong views that the Crows had been dudded by umpires three times in 15 matches ...

THEN ...

upon reflection I reckon he was justified. AFL admissions of error now in three matches decided by a kick. A missed free kick to Jordan Dawson in the last minute of a round 15 loss to Collingwood last year. The Ben Keays' non-goal ruling against the Swans. The non-free kick against Sam Draper in round six. These are high stakes. Careers are being shaped. Seasons are being adversely affected. Contracts being determined. Tex was right.

IF ..

after round six I was prepared to hold on putting a big black Texta through the Lions' premiership hopes ...

THEN ...

out comes that big black Texta now. There's no spark, no proper on-field leadership. And there's a heap of opposition goals coming after half-time. Nine to GWS on Thursday night, against their two (the second coming on the final siren). On the season, it is 48-27 for goals kicked after half-time.

IF ...

Tom De Koning goes head-to-head with Sam De Koning at the MCG in the Saturday twilight slot ...

THEN ...

boy oh boy, wowee. Please, Vossy, let it happen. Send Tom forward at the first bounce. Hair, headbands, height, high-end ability. Regardless, what a game this will be.

IF ..

the draw on Anzac Day was not the optimum outcome ...

THEN ...

there's consolation in the form of Jamie Elliott taking one of the greatest marks in the history of the game and Darcy Moore enhancing his claims on being the best public-speaking captain ever. They'll be thereabouts again, the Pies. But Nathan Murphy's retirement has been crushing.

IF ...

Isaac Heeney may be leading the Brownlow Medal after six rounds ...

THEN ...

Zach Merrett surely won't be far behind after seven. No idea how he was left out of this club's leadership group in 2020. Leading expertly in 2024. Even if he misses on the Brownlow, he's tracking to get a fourth All-Australian.

IF ...

it was nine goals, nine goals, nine goals in three consecutive matches (for a win and two losses, respectively against Adelaide, Carlton and Port Adelaide) and just four goals to three-quarter time last week in the Derby before another loss ...

THEN ...

the alarm bells are blaring. In Ryan and Pearce, the Dockers may have the best key-backs combo outside of May and Lever. But there are debilitating, season-destroying conservative strategies, as well as personnel issues, where it actually counts - up forward.

IF ...

you win a best-and-fairest in a premiership year ...

THEN ...

you are a club great. Cam Guthrie did that in 2022, sharing the honour with Jez Cameron. Guthrie is back this week, having not been at AFL level for a year. The Geelong story gets better by the week.

IF ...

the Suns are unbeaten this year at home ...

THEN ...

I can't see why they won't stay that way, with the minus Harley Reid West Coast next up. Still can't seem them making finals this year. Way too flaky away from home.

IF ...

Toby, Sam and Cogs were respectively out suspended, concussed and injured against the Lions ...

THEN ...

it just didn’t matter. Their absences made this team stronger in the big picture. Callaghan played his best game of the year, Himmelberg was fantastic, Perryman relished the added authority, Thomas and Jones, on debut, each booted two goals, Riccardi three. And of course Green and Kelly led the way.

IF ...

both Will Day and Mitch Lewis make the cut for Sunday's match against Sydney having been named in the 26-player squad ...

THEN ...

the Hawks may be a sneaky chance.

IF ...

we've all thrown our negative opinions Melbourne's way on and off-field in the past two seasons ...

THEN ...

the club has absorbed every single punch, and just moves on, diligently planning for another crack at a flag. Daniel Turner the latest ploy for the highly problematic forward line.

IF ...

Nick Larkey is a very funny impersonator, and brilliantly nailed me during the week ...

THEN ...

I'm looking forward to him expanding his repertoire. If you're not familiar with his work, take a look at his Rafa Nadal stuff. It's gold. Surely he's got a Clarko-after-another-loss skit in the works.

IF ...

you've heard the phrase "same old, same old" ...

THEN ...

Port Adelaide embodies it. The Power simply don't get the job done, consistently, against the good teams. I love Kenny's attitude and ways, but in his 12 years in charge, they've never been in the black in a season against top four teams, and have only once been in the black against top eight teams.

IF ...

Jacob Hopper didn't even last three quarters in his return from injury on Wednesday night and was forced to reassume his place on the injured list alongside Lynch, Short, Taranto, Balta, Gibcus, Prestia and Ross ...

THEN ...

it's officially an injury crisis at Tigerland.

IF ...

Ross The Boss when coaching the Dockers once said he'd happily play in a carpark as a means to publicly diffuse the furore around having to play a final at the Cattery ...

THEN ...

his embracing of the Cuddly Ross persona has clearly softened him. Even before last week's loss to the Dogs, Ross was making public excuses, highlighting that it was the Saints' third match in 11 days. I want the old Ross back. I think the Saints need the old Ross back.

IF ...

Taylor Adams missed the first four games with his new club because of injury ...

THEN ...

the two he has played have proven beyond doubt there is a place for him. There will be a midfield selection squeeze at some stage soon, though, when Mills and Parker become available. But Adams doing what he does in their absence – playing hard, uncompromising, brutal football.

IF ...

the G-Train was a very good Eagles player before becoming a great at the Saints ...

THEN ...

here comes the lookalike J-Train. Fraser Gehrig. Jake Waterman. The former being the second-last player to kick 100 goals in a season, the latter being the one who has booted 11 in the past two weeks to help this mighty club finally feel good about itself again. Loving Waterman's emergence, particularly after his debilitating illness of last year.

IF ...

Ryley Sanders is clearly the future ...

THEN ...

Tom Liberatore is clearly the past and the now. Libba missed last week with concussion protocols and may well be in already-exceptional career-best form. Sanders axed for the game against Freo, Libba in. The right call on Sanders. A prodigy in the works, but form has tapered and attitude may need a slight tweak, too.

AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL

IF ...

Tom Barrass was as good a bloke as Charlie Cameron ...

THEN ...

he would've been playing this week. And that's the AFL Tribunal's opinion, not mine. Compare the pair, of "dangerous" tackles. It took the Tribunal two-and-a-half hours this week to determine Barrass' tackle of Michael Walters was worthy of a one-game suspension. Going beautifully, seven rounds in to the 2024 season.