IF
 		THEN
 
Adelaide
 		the Crows could produce such stunning form, without their main man Danger, against Geelong last week ...… the question has to be asked: what the hell was going on in most of the nine losses of 2013?
 
Brisbane Lions
 		Jonathan Brown does decide to retire …… he will have at least 47 media offers to consider for 2014 and beyond.
Carlton
 		Mick Malthouse was still coaching Collingwood …… he would have tagged Gary Ablett last week. Which means Ablett will be tagged this week.
Collingwood
 		there's not more to Geoff Walsh's exit from Collingwood than what has been publicly declared ...… Australia will win the next three Ashes Tests.
Essendon
 		James Hird was so outraged last week about asking people to refrain from commenting on the ASADA investigation …… why did he comment himself this week on the Demetriou phone call? Spare us the moral high ground lines.
 
Fremantle
 		the Dockers keep persevering with lucrative offers to big-name players …… they will eventually land someone. Trav, Harry and Jack may have all said no, but the logic is right, and will soon work.
 
Geelong
 		Chris Scott did anything in his first year as coach in 2011 …… it was a preparedness to make tough, and right, calls on Mooney and Milburn. Which would make Chappy very nervous right now.
Gold Coast
 		Trent McKenzie didn't walk around with a swagger last week after Collingwood decided to tag HIM and NOT Ablett …… he should have!!
 
GWS

 		there was a second-year Rising Star award ...
 		... Jeremy Cameron would be $1.0000000000001 favourite. Gun player, gun kid.
Hawthorn
 		there’s a better pairing of "ins" than Buddy and Mitchell for a 1 v 2 on-the-ladder clash …… it must have been a bloody good couple of players! Might just win by 10 goals, the Hawks.
Melbourne
 		we think we know the way Peter Jackson works …… a massive offer will still be made to Paul Roos to coach the Demons. And then one more when he says no again.
North Melbournea Roos fan needed a pep-up to deal with the frustrations of 2013 ...… it came in the viewing of the #Buddy13 special program during the week. Now, that was a nightmare, even worse the second time round.
Port Adelaide
 		there's a defining period for the club in a year which has already had a few such moments …… it is the next fortnight. Lions and Crows at AAMI Stadium. Look out.
Richmond
 		you really want to believe in the Tigers, like, really, really want to believe in them …
 		… wait another fortnight. Freo without Pav, Ballantyne, McPharlin and Sandi doesn't count as a scalp.
St Kilda
 		Nick Riewoldt at some stage of this Saturday night's match against Geelong doesn't ponder, and then maybe get angry, about what might have been in the rivalry of these clubs over 10 seasons ...… he's not human.
 
Sydney Swans
 		the AFL doesn't force the NRL out of ANZ Stadium on Friday night in Round 23 …… Sydney has every right to feel robbed. Deserves the big spotlight v Hawks that night.
West Coast
 		the Eagles play Nic Nat again this season …… they are being silly. He hasn't been right all year. Get him right for 2014. Now.
Western Bulldogsthe Dogs aren’t making a play for Tom Boyd …... they should be. Just get involved. Somehow. Anyhow.

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Follow Damian Barrett on Twitter: @barrettdamian