THE 2024 Toyota AFL Premiership Season is in full swing, and Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors is back!

So put your seatbelt on and enjoy the ride as Damo takes off the gloves and takes aim at your team.

So what is he saying about your club? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below.

>> Check out the latest from Damian Barrett 

IF ...

Texan will be 35 early next year ...

THEN ...

he will still have good footy left in him. He wants to play on into 2025 and beyond, deserves to play on. No guarantee those games will be with the Crows, who have so many big decisions to make after their disastrous start to 2024.

IF ..

the ladder says the Lions are 13th ...

THEN ...

the gut says they are top six. Massive match against Port Adelaide on Saturday, and Daniher and Hipwood hold the keys to this one.

IF ...

you're to formulate the near-perfect on-paper team for the 2024 season ...

THEN ...

the Blues have got it. Two midfield guns, two key forward guns, a gun key back, a gun running back, an emerging-gun ruck. And a lot of grit, grunt and run around them. 

IF ...

Fly has been in charge of the Pies for just 65 matches ...

THEN ...

it is nearly impossible to get one's head around the fact that nearly half of those games - 30 to be exact - have been determined by 12 points or less. And preposterous to factor in that he's lost just four of those 30, alongside 24 wins and two draws. 

IF ...

six of the Bombers' eight wins have come against teams placed 12-18 ...

THEN ...

the doubts will remain. And won't disappear even if a ninth win comes this week, with 16th-placed Eagles, who they have already beaten this year, up next.

IF ...

this club regularly disappoints, sometimes even itself as per round 14's embarrassment against the Dogs ...

THEN ...

it quick-smart needs to find a steely resolve. I really liked the tough public words of the coach this week. Let's see if his players respond.

IF ...

one side of the debate strongly suggests Tyson Stengle owes it to the Cats to stay ...

THEN ...

I get it, and understand and respect the logic behind saying he is still in debt to the club for offering him a sporting lifeline when he desperately needed it. But I take the view that he's more than paid back the Cats, with an All-Australian-rewarded 53 goals, including four in a winning Grand Final, in 2022. And he's been very good this year, too.

IF ...

the Suns have an away game ...

THEN ...

we know what happens. Until they do something different on such occasions – that is, win – they will continue to be the great talkers. 

IF ...

merely typing the words "ruptured testicle" sends extreme, excruciating pain through the keyboard ...

THEN ...

I have no idea how Sam Taylor played with such an ailment during the second half of last Sunday's match against Port.

IF ...

James Sicily is in the mood and on song ...

THEN ...

no one, not even Zach Merrett, Nick Daicos or Taylor Walker, can kick the ball better. 

IF ...

the Swans only discovered the elite midfield talents of Isaac Heeney when Callum Mills went down ...

THEN ...

here's a massive chance for a Demon to step up. No Brayshaw and Petracca. And Oliver struggling. Tipping Trent Rivers to burst into prominence here.

IF ...

I've been ultra-critical of the Roos since the 2016 day when they robotically released this statement to the marketplace: "North Melbourne has made the difficult decision not to re-contract four of its most decorated players" ...

THEN ...

I don't resile from one aspect of it. They've been an unmitigated mess, and the treatment of Boomer, Drew, Dal and Spud was disgracefully handled, not to mention that it happened in a season which began with a 10-1 scoreline. But, finally, I'm seeing some things that may suggest the mess largely created by off-field officials is nearly over.

IF ...

the Power had been able to convince Brodie Grundy to join them and not the Swans last year ...

THEN ...

the 2024 season would have taken a vastly different shape. Given what he has done with Chad, Isaac and Errol, just imagine what he would've done with Connor, Zak and Jason.

IF ...

seemingly everyone with even a passing interest in football has drawn positively from Dusty's "yeah mate, freshen up for the bye and we'll see how we go" line after his 300th match last weekend ...

THEN ...

everyone will nevertheless want to see him training regularly next week to be assured that we will, indeed, see him again on a footy ground in 2024. The aura, the mystery, the intrigue continues, even after he took the unusual step of speaking into a microphone.

IF ...

the long-running industry wide debate over clubs' access to Academy players and father-sons is complex, nuanced and often emotional ...

THEN ...

I feel Saints boss Andrew Bassat has cleverly simplified it. Access to high-end Academy and father-son players is the advantage. But clubs must be forced to "pay the right price, not a nonsense price".

IF ...

John Longmire has done sooooo much right as Sydney coach since 2011 ...

THEN ...

I don't care for the rationale, he stuffed up last week when he took Joel Amartey from the ground after he'd booted his ninth goal against Adelaide. Come on Horse! Amartey deserved a crack at a 10th. In 1990, Wayne Schimmelbusch left you on the ground in round two when you booted 12 against Richmond, and again in round 14 when you jagged 14 against Melbourne. The Amartey Party Pooper.

IF ...

Oscar Allen is back ...

THEN ...

while he won't be anywhere near match-fit, given he hasn't played due to a knee injury since round one, the Eagles' attack is going to start taking very nice shape. An Allen-Waterman key forward combo looms as very scary.

IF ...

The Bont already had nothing left to prove to the footy world ...

THEN ...

he's proving something anyway. Maybe he just got annoyed at the copious media focus on Isaac and Nick and Chad and Errol, and maybe he just wanted to remind us all that he's still the best, and has been since 2016.

AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL

IF ...

you're an AFL player and you want to hit an opponent, even in the head, in the 2024 season ...

THEN ...

you should be right to play the following week. Zak Butters the latest to land a strike, on GWS's Tom Green's head, and be set free. Jesse Hogan was able to play after belting Lewis Young, also in the head. So too Scott Pendlebury and George Hewett, who both belted Lachie Neale and were also set free. It's nearly a free for all out there when these matters reach the Tribunal, despite the promise there would be a crackdown. I keep saying it: the Match Review Office-Tribunal-Appeals Tribunal system is irreparably broken.