| IF | THEN | |
| Adelaide | you've lost Gunston and Tippett from your forward line in recent years ... | ... you're doing everything to ensure you retain Tom Lynch. |
| Brisbane Lions | the speech Leigh Matthews gave to the Lions staff during the week has even 20 per cent of the effect as the one he gave when he walked into this club for the first time in late 1998 ... | ... things will be OK. |
| Carlton | you go behind the spin about there being no contract for the new coach ... | ... there actually is indeed a financial commitment to pay Bolton for a set time. Let's not get too cute with our messaging. |
| Collingwood | you're a Pies supporter ... | ... there is no need to be panicked, yet, about the Tigers "stealing" Treloar. Most footy club recruiters say Pies still well in front. |
| Essendon | his sense of theatre remains what it once was ... | ... expect a couple of compelling twists to emerge out of Chappy's farewell match. What a career. |
| Fremantle | we're all to be serious about this ... | ... Fyfe's actions last weekend were worthy of a fine and therefore Brownlow ineligibility. He would've been fined had it been round two and had no priors. The beauty of pliable guidelines is you can do what you want, when you want. |
| Geelong | the Cats lose tonight ... | ... the top eight will be locked. And it's probably just as locked if the Crows win on Sunday, after the Cats win on Friday. Hard to imagine North dropping out and yes, the much-anticipated final round is shaping as a fizzer ... isn't it? |
| Gold Coast | the player exchange period is a 'meat market' ... | ... Charlie Dixon's return to the Suns team this weekend is a stroll through the parade ring. |
| Greater Western Sydney | our gut feel is right ... | ... the bad loss to the Swans last week will provide incentive for an old-fashioned mauling of Carlton this week. |
| Hawthorn | you're captain of a club ... | ... you really don't want to be missing five matches of a home and away season through suspension. Very fortunate it wasn't a final as well. |
| Melbourne | the CEO is going to attempt to clarify eyebrow-raising comments of the coach ... | ... best not to protect the employees of a disastrously under-performing club at the expense of the supporters. Everyone at the Demons needs to remove the "negative" word from their vocabulary. |
| North Melbourne | there's one player we'd like to see maintain his form of round 21... | ... it's Atley. Reckon he could still be anything. It is now time. |
| Port Adelaide | you wanted confirmation of this season being one of the great stuff-ups and waste of talent ... | ... you got it last Friday night. Twice the victor over the reigning premier. The mind just boggles. |
| Richmond | there's a suspended sentence hanging over your head for a previous questionable on-field hand gesture and you go down the path of directing another questionable hand gesture to opposition supporters ... | ... you're loving the wet lettuce leaf sanctioning policy of HQ. |
| St Kilda | it's possible to give a B-plus assessment of a team which has won just six matches (as well as a draw) from 20 games ... | we're giving it to the Saints. A lot to like from 2015. |
| Sydney Swans | we've got doubts about this club's premiership credentials ... | ... we're not going to be any clearer before the first final, as remaining games against the Saints (Sunday) and Gold Coast aren't going to tell us anything. |
| West Coast | we're to use track-and-field vernacular ... | ... the Eagles are hitting the line hardest in the heats. The main competitors right now are looking strained. |
| Western Bulldogs | there is such a thing as an admirable 77-point loss ... | ... the Dogs provided it last Sunday at Subi. Scored 85 points themselves, held their own for half the match. |
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Follow Damian Barrett on Twitter: @barrettdamian
