THE 2024 Toyota AFL Premiership Season is heading towards a dramatic conclusion, and Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors is back for another week!

So put your seatbelt on and enjoy the ride as Damo takes off the gloves and takes aim at your team.

So what is he saying about your club? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below.

>> Check out the latest from Damian Barrett 

IF ...

you look up "waste" in the online dictionary ...

THEN ...

there's a snapshot of the bottom four rungs of the 2024 season AFL ladder. There needs to be a proper review of how this team has managed to find itself 15th. And even a Showdown win on Saturday night would only reinforce that need.

IF ..

one of the most important and stabilising aspects of the Lions' operations in the past few years has been general manager of football Danny Daly ...

THEN ...

it's no surprise in the past three years - including very recently - that all sorts of potential opportunities have been presented to him by other clubs. Has positively influenced a lot of outstanding careers.

IF ...

I normally hate using cliches ...

THEN ...

I'm embracing them here on the back of 17 players finding themselves on the Blues' injury list for Sunday's match against West Coast. Their backs are against the wall. They'll have to leave it all out there on the park if they are to win. It's us-against-the-world. At a stretch, could even throw in David v Goliath. If Vossy was presented with this "opportunity" as a player, he would've found a way. And I reckon they'll still win.

IF ...

the Magpies share the same stretch of sports complexes as the NRL’s Melbourne Storm and have close relationships with that team 

THEN ...

replicating the Storm’s fighting spirit - yet again on full display on Thursday night in an away win against Penrith - against Brisbane on Saturday would at least keep alive the most unlikely of premiership defences.

IF ...

Sheeds on Thursday announced he was stepping down as a Bombers director ...

THEN ...

it was 22 months too late. Staggering that president David Barham allowed him to remain a director after his unsuccessful campaign to have James Hird as coach. Regardless, one of the greatest figures in Essendon and AFL history.

IF ...

there’s no Josh Treacy 

THEN ...

in the games that really matter, there’s no Dockers. He’s that good. 

IF ...

Rhys Stanley maintains the form displayed against the Dockers last weekend

THEN ...

the Cats will go a long way toward winning the flag. Often maligned, regularly questioned, but he’s a premiership player, has 206 matches behind him, and he’s a better ruck at this stage than the injured Sam De Koning.

IF ...

you were tasked with identifying the player who may be the best in the game in 2027 ...

THEN ...

surely Mac Andrew would be among considerations. And it might take that long to determine whether he is a better back or forward. Seven goals in the past two weeks, including the after-the-final-siren winner after a beautiful mark versus Essendon last weekend, have already catapulted this guy's status into the lofty zone.

IF ...

all the superstars of the past have had coming-of-age games ...

THEN ...

bookmark round 22, 2024, as Aaron Cadman's. In game No.31, three final-quarter goals in a come-from-behind win against then-premiership favourite Brisbane. The 2022 No.1 draft pick has arrived.

IF ...

opposition teams don’t start paying proper attention to Josh Weddle 

THEN ...

he will continue to destroy opposition teams. What a player. And he’s not yet in fourth gear.

IF ...

anyone from the Melbourne Football Club again dares to say that its "culture" is an industry benchmark ...

THEN ...

I'll be channelling Terry Wallace and his "I'll spew up" approach. Culture is dreadful, Gary Pert and Simon Goodwin. And until you admit it, nothing will be fixed.

IF ...

there are two matches remaining and the Roos are 3-18 ...

THEN ...

when it's all said and done, nothing has changed. Struggled to defeat last-on-ladder Richmond in round 21, and lost to West Coast last weekend. The past five seasons, 2020-24, have seen win tallies of three, four, two, three and three (currently). Clarko was meant to be the fixer.

IF ...

the potential superstar Georgiades is out, and Marshall also unavailable for the Showdown ...

THEN ...

the forward line is a massive worry. I'd plonk JHF in the goalsquare alongside Dixon the entire game. What a player. He's capable of a bag of six in this game.

IF ...

the Tigers have had a disastrous home and away season ...

THEN ...

the off-season looms as even more catastrophic, with the in-contract Bolton and Rioli positioning themselves to ask for exits, alongside Baker.

IF ...

the Saints clearly have football problems in all key facets, with deficiencies down back, in the middle and up forward 

THEN ...

they also have marketing problems. Outside Ross The Boss, there is zero X-factor.

IF ...

you thought it was Angry Horse during the week when talking about Craig McRae's views on umpires ...

THEN ...

it was actually Mild Horse. Wanna see a Really Angry Horse? Ask him, privately, about the many Western Bulldogs players' throws that may have been passed off as handballs in the 2016 Grand Final.

IF ...

just about every candidate is publicly withdrawing from the race to be the next Eagles coach 

THEN ...

clearly, they know something. Maybe someone who has publicly withdrawn may be privately dealing to secure the job. 

IF ...

after an All-Australian season in 2023 Tim English was poised for a million dollar-plus a year deal whether he stayed at the Dogs or left for WA 

THEN ...

his form this year dramatically changed that scenario. The WA offer may have even been taken off the table, and the Dogs one didn’t go near seven figures.

AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL

IF ...

a select panel of high-end footy experts is chosen to determine the All-Australian team ...

THEN ...

under no circumstances should the clubs be involved in any aspect of adjudication. I realise it is only one part of overall panel considerations, but I have never understood why the clubs are asked to nominate players. Clubs are known at times to play very political games with how they rate their own players. Besides, they have their own awards. If the selectors are properly watching all matches every weekend, they don't need to be bothered with clubs telling them who is, and isn't, playing well. And surely those selectors don't use Champion Data numbers as a starting point for their own opinions.