WE MIGHT be on a bye week ahead of what looms as a sensational 2024 finals series but Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors never stops!

So put your seatbelt on and enjoy the ride as Damo takes off the gloves and takes aim at your team.

So what is he saying about your club? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below.

>> Check out the latest from Damian Barrett 

IF ...

this club isn't right now pulling apart every facet of its operations, on and off field, in a ruthless critique of what it wants to stand for 

THEN ...

2025 will be like 2024, 2023, 2022, 2021, 2020, 2019 and 2018 … has become complacent and embarrassingly underwhelming. Crows once stood for something, but recently, they have become comfortable in being mediocre. 

IF ..

you're jagging an All-Australian at 35 years of age 

THEN ...

what a story, Dayne Zorko. Fully deserved. Arguably the key reason in this team's 2024 transformation from a dreadfully slow start. 

IF ...

there are many ways in which the greats are able to rise above the mere mortals 

THEN ...

Patty Cripps let us in on one of his secrets when accepting a fourth All-Australian on Thursday night. Ignoring the fear that creeps into one's mind. I reckon he's had his best-ever season, and he's already won and been placed in a Brownlow.

IF ...

Nick Daicos has now got two All-Australian gongs ...

THEN ...

it should be a perfect three. Selectors were unfortunately not courageous enough to put him in the 2022 team in his debut season.

IF ...

you want a laugh today ...

THEN ...

search online for a Q&A with Dave Barham in last Saturday's Herald Sun. The laughs will come not from the questions, which were very good, just the answers. Spin City.

IF ...

this club dares to attempt to sell the 2024 season as a good one ...

THEN ...

it is delusional. Yes, the list profile looks very good for the future. And yes, the unavailability late in the season of Treacy, Pearce and Darcy was a massive setback. But missing finals after four straight losses, including an unforgivable one against Essendon, needs to be viewed as unacceptable. 

IF ...

you want to question the credentials of the Cats as they enter the finals series ...

THEN ...

so be it. But don't ever question their courage to forever being prepared to have a crack at September action. The 12th finals series in 14 seasons under Chris Scott. It's a modern miracle.

IF ...

Dimma said "80 per cent of our first premiership side is sitting in this room" on the August 2023 day he was unveiled as Suns coach ...

THEN ...

I wonder how many percentage points he'll be adding to that number after the acquisition of Daniel Rioli.

IF ...

Daniels and Bedford were late outs for the final home and away season, leaving the Giants undermanned for the game against Western Bulldogs ...

THEN ...

I'll admit it crossed my mind that they were very comfortable with their lot, win or lose in that final home and away match. Couldn't fall from a double-chance finals place. And a loss was guaranteed to keep them in Sydney for a qualifying final, instead of a match at Adelaide Oval (Port Adelaide) or MCG (Geelong).

IF ...

the 2024 Grand Final magically remains reachable ...

THEN ...

the 2025 one already looms large regardless of what happens in the next month, with gun defenders Josh Battle and Tom Barrass to be added to the playing list.

IF ...

'Brand Petracca' wants to truly hit the big time with his much-cherished public profile and image ...

THEN ...

he may want to consider a LeBron James-style broadcast to announce his next club of choice. Imagine the boost, Christian, of those Instagram followers. The NBA icon in 2010 revealed his decision to leave the Cavaliers for the Heat in The Decision, a 75-minute broadcast, with commercials, on ESPN. Ooooh, the tension, as we wait to hear, from 'Brand Petracca' himself, the football reasons as to why he wants out of the Melbourne Football Club.

IF ...

in the past two years I have argued the Roos need to recruit experienced players 

THEN ...

they cannot, yet again, recruit the wrong experienced players. And humiliatingly sacking their own, high-class experienced players in Harvey, Petrie, Dal Santo and Firrito late in 2016 in the one embarrassingly worded media release was the start of their seemingly endless spiral into an abyss.

IF ...

the All-Australian team was full of brilliance, and excellently chosen by selectors

THEN ...

I still feel for Jason Horne-Francis. One of the first selected in my 2024 team.

IF ...

in 2022 Daniel Rioli spoke of being a "Tiger for life now and I would not want to be anywhere else" when he signed a deal all the way through to the end of 2027, and if ex-Tigers-now-Suns coach Dimma Hardwick arrogantly said to media after beers with Rioli in April that Rioli was "contracted to Richmond for life, I reckon, so it was pretty innocent from our point of view" ...

THEN ...

as with sooooo many words uttered by footballers and coaches, they were nothing but lies.

IF ...

it's unfortunate for the Saints that Josh Battle has chosen to walk out and head to the Hawks

THEN ...

they still don't deserve a first round national draft compo pick for his loss. Let's see what the magical, mystical, mysterious and ultimately mind-numbing free agency "formula" spits out on this one. Like many AFL "rules", that formula can be whatever it needs to be at any given point in time. And the battling Saints need help. So voila, it will probably be a first-rounder. 

IF ...

it was the wise, potentially premiership-winning call to rest a banged-up, tired Isaac Heeney from round 24 

THEN ...

it also, unfortunately, was a personal status-robbing one. Led the AFL Coaches Association MVP award until that final round. Already ruled out of the Brownlow due to suspension. Oh well. There's a flag to be won. And this superstar will be physically primed.

IF ...

the Eagles were again dreadful this year 

THEN ...

incredible they can boast two key position players in the All-Australian team. McGovern for a fifth time, Waterman for a first. Gov finally got his body right. And added a 2024 gong to the 2016-17-18-19 ones.

IF ...

the CV now includes six All-Australians, a flag, three AFLPA MVPs, five best-and-fairests, two second placings in a Brownlow, and an AFL Coaches Association MVP 

THEN ...

there's nothing left for Bont to achieve. Should've won two Brownlows, maybe three. They're coming from everywhere in 2024, but he's still the best, and has been since 2016, when he was 20.

AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL

IF ...

this is world's best practice ...

THEN ...

I suppose I'll just have to get used to it, despite protesting seemingly every single week. Another split-second hit (Pickett on Moore) on a footy field was this week formally debated - four days later - by lawyers, biomechanists, human movement specialists and character behaviour opinionists, in a hearing which lasted … wait for it … three-and-a-half hours. And then after that, another split-second act on a footy field (Owies' tackle of Higgins) was also debated by similar people and had, wait for it, a finish time close to 1am on a Wednesday morning. It's laughable now.