THE 2024 Continental Tyres AFL Trade Period is over, but never fear, Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors is still going full steam ahead.
So put your seatbelt on and enjoy the ride as Damo takes off the gloves and takes aim at your team.
So what is he saying about your club? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below.
>> Check out the latest from Damian Barrett
IF ...
there has been nothing but underwhelming outcome in the five years of Matty Nicks' coaching ...
THEN ...
season 2025 simply must end in week two of finals, at the very least. No more excuses. Peatling, Neal-Bullen and Cumming are OK pick-ups.
IF ..
the Lions will seek to replace the gaping hole left by Joe Daniher with already-listed players in 2025 ...
THEN ...
I have zero doubt they have already identified a very big-name, big forward for 2026. This club, under the watch of Fagan, Swann and Daly, ain't going away any time soon.
IF ...
seemingly everyone wants to heap praise on the Blues for their efforts in the trade period ...
THEN ...
I'm holding off on the pats on the back. Sure, they ended up with pick three in the national draft. Big tick. But they gave up three first-round picks, two from this year and one from next, to do so. Big question mark on who they choose at pick three.
IF ...
the off-field problems are growing larger by the day, with the prez standing down, the CEO under siege, Wrighty off to Carlton, no footy department boss, Bolton out and Leppa blowing up at seemingly everyone in his newfound role as list boss ...
THEN ...
for coach Craig McRae, it's over, baby, it's never gonna be that way. Again.
IF ...
anyone has a number for the Essendon Football Club ...
THEN ...
please ring it and tell it the 2024 trade period has concluded.
IF ...
in 2025 the Dockers get the Shai Bolton of 2022 and not the Shai Bolton of 2024 ...
THEN ...
he'll be worth the massive draft pick bounty, which included national draft picks 10, 11 and 18. But the game's true greats have never, ever checked out of any situation, and Bolton checked out of Richmond in 2024.
IF ...
the recruitment of Bailey Smith to a team which was 25 points up in preliminary final is a massive coup ...
THEN ...
it doesn't solve the Cats' biggest problem zone. The ruck.
IF ...
there's one thing this club does well ...
THEN ...
it is a constant sell that the next year will be better. And here we go again. Three cheers for the Rioli acquisition. Maybe, just maybe, in its 15th season of AFL life, the Suns may get near the number of wins required to go beyond matches played in August. Maybe.
IF ...
my first reaction to the Giants' post-season party was that it was a private function and none of anyone else's business nor care ...
THEN ...
my second reaction, upon knowing the specifics of the behaviour – planned behaviour, given it was a dress-up party - included an attempt at making fun of the Jarryd Hayne sexual assault case, was of disgust. The Giants themselves on Wednesday night admitted actions at the gathering were "distressing". They were worse. Try disturbing. There is zero forum in which a "joke" about sexual or domestic violence is appropriate. And while I understand some will scoff at this – Toby Greene, the captain and most senior person in attendance, should have been suspended and not merely fined, too.
IF ...
there are way too many clubs way too comfortable in being way too ordinary ...
THEN ...
not this one. The Hawks are impatient for success, from daring to dream of a flag after a 0-5 start to the 2024 season to giving the middle finger to a dallying West Coast in the trade period. This attitude doesn't guarantee the ultimate success, but it's compelling.
IF ...
the positive spin on the trade period is that Petracca and Oliver stayed on the list ...
THEN ...
spare me. Well done, Dees. Clap, clap. And Petracca's desperation to leave was the single reason that Dan Houston chose not to come. What a mess of a club.
IF ...
pick 25 for Caleb Daniel made sense to the Roos ...
THEN ...
it didn't to me. Massive overs.
IF ...
there has been a worse transaction in trade history than Port's for the exit of Dan Houston ...
THEN ...
nah, there hasn't been. Too nice, this club. I would've held him to his contract. Played off a break by player agent Paul Connors, who was afforded way too much control. Let's see if a big-name, Connors-managed player joins Port in the 2025 trade period. That would be the only justification for this 2024 trade period disaster. And even that wouldn't make it right.
IF ...
you're a Tigers fan and you like a flutter ...
THEN ...
here's your TattsLotto numbers. 1, 6, 10, 11, 18, 20, 23, 24. Bet responsibly. And recruit cleverly in the 2024 national draft.
IF ...
your greatest achievement in a trade period is being the beneficiary of a super-dooper shake of the AFL-applied secret herbs and spices sprinkled over the loss of free agent Josh Battle ...
THEN ...
season 2025 won't be greatly different to 2024, even with Jack Macrae coming in.
IF ...
the Swans lost a Grand Final by 10 goals 20 days ago ...
THEN ...
they weirdly didn't feel the need to bolster their list in the trade period. I would've made a one-season play for Tom Lynch. The forward line is highly questionable.
IF ...
West Coast was asleep at the wheel when Hawthorn tired of it and chose to deal with Carlton on pick 14 in the early days of trade period ...
THEN ...
weirdly, and through no plan, it has emerged a winner. Lost pick three this year. But secured future first- and second-round picks. The Chad Project is alive. Imagine it. Chad and Harley.
IF ...
pick 17 was unders for Bailey Smith ...
THEN ...
pick 25 was at least 30 picks overs for Caleb Daniel. You lose some, you win some.
AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL
IF ...
I usually criticise the AFL in this section ...
THEN ...
not today. Andrew Dillon's media conference on Thursday night addressing the disturbing Giants players' post-season party was the right tone. He named names. He revealed disturbing behaviour. He acted decisively. And now I'm waiting to see what the AFL Players Association has to say on the matter. Waiting, waiting.
