1: This means war
NICE to see that it’s handbags at 20 paces for Victorian premier John Brumby and his South Australian counterpart Mike Rann over next weekend’s Hall of Fame Tribute Match. We’re just waiting for a tabloid newspaper to do one of those “hilarious” pictures involving the two men grimacing chin-to-chin with fists clenched and a headline saying something really witty and play-on-words-ish.
One thing that Rann said intrigued us. “I saw Mr Brumby’s comments and he’s predicting a Victorian victory by 27 points – this is like the Air Warfare Destroyer campaign all over again,” the SA premier noted. Was that a little-known World War II battle between the Vics and the Croweaters fought just south of Edenhope? A new X-box game? Nope. It referred to the bloody, duel-to-the-death struggle over who would get to build a new fightin’ vessel for the RAN. Oh.
2: Obvious and oblivious
CARLTON has slipped quietly into Perth for Chris Judd’s tearful reunion with his former West Coast teammates, accompanied only by a brass band, a fireworks display, a Town Crier in one of those silly tricorn hats yelling “Oyez! Oyez!” and a new song from Juddy’s mum.
It’s obvious to Blues midfielder Nick Stevens that Judd’s return is a big deal in the west. “Obviously there has been a fair bit of media in Melbourne, and obviously there will be a fair bit here," Stevens said. "It is obviously a tough one for Juddy, but to see the way the guy handles it, he just takes everything in his stride.” Obviously.
3: Robot man
SAINTS mighty mouse Steven Baker reckons his larrikin days are numbered and that footballers are turning into robots. Baker obviously hasn’t seen Liverpool stringbean Peter Crouch’s “hilarious” robot dance when he scores if he thinks AFL footballers are turning into automatons.
Bakes is really a creature from another age, when footballers could relieve themselves when and where necessary without fear of being outed on Today Tonight and they didn’t have to ingest “electrolytes and hydrolytes – all the crap like that”. We reckon stick him in Dr Who’s Tardis and send him back to a time when the only robots around were Daleks and players could pee willy-nilly.
4: Agents of freedom
IT’S NICE of the AFL Players’ Association to point out, in a not-at-all self-interested way, the benefits of the introduction of free agency. It would help the teams down the bottom of the ladder, according to AFLPA boss Brendon Gale, if players were able to switch clubs after, say, four or so weeks.
To be fair, the players are keen to spend as many as five years with one club before heading off to richer pastures. Someone like St Kilda’s Robert Harvey might have been able to play for all 16 teams – with the Gold Coast Goannas and the West Sydney Sinners thrown in – if free agency had been around in the 1960s when he started.
What to look for on afl.com.au this Friday
The whether bureau
Footy Forecast will be along, predicting a hot round of AFL football with a 76 per cent chance of precipitation. It’s written by Steve Lavell, who once played Toto in a school production of The Wizard of Oz but was ejected after savaging a Munchkin.
More alliteration
And there's also Friday Focus. Footy Focus? Friday Forecast? It's all too confusing.
Coaches. Lots of coaches
A bevy of coaching genii will throw pearls of wisdom at the slavering wolves of the media. Your Clarksons, your Craigs, your Malthouses and your Chocos will all hold court in various parts of this wide, brown land.
