JASON Winderlich says he's questioned his decision to play on this season, amid concerns about how much damage he is doing to his quality of life following another back injury.
Winderlich shelved his retirement plans at the end of last year, but is yet to play at senior level in 2015 after suffering more issues with his troublesome back.
However, the 30-year-old is eyeing a return against Hawthorn in round 13 having finally recovered from a ruptured disc which ruined his pre-season and made him wonder why he didn't follow through with his decision to hang up the boots.
"As soon as I got a sore back again I was like 'Geez, what have I done?'. That was the whole reason why I didn't really want to put my body through it again," Winderlich told SEN.
"I've had the two back operations when I was 22-23 and I know I'm always going to have a bad back for the rest of my life, but it was just quality of living.
"I actually injured my back again right around the time when we had our second daughter, so I could only stand up for two minutes and hold her before it felt like I was going to have a massive back spasm.
"So that was the thing that worried me the most, quality of living."
Back, knee and hamstring issues have restricted Winderlich to 128 senior games since he was drafted with pick 11 in 2002.
Three times during his career he's been told he would never play again, so when he felt soreness in his back during pre-season he tried to push through it – but then he ruptured a disc when running in for a shot at goal.
"I felt something let go in my lower back again, and within half-an-hour I couldn't walk properly and couldn't even drive my car home," he said.
In the past, he has struggled to put socks on his feet and he's felt "stabbing pain" in his back pushing the clutch down in his car.
"I get referred pain all the way down my left leg – I've had that for eight years," Winderlich said.
"I've got a straight leg raise, which is how they test your hammy, of about 30 degrees off the bench which 'Reidy' (club doctor Bruce Reid) always laughs about. He doesn't understand how I've been able to keep playing with that."
After his latest setback, Winderlich was forced to rest in bed at home for close to a month, but when the injury was slow to heal he made the tough call to go onto the long-term injury list.
He has finally improved to the point where he made his first appearance for the season in the VFL on Saturday, gathering 18 touches and taking 10 marks in a 92-point win over Geelong.
"I was probably ready to play two to three weeks ago, but when you go on the long-term injury list you've got to miss the eight games so I had to miss an extra couple," Winderlich said.
"But in hindsight with all my injury history, it was probably good to get a couple weeks' extra training.
"On the weekend I played just under three quarters and I had two extended rests per quarter on the bench, whereas this week in the VFL I'll just play a normal game with just one rest per quarter," said Winderlich, who has been named at half-back.
"Then we have the bye the week after, I dare say I'll cop a flogging on the Friday and then hopefully come in for the Hawthorn game after the bye."