IF | THEN | |
Adelaide | ever a club has cashed-in after initially paying overs for a player ... | ... then it is the Crows with their Eddie Betts transaction. Paid a premium, but they've already got their money back. |
Brisbane Lions | at half time of a NEAFL game your AFL coach grabs you by the throat, slams you against a wall and bans you from seniors for three weeks ... | ... you were 300-1 to be named as first rover of the Lions in round 10. Well done for hanging in, Zac O'Brien. |
Carlton | there's a player wasting his talent more than Chris Yarran right now ... | ... forget it, there's not. |
Collingwood | the Pies get back Greenwood, Reid and Macaffer before the end of the year ... | ... Bucks might just rip his other hamstring when he jumps for joy. |
Essendon | the next three matches, against Geelong, West Coast and Hawthorn, are all lost ... | ... this is going to be one very, very long season for the Bombers. |
Fremantle | the hit-outs stat hasn't become as irrelevant as Inside 50s ... | ... consider that Sandi broke a record with 69 of them last week, yet his team won clearances by just four. |
Geelong | West Coast was serious, and accurate in front of goal, last week ... | ... it would have beaten the Cats by 100 points, not 56. |
Gold Coast | you're clever enough to pay for the wine you may have consumed in your hotel room when you check out ... | ... your footy club doesn't discover that you drank the wine in the first place and you'd be playing seniors this week. |
Greater Western Sydney | Griffen could've handled his walkout on the Dogs any worse ... | ... we doubt it. He leaves, the coach gets sacked, refuses leadership role at his new club full of kids, then stinks it up the first time he plays against his old team. |
Hawthorn | we read this right ... | ... Rough will kick eight against a weakened Saints backline. Maybe nine or 10. |
Melbourne | this week someone deserved a Rising Star nomination before round nine ... | ... it was Hogan. No one in the history of the award has been forced to produce as many good games to get one. |
North Melbourne | last week's effort was "disgusting" and "appalling" and left you "shattered" enough to promise that you'll "be doing something about it" but when the time comes at selection you drop a couple of youngsters only ... | ... you leave yourself open to being dubbed soft on your players. Yet again. |
Port Adelaide | Schulz fires ... | ... Port wins. |
Richmond | we were critical at the start of the season ... | ... it's only fair we heap praise for the very nice turnaround in the past three weeks. |
St Kilda | Armitage took Richmond's big offer at the end of last year ... | ... the Saints' midfield would be officially shot. Putting together a fine season. |
Sydney Swans | Goodes wants to war dance for every game remaining in his career ... | ... so be it. Please everyone, just accept it, and maybe even embrace the fact that his actions have forced us all to talk about the big picture. |
West Coast | as a ruckman you take only two marks in a game ... | ... no one can be critical when one of those grabs is mark of the year and you also rack up seven clearances, seven score involvements and 13 contested possessions. |
Western Bulldogs | the Dogs can win at Adelaide Oval ... | ... we'll say they're a season 2015 real deal. |
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Follow Damian Barrett on Twitter: @barrettdamian