| IF | THEN | |
| Adelaide | you haven’t hugged your children and close ones today ... | ... do so. |
| Brisbane Lions | you've managed just two wins to this point of another disastrous season ... | ... you're thanking your lucky stars that the team 80km down the road is a total rabble, and is absorbing all the footy focus. |
| Carlton | anyone thinks this is a new Carlton with a new broom ... | ... realize that coaching sub-committee member Ken Sheldon is closely linked with Bruce Mathieson, who is very much a part of the old guard. |
| Collingwood | you go back to Friday June 12 on the afternoon of Brodie Grundy being taken to hospital with a neck problem ... | ... you'll remember Neil Balme said "we expect him to play" against GWS two days later. Neil. Please |
| Essendon | last Saturday you say publicly it is "inevitable" James Hird will be sacked ... | ... you relinquish the right, Mark Thompson, to criticise "people" for "just jumping on (Hird) for no reason" on the Tuesday. |
| Fremantle | a journo finds out you’ve just met with a Bruce Mathieson-aligned member of the Carlton coaching sub-committee ... | ... that journo, Ross, has every single right in the world to ask you about it. |
| Geelong | Jimmy Bartel is fully fit and remains so for the rest of the year ... | ... the Cats will make the finals. |
| Gold Coast | the Suns and the AFL had have asked the proper questions, and delved deeper into certain issues when they should have, back in March ... | ... they'd have been able to avoid a lot of the mess this week. An attempted cover-up blows up. |
| Greater Western Sydney | you've used last weekend's bye to properly regroup and reassess ... | ... there's no reason you can't beat the Tigers. But have you subconsciously shut down after those major injuries? |
| Hawthorn | we needed another reason this week to realise we all get way too caught up in things that don't matter ... | ... we got it with Roughead's medical concerns. |
| Melbourne | there's one reason to be excited about footy this weekend ... | ... it will be the Hogan versus McGovern battle. Bring. It. On.. |
| North Melbourne | there is something the Roos must refrain from doing for the remainder of the season ... | ... it is making excuses. Enough. Just get on with it. |
| Port Adelaide | you can't beat a Buddy and Tippett-less Swans ... | ... your 2015 fall is complete. |
| Richmond | we finally got access to a seat on the bandwagon ... | ... we'll consider offers for it in the event of a loss to GWS this weekend. |
| St Kilda | there was a match that simply shouldn't have been lost in 2015 ... | ... it was the Saints against the Bombers in round five. Been smarting since, waiting for the return crack on Sunday. |
| Sydney Swans | Sam Reid maintains his form from Friday night ... | ... look out. But history says he won't. |
| West Coast | you didn't pick up on our excitement earlier ... | ... we'll go again. McGovern versus Hogan. Sit back. Watch. Enjoy. Best thing is we've got at least 12 years of it to follow. |
| Western Bulldogs | Tom Liberatore doesn't soon get his act together off-field ... | ... he won't get a chance to do anything more on-field. |
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Follow Damian Barrett on Twitter: @barrettdamian
