| IF | THEN | |
| Adelaide | Sando wants to maximise the Crows' hopes of a big 2015... | ...getting Bomber Thompson as an assistant would be the right move. An expensive one, but the right one. |
| Brisbane Lions | when it's all said and done for season 2014, there's a more heartwarming story than that of Lewi Taylor... | ...well, there won't be. Love what he's overcome, love how he handles himself. |
| Carlton | Carlton wants to do something radical in the off season... | ...they should bring in Fev to teach Casboult how to kick. |
| Collingwood | something wrong keeps recurring between player and officialdom... | ...something has to give. And it will be right for both club and Lumumba to part ways. |
| Essendon | the Bombers wanted us to be convinced there was, as they're telling everyone privately, "nothing" in the Paddy Ryder story... | ...they would have plonked him in front of one of their Bomber TV cameras and had him say that. They didn't. |
| Fremantle | the Virgin airline official assigned the task of telling Ross The Boss that his team's plane wasn't leaving Perth for Sydney on Thursday is still alive... | ...that's a good outcome for that person. |
| Geelong | you're a star and you're being rested for a second consecutive week, after serious back surgery at the start of the year... | ...there are significant concerns. Hope Christensen can get back on the park. |
| Gold Coast | the inaugural CEO of this club hadn't had his last day in the post this week... | ...would the coach's future be more of an issue than it seems to be? Probably. |
| Greater Western Sydney | the Magpies had their time over again... | ...they'd almost certainly have found a way to ensure James Stewart was on their list. Giants very happy they overlooked him. |
| Hawthorn | the Hawks make the grand final this year without Cyril being part of the finals series to that stage... | ...the media scrutiny over his availability for the big dance will be a circus. |
| Melbourne | Nathan Jones played for a more successful footy club... | ...he'd be a megastar. Could be by the end of next year anyway. Outstanding competitor. |
| North Melbourne | the Kangaroos have improved, like we so often think they have... | ...they simply beat the Bombers on Saturday night. No excuses. |
| Port Adelaide | we were running Port Adelaide and the AFL told us that we had to change our guernsey this week... | ...we would have, very simply and very politely, said: "No. We won't be. This is YOUR problem, not ours. And let's now see how this plays out publicly for you." |
| Richmond | you made a big statement about this club in Sliding Doors last week and you got it wrong... | ...you're writing this week's Tigers reference with egg on your face. While eating humble pie. And trying to get a seat on the bandwagon. |
| St Kilda | Clint Jones goes into the footy abyss after his delisting... | ...don't forget he was once a crucial cog in the midfield of a very good football outfit which went very close to the ultimate prize a heartbreaking number of times. |
| Sydney Swans | you want to suck a non-AFL city's interest out of AFL... | ...schedule a Swans final away from the SCG. And then for fun play it on a surface that is uneven, patchy, sodden and sometimes even dangerous. |
| West Coast | everyone at the Eagles doesn't at some stage of this weekend curse themselves for not being part of week one finals action... | ...they are deluding themselves. Wasted season. |
| Western Bulldogs | we want to hear less of one thing next year... | ...it is the Bulldogs referring to the future. Sometimes, the future is right now and you're actually looking that far into the distance that you actually miss it. |
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Follow Damian Barrett on Twitter: @barrettdamian
