| IF | THEN | |
| Adelaide | the Crows are to burst into the eight... | …it has to be three wins in the next three. Bombers, Showdown, Giants. |
| Brisbane Lions | Jono Brown engages in conversation about the possibility he has played his last game... | ...he has played his last game. He’s done. He knows it. And he owes nothing to his club or football itself. Time for the big fella to put himself and his family ahead of all else. |
| Carlton | you just think about this for a minute, and then really absorb it... | ...you’ll realise Malthouse is superhuman. He’s up to game No. 701 this weekend. Roos is up to 215, Lyon 183. |
| Collingwood | Dayne Beams was rested last weekend because of the opponent... | ...the opponent was badly underestimated. |
| Essendon | the money spent on lawyers and legal advice in the past 18 months could be recouped... | …the Bombers wouldn’t have had to settle for only two full-sized ovals at their training base. They could have installed four or five, maybe six, with grandstands. |
| Fremantle | you want to just sit back this weekend and marvel at a young man who is better than all bar one player in the comp (hello Gaz)... | ...make sure you’re in front of a TV on Saturday night and look out for the guy wearing the purple No.7. |
| Geelong | the Cats really want to get their season back on track... | ...an away win against the Suns this week is what is needed. Last week’s circle work around the red, white and black witches hats meant zero. |
| Gold Coast | those who claim to be in the know are right... | ...we’re about to witness a young kid propel the Suns into the finals. No pressure, Jack Martin. |
| Greater Western Sydney | it’s 3am and you’ve ordered a heap of pizzas from room service... | ...it’s pretty obvious you want them NOW. You’d think staff at a major hotel would know that, wouldn’t you, Heath? Though you might want to get a kick this weekend. |
| Hawthorn | the masses complain about a lack of quality Saturday afternoon matches… | …those masses need to attend the MCG at that time this weekend to let the AFL know what you argue matters most. |
| Melbourne | James Frawley was being truthful in demanding evidence of a clear direction at the Demons in order for him to recommit... | ...he will be signing a new contract this week. |
| North Melbourne | the Roos win against Melbourne or even blow it away... | ...so what? Lost a game last week it was meant to win. Groundhog Day. |
| Port Adelaide | Buddy plays one of the great matches of his superstar life and you still fall short by just one kick... | ...it’s confirmation you are real deal and that if you can hold it together you will be in a Grand Final in 14 weeks’ time. |
| Richmond | Hardwick wants another reason to contemplate throwing a left hook at a journo... | ...it will come if Tom Derickx continues his good form this weekend and someone asks him post-match why he discarded him. |
| St Kilda | there’s one person out there who is watching what is unfolding at this club with morbid anticipation... | ...it is probably Scott Watters. |
| Sydney Swans | Kinnear Beatson and the Sydney list management team hasn’t fielded calls on Sam Reid... | ...the other clubs aren’t doing their jobs. Yep, he’s contracted but he’s still only 22 and he’s getting shoved aside. Throw the book at him and see what happens. |
| West Coast | Dean Cox truly is the Eagles ruck coach... | ...it’d be interesting to see how he rates the form of his star pupil - without himself in the side. |
| Western Bulldogs | we’ve been critical of this club all year, and we have... | ...we’ll be genuine in offering a big well done for last week’s great effort. But you know there’s a “but” coming, don’t you – we want to see such effort all the way through to end of August. |
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Follow Damian Barrett on Twitter: @barrettdamian
