DELISTED Bulldog Christian Howard admitted he was haunted by the pressure of being a first-round draft pick throughout his five-year career at the Whitten Oval.
Howard was a surprise selection at pick No.15 in the 2009 NAB AFL Draft with experts predicting he wouldn't be selected until the third round.
After just 20 senior games, including two in season 2014, the 23-year-old was cut from the Bulldogs list, just days after being part of Footscray's historic VFL premiership.
Like several other Bulldogs, Howard said a communication breakdown between himself and ex-coach Brendan McCartney made his final year difficult, but ultimately it was his own inability to handle the pressure of being a first-round draftee that led to his downfall.
"It still haunts me," Howard told AFL.com.au.
"I really struggled to deal with the pressure of being a first round pick early on in my career, and to a certain degree even now it still haunts me. I just didn't deal with it well.
"If I had my time again, I probably would have gone to see a sports psychologist earlier than I did to help me deal with it, even though it wasn't the done thing back then."
After a string of good performances in the VFL mid-year, Howard was recalled to the senior side in rounds 11 and 12, but after failing to have an impact, the defender was banished back to Footscray for the remainder of the season.
It was at that point mid-season his relationship with McCartney began to unravel, as the 23-year-old started to come to terms with his fate.
"When I got back in the team and didn't perform anywhere near how I wanted to, after that I could see the end was coming," Howard said.
"The writing was definitely on the wall which probably made it a little bit easier because I was able to prepare for it," Howard said.
"My relationship with [McCartney] was really good in his first couple of years. I used to go into his office and chat to him almost weekly. I'd say it probably broke down a little bit this year, especially in the second half of the year.
"I was playing well in the VFL but didn't get a look in for the senior team. It got to that point where he had almost done all he could, I just needed to start performing on the field. I wouldn't say the communication broke down completely but it definitely wasn't as strong as it had been."
Howard still has aspirations of continuing his AFL career, however he conceded it was unlikely with his manager Paul Connors yet to receive any interest from other clubs.
If he doesn't find himself on an AFL list next year, the young defender has had offers from VFL side Port Melbourne and Glenelg in the SANFL - the club the South Australian was drafted from as an 18-year-old.
"I would take a rookie spot anywhere but I'm not really holding my breath," Howard said.
"I'm absolutely stoked with my career. I didn't even really think I'd ever get drafted right up until the year that it happened. I've got no regrets. I gave it my all and really enjoyed my time at the Bulldogs.
"I definitely want to play state league somewhere. I still want to play at the highest level possible. If I can get a good pre-season behind me and have a good year, I'm still young and anything can happen."
