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LOST: Somewhere near the Jolimont area, one game plan and composure.
If found please return to the Collingwood Football Club c/o - Lexusland.
Generous reward given.
 
Or to put it another way...............
 
MORE SKULLDUGGERY, LESS SKILL BUGGERY
 
Short, wide and nasty.
I'm not talking about Sir Elton John.
Those three words basically sum up almost every kick and handball the once elegant but now struggling Magpies dished up against the Bombers last weekend.
 
Clearly the Bombers were more switched on from the get go.
In contrast the Pies were so switched OFF you'd have thought Kyle Sandilands and Jackie O were hosting this match.
Thank Gawd for Jackie's brother Harry or we really would have been up that quite smelly chocolatey coloured creek.
 
Poor old Swanny though.
His day was so dark he needed fog lamps.
 
And we all know when the CFC's footballing 4WD (yes, still talking about Swanny!) is having an offy it's gunna be a tough day at the office.
 
But such is the log jam for the all important fourth spot it looks less like a ladder and more like a constipation convention as team after team keep backing up.
 
Fortunately the weekend's results have sorta been kind and minimalised the damage ......... ladder wise.
As for the boys psychological state, who knows?
I know mine is stuffed!!!!!!!
I fully expect the Pies to beat the Hawks now and they can just stamp me certifiable there and then.
 
We've all heard the backs to the walls analogies before.
Let's just hope those backs don't get slammed into that proverbial wall and they DO lock me up.
(Lord knows I could do with the break!)
But as each loss stacks up like junk mail in a vacant properties letterbox that wall just keeps getting proverbially bigger and proverbially bigger. As does my medication dosage.
I've got an answer though!
 
What we need is a talisman.
 
Could he be the man who can't miss?
Can John Anthony amp it up another level this week.
 
Nine goals should do the trick John.
It's not a big ask really.
That's just nine kicks for him.
And if he wants to round it up to ten all the better.
 
You don't have to be Cadel Evans to know it's time to get on your bike Woods.
Find the game plan.
Find John Anthony.
And find a victory.
 
Now everybody sing:
"Come Mr. Talisman, talis me banana!"

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