IF YOU are 16 and can play footy, buy a big tub of Summer Glow and get working on the tan. You’ll need it.
For you see the AFL yesterday announced the Gold Coast’s 2010 draft concessions which amount to picks one through 57, a set of steak knives and a 30-day money back guarantee.
The news may have seemed to surprise colossal coach Guy McKenna (pictured here) but don’t be fooled -- McKenna had secretly threatened to use that building as a toothpick if the AFL did not bow to his draft demands.
2. Who is Gary Clifford Irons?
BUT TRADE picks wasn't the only news to come out of the Gold Coast. GC17 has released its team "identity", colours and, most importantly, team mascot.
Apparently Gary Clifford Irons has a "split personality", being a life saver during the week and a "super-hero footy freak" on the weekends. The Four Points is not entirely convinced a mascot with a serious behavioral disorder is appropriate but who are we to argue with a man who has the legs of a Kenyan distance runner and the torso of a Scandinavian weight lifter?
3. Slippery when wet
IF THERE’S one thing that never ceases to amaze The Four Points, it’s advances in domestic robotics. But the other thing that makes us look like a tiny version of Guy McKenna is the enduring relevance of Bon Jovi song titles to the world of AFL football.
Yesterday, Adelaide tagger Robert Shirley said his team wanted No Regrets after playing their sudden-death match against Collingwood on Saturday.
Because we know the Crows Never Say Die and if they do go down, they’ll go down in a Blaze of Glory and their supporters will feel as if Shot Through the Heart.
Sadly there’s is no Bad Medicine that can cure Jason Porplyzia but if, after Livin’ on a Prayer through the finals series, they celebrate One Wild Night on grand final day, then no one will be celebrating harder than . . . than . . . Captain Crash and the Beauty Queen from Mars.
4. Must be of Welsh origin
IF YOU are one of the unfortunate many who thought the only things Bradd Dalziell and Shane Woewodin had in common were superfluous consonants and an outstanding score as player names in the AFL edition of Scrabble, you’d better think again.
Turns out Double-D credits Woey with being something of a career template.
So if Bradd ends up as a Brownlow Medallist, a country music singer’s muse, and the subject of a highly controversial trade to Collingwood don’t say we never told you so.
Because we did.
WHAT’S COMING UP
What to look out for on afl.com.au this Friday
Final finals words
It all begins tonight, so get the very latest on the team's preparations for the finals from afl.com.au.
His master's voice
Andrew Demetriou, top of the AFL's tree, shares some thoughts today, and emphasises that the resemblance he bears to Gary Clifford Irons when he takes his glasses off is purely coincidental.
Game on!
Follow the final between Hawthorn and the Western Bulldogs at afl.com.au with Game Day Live, commentary, player ratings, coach and player reaction and a whole lot more.
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The views in this story are those of the author and not necessarily those of the clubs or the AFL.
