The Hawks took a collective and appreciative breath when Kennett stood down as club president at the end of last year, as they didn’t like his uniquely delivered criticisms being aired publicly.
If Kennett was still in charge, he would today no doubt be writing something along these lines to the Hawks’ 60,500 members.
“Dear member, it is with great dismay I write to you today. Yes, dismay, even disappointment,” is how Kennett might have opened his address.
“Here we are on a day when we should be celebrating a magnificent victory over an arch enemy, and setting ourselves up beautifully for a premiership, yet we are embroiled in issues which should have been avoided.
“I could almost understand our coach Alastair Clarkson’s frustrations in the coaching box at quarter-time on the weekend. Almost. But then I reconsidered, and wondered what, exactly, was significant enough to prompt a hand being put through a wall?
“I checked the scoreboard at quarter-time. We were still 16 points up against the mighty Collingwood. Heavens, who knows what would have been smashed had we been six goals down!
“Anyway, we moved on from that. I’ve learnt over time Alastair has a certain anger which cannot be controlled. Just ask Matthew Lloyd. Or any of the people who saw him punch himself in a team meeting a couple of years ago! True story, that. Hurt himself, too.
“But I have had less success in coming to terms with what happened the next day. Alastair, who is a great supporter of junior football, got himself involved in an incident while acting as a runner in a junior match.
“Now, this old duck has been around long enough to know there are always two sides to every story, so it is not for me to pass judgment other than to say this: in certain situations, an AFL coach needs to be the better person, no matter the circumstances.
“Walk away, hold your tongue, be the solution, not even remotely part of the problem. It was under-9s match. Goodness gracious me.
“I want to take you back to last Thursdsay, too. Our magnificent forward Buddy Franklin decided to get his car’s speedo up to 90km/h. OK on highway, not in a residential street with a 50km/h zone.
“Fortunately, no one crossed his path. But one would have thought by now a 25-year-old man who has worked hard to get into the leadership group at Hawthorn would have known better.
“And I also want to take you back to the wee hours of Sunday. A time when nearly all of you would have already secured three or four hours of sleep. 2.45am to be precise.
“One of our players, Jarrad Boumann, was out on the town at that time, on the ground being kicked by some people and suffering an injured hand.
“As I said about Alastair, I am aware there are two sides to every story. But I have rarely, if ever, been made aware of anything good happening to people on streets at 2.45am on a Sunday. Let alone AFL footballers.
“So, my dear member, I would have loved to have written today about my pride in our big win against Collingwood, about the excitement of the six matches to come then the finals, of the joy in knowing Luke Hodge is close to a return, of the great hope I have for Max Bailey, who is yet again on the comeback trail from a serious injury.
“Instead, I have been forced to deal with some ordinary happenings.
“I want you to know that I spoke to our coach and players today, and told them a premiership was theirs for the taking in 2012.
“But I asked them this: Do you know where the rails are? And can every single one of you commit to staying on those rails for another 10 weeks?”
Twitter: @barrettdamian, @AFL
