DEHYDRATION has been a bit of an issue in the AFL recently, with Brendan Fevola and Kane Johnson forced to dehydrate unexpectedly at funny times of the night on surfaces otherwise engaged in providing visual access to the rest of the world for bar patrons or holding up police stations.
No such problems out west, where Brisbane Lions co-captain Jonathan Brown couldn’t have had a tinkle if he’d wanted to. Poor Browny says he became all dizzy and disoriented at half time because of the heat. Come to think of it, so did Fev and Johnson, but not because of the heat.
Off-field offerings
ON A SIMILAR theme, Melbourne captain David Neitz has proposed an “off-field tribunal” to deal with dodgy behaviour by footy players. We can see it now. Matthew Lloyd suspended for two matches for wearing his pants too high. Andrew Welsh out for month for associating with Paris Hilton. Spida Everitt banned for 12 weeks for crimes against hairdressing.
According to Neita, there was a need for a think-tank involving club captains, community leaders, the AFL and the AFL Players' Association “in a bid to raise the bar”. Bar? Perhaps not a great choice of words in the circumstances.
Tunnel of love
TUNNELLED. A new verb, apparently, and another nail in the coffin of the English language. Must we adopt such vulgar Americanisms all the time? Surely there is a better term out there for the tactic of upending soaring Riewoldts and trying to make them land on their scones?
Roo-overed? “He was roo-overed at the seven-minute mark of the third quarter.” Nickered? “Nickered, Riewoldt left the field in a swoon.” Volted? “Riewoldt was volted unceremoniously by his opponent and his head left a small divot in the Telstra Dome surface just near the goal square at the Lockett end. Or was it the Coventry end? We never can tell the difference.”
Gift of the gab
AND ANOTHER worrying development. Trash-talking (Americanism). Andrew McLeod and Jonathan Brown coming over all Danny Green and Anthony Mundine as they discussed the Hall of Fame tribute match.
Victorians are arrogant, says Dream Team skipper McLeod. South Australians are a bit strange, says Vic captain Brown. What disturbs us is that the dissing (yes, Americanism) stopped there. Couldn’t Browny have given it to Queenslanders and West Australians and Tasmanians and all the others who are going to take the field against Victoria? Come on, Browny. Lift.
What to look out for on afl.com.au this Thursday
Teams
And lots of them. See the teams for round two as they are announced.
Coaches
There’s a lot of love out there. Dean Laidley and Terry Wallace will appear together to pump up Sunday’s Eureka Game, and Rodney Eade and Dean Bailey will also cuddle up while discussing the looming Bulldogs-Demons clash. Matthew Knights is friendless, and will appear solo to discuss, presumably, stuff about Essendon.
