Bounce that ball already
AND SO, it begins.
You've endured the strange world of NAB Cup and Challenge. An odd parallel footballing universe where St Kilda win premierships, Chris Judd is used by Brett Ratten in 15-minute bursts like a scooter on Lygon Street and Jarrad McVeigh roams Sydney's forward line, apparently aiming for some spectator in the right forward pocket.
It's time to awake from your slumber dear fans, reality is about to bite, the real stuff finally begins – and Jason Akermanis couldn't be happier.
At 6.10pm tonight Richmond and Carlton face off at the MCG – no jokes about priority picks either tank you – this one's for premiership points.
You can ensure both teams will be trying because it may be the only chance the Tigers have to sit above the reigning premier on the ladder (because cruelly, even the alphabet rates them behind Geelong) and the Blues are sick of the piddling issues which seem to end up in a newspaper splash throughout the pre-season.
Don't forget, we are your one-stop-shop for all the latest team news, previews, form guides and match-day coverage, but you know that, that because you're here already.
Libba off the hook
The AFL has decided perennial unemployment is enough punishment for Tony Liberatore after his claims on The Footy Show created a fresh 'tanking' furore last week.
The league seems to have once-and-for-all decided that this tank, like all others in Melbourne at the moment, is full of hot air and the former Blues assistant doesn't have a case to answer by claiming Carlton's coaching staff were playing Soduko in most of their selection and tactical meetings late last season.
The 1990 Brownlow Medallist is quoted as saying in today's Age that "the inquiry has been done, and if it satisfied the AFL's requirement, so be it. I can't say much more."
Oh Libba – if only that were true.
Perhaps there's a permanent slot on Channel Nine's flagship for our beloved Bulldog battler – Trevor Marmalade has been getting away with saying nothing of substance on the program for what seems like decades.
Fire up that Toorak tractor
That's it everyone, into the squeaky clean Landrover – got your blue and red scarves – jolly good – now it's onto Toorak Road and…. how do we get to the MCG again?
Former Australian golf and tennis supremo and now new Melbourne chief executive Paul McNamee said on Wednesday the club needs to embrace its elitist image. Concentrating on its heartland is the way forward, he says, because Melbourne fans obviously have 'purchasing power'.
That's never been in dispute about the Demon faithful, but McNamee should perhaps issue a flyer comparing how many club memberships can be purchased for the cost of to the average mid-season trip to the snow.
But McNamee has the pedigree to appeal to Melbourne fans – he'd be a welcome addition at any lawn tennis party having won a Wimbledon doubles title – and the chaps down at the golf club would just love to hear the one about how Tiger Woods promised to play the Australian Open – as long as it was relocated to Orlando.
His penchant for light summer suits will at least provide constant entertainment. What will it be today love? The bone, the white, the ivory, the off white……
Back at you buddy
The regular mid-week press conferences have hit – all of a sudden it's Woosha on Wednesday and Tuesday with Terry (Wallace).
Us journos throw out the bait, sometimes we get a bite, and there was a nibble yesterday between Collingwood's Mick Malthouse and Freo's Mark Harvey.
The Pies are covering for the retirements of Nathan Buckley, James Clement and Paul Licuria and Harvey pointed out Collingwood may have "lost direction" without Clement and their spiritual leader Buckley.
But despite their youth, Malthouse has every confidence in his side, despite the backline resembling a creche.
There's no doubt Pavlich, Farmer and company will try to upset the Magpie youngsters but, frustratingly for their knockers, generally 30-year-old Collingwood cockiness has been knocked into 20-year-old kids at the Lexus Centre.
It may have been a bleak pre-season for the Pies, but be on your guard Harvs, Mick hasn't survived almost 25 years in the game for nothing.
WHAT'S COMING UP
What to look out for on afl.com.au this Thursday.
Flag form guides:
Matt Burgan puts hundreds of random ingredients in a large pot, simmers for a week or so, and tries to find Mark Thompson's recipe for Geelong stew. It's more likely today however that he'll concoct a conclusion for how close the Western Bulldogs and West Coast Eagles are to a crack at the premiership.
Match-day coverage:
Return to afl.com.au this evening for unparalleled coverage of the Carlton-Richmond clash at the MCG and the Grand Final re-match between Geelong and Port Adelaide at AAMI Stadium. Stacks of stats, half-time reports, coach comments and each goal as it happens – we've got all the angles covered.
Season previews:
Pre-season pontification is foolish, but that doesn't stop the rest of the country doing it, so we're also flying in the face of danger. Today we see how North Melbourne, Fremantle, Essendon and Collingwood are shaping up for 2008.
More from Maxwell:
Collingwood's Nick Maxwell discounts any claims players 'tank' in his regular column, which will appear on afl.com.au quicker than the first official club spokesman can say 'going forward' this season.
The views in this story are those of the author and not necessarily those of the club.
