1. Aye, there’s the rub
To plead, or not to plead, that is the question
Whether tis’ nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of the match review panel
And so play against the Bulldogs on Saturday
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing the charge of tripping
That club-footed pretender, Simon Buckley
Risk seeing the Brownlow rightfully mine
Hung on the neck of another
Most likely Adam Cooney
2. Stealing Lethal’s weapon
AFL UMPIRES director Jeff Gieschen would make a fine headmaster, in the Goodbye Mr Chips model rather than, say, Albus Dumbledore. In times of trouble, you can rely on the Giesch to smooth the waters with a few wise and well-chosen words.
After the bungle that cost West Coast a free kick on Saturday night, it calmed us somehow to hear Gieschen turn to an old chestnut yesterday. Like the inflatable boy who took a pin to his inflatable school, Giesch explained that the errant steward let his friends down, he let his school down, but most of all he let himself down.
With interchange gategate only the latest in a rash of minor scandals, we’re probably not alone in hoping it dies a gentle death this week so we can get on with moaning about the winter.
West Coast assistant coach Peter Sumich is doing his bit, calling Saturday’s error a non-issue.
Suma went on to suggest that barcodes be stitched into jumpers so that players can be scanned like boxes of frozen spinach. This alarms us for a different reason: isn’t this sort of thing supposed to be Leigh Matthews’ job?
3. Laugh? We almost burst
APPENDICITIS, we’re given to understand, is searingly uncomfortable and certainly not the sort of thing to be joked around with in a humorous weekday column.
On the other hand, it’s a relatively slow news week, and most of the good stuff out of the weekend has already been poached for Monday’s Four Points. So you can appreciate the bind we’re in.
Segueing seamlessly then, to Essendon midfielder Ricky Dyson, who spent Saturday night having his appendix out, rather than lining up against Richmond.
If we were insensitive, which we’re not, we would suggest that hospitals around Melbourne can brace for hundreds of Essendon fans, who’ve suddenly thought of an excellent alternative to watching the Dons against Adelaide and Hawthorn in the coming weeks.
For his part, Essendon team manager David Calthorpe said Dyson can expect to miss three weeks. Dyson was watching Saturday’s 38-point loss, Calthorpe said, when he felt badly ill.
Some time later, we presume, he developed appendicitis.
4. King of the sea
BEN Allan is no big squid. He’s also no giant squid, and certainly no colossal squid, unless he’s evolved 40-foot hooked tentacles and a small beak in the 11 years since he hung up his playing boots.
But in Fremantle, where Allan was inaugural captain and played 47 of his 145 games, Allan is nevertheless a fairly big fish, and so we pay attention when he explains why the club with a 1-8 win-loss record is in fact on the brink of success.
Freo plays its 300th game on Sunday against Port Adelaide, and Allan says youngsters like Chris Mayne, Rhys Palmer and Garrick Ibbotson have the club poised for better times.
Ordinarily, we’d dismiss this sort of talk with, perhaps, an amusing haiku (Garrick Ibbotson?/Surely, ex Hawk Ben Allan/You’re having a laugh). But we’ve learned a lesson from last week, when we rubbished Cameron Bruce’s claim that Melbourne had learned from its earlier thrashing and was ready to give the Hawks a rattling. The Dees improved on their round one effort by 85 points on the weekend, surely foreshadowing a 66-point victory next time the two sides meet.
And with that in mind we confidently predict a revival from Fremantle, beginning with a thumping victory at home to Port Adelaide on Sunday. You read it here first.
WHAT’S COMING UP
What to look out for this Tuesday on afl.com.au
NAB AFL Rising Star
As usual, we’ll have an exclusive interview with this week’s nominee plus highlights of the match that won him the nomination
The Cat’s whiskers
Food maketh the man (or is that clothes?) and in his second column for afl.com.au, Jimmy Bartel takes us through the diet that maketh a Brownlow Medallist
Team of the Week
Matt Burgan presents his latest 22 for you to pore over, sneer and cry ‘Where’s [unheralded team man who did all the right things but didn’t get many touches]?’
Bomber Thompson fronts the press after his side’s first heavy loss since Bartel was in short pants, and then there's Terry Wallace, Dean Bailey and more.
The views in this story are those of the author and not necessarily those of the clubs or the AFL.
